


I'm not okay

by HPfanatic12



Category: Jessie (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Cyberbullying, Depression, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2020-07-19 02:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 57,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPfanatic12/pseuds/HPfanatic12
Summary: Title subject to change.Ravi's slowly spiraling deeper and deeper and no one is noticing





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay peeps, since the death of Cameron Boyce (RIP, you are missed!) I've gotten back into watching Jessie. I was never really into it, but I kinda watched it when my brother did and I never realized how close Karan, Cameron and I are in age; I seriously thought they were a few years younger. Anyhow, , I read Elastic Heart by B_y_e Felicia and got inspired to write my own depressed! Ravi fic but I assure y'all I am not trying to copy. This is going to be different and I've done research since I'm not familiar with depression.   
> As said in the tags, this will have a romance but I'm going to make sure this is slow so we can focus on Ravi for a bit. He won't notice how pretty his friend is until later. And I won't use the relationship as some kind of "cure" either.   
> It might seem like I'm trying to bash everyone but I'm really not; this is just how Ravi perceives his family and everyone else.   
> Lastly, if any of those tags are things that will bother you or stir something up then PLEASE DONT READ!! This is going to be heavy and I don't want any of you to relapse or something

_ The hallway was longer than usual, a never-ending route that seemed to lengthen the more he traveled. Other than that, the locker-hallway for his class was the same, frighteningly. A tingle of fear ran down his spine, he shivered involuntarily. There was a strong urge to go back, to escape through the front exit. But he kept going; staring straight head. It was best to avoid all eye contact with his classmates, whom, in a state of unison, turned from their lockers and tore from their conversations to stare at him, to jeer at him.  _

**_Just keep going,_ ** _ he told himself; his breathing quickening,  _ **_it will be okay._ **

_ Strickening panic was nipping at him, pointing out the obvious flaws and dashing any hopes he had of getting out unscathed. Why was he being stared at? Why did everyone have that ‘knowing’ gleam in their eyes? The anxiety was piling in his stomach, like a dumbbell suddenly dropped. The knot grew tighter-oh Gods, there came the queasy feeling. What did they know that he didn’t?  _

_ “Hey loser!” Ravi stopped dead in his tracks, heart hammering in his chest.  _ **_Not him._ ** _ Mitch Tyler stepped in front of his way, a devilish smirk on his face. Mitch was one of the popular jocks that made his life a living hell. “Where do you think you’re going?”  _

_ “T-to class,” Ravi cursed himself for stuttering, as if Mitch needed another reason to pick on him.  _

_ “T-t-to class,” Mitch mocked. Those nearby laughed and Ravi’s cheeks reddened. “What a geek.”  _

**_He’s right. You aren’t normal, when are you going to be normal?_ **

_ “Are you even listening?” Two fingers snapped in front of his face, causing him to jerk in startlement. He jabbed a finger in Ravi’s chest, with more force than should have been necessary. He gasped in pain, reaching a hand up to the spot that had been jabbed.  _

_ “What a wimp. Can you believe this guy? Pathetic,” Mitch sneered.  _

_ “No I am not.” The words flew out of Ravi’s mouth before any sort of common sense took control. Once he became conscious of what he’d said, his eyes shot open and he slowly backed away as Mitch’s face turned an interesting shade of purple.  _

_ “What did you say to me?” he growled, curling his meaty hands into fists.  _

_ “Nothing! Forget I said anything,” Ravi said hurriedly, smiling nervously. “Let us go to class, I’m sure we have more stimulating things we could be doing to occupy our time instead of senseless arguing.”  _

_ “He just called you senseless!” someone yelled.  _

_ “No,” Ravi’s voice went up in pitch, “I swear, I did not!”  _

_ “I think he wants to fight,” someone else said slyly.  _

_ “Fight! Fight!” people began chanting, as they always did at the mildest entertainment.  _

_ Mitch cracked his knuckles. A glimmer of amusement crossed his face. “You think you got what it takes, shorty? Prove it,” he said wickedly. “You think you can beat me up? Try me. Go ahead, go on.”  _

_ “I do not want to prove anything,” Ravi protested. Their differences in body style were against him; one swift move and he’d be on the floor, nursing a black eye-or worse. “Please, I mean no harm against you. Just let me pass.”  _

_ Oh how he yearned for an ounce of bravery; a tinge, enough to push back at him for all of the misery he’s caused. But it doesn’t happen. He’s not stupid; Ravi knew what ever action he takes will have severe consequences. It took a great deal of force to bitterly swallow down his outrage, but one glance at the jock’s flexing muscles was enough to keep him in line.  _ **_Look at him, he would rip you apart. How foolish you to think you could ever take him on._ **

_ But Mitch didn’t listen. “You wanna see me teach him a lesson?” he asked the gathering crowd. They answered with a roar of “Yeah!” and “Make him suffer!” If he’d ever had a slight hope that there was at least one person at this God-forsaken school that might not have an aversion to him, it was way down the drain now.  _

_ “NO!” He shrieked, just as someone came up from behind him, seizing him by his arms and holding him against his will. “LET ME GO, PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU!”  _

_ “Aww, little Ravi’s begging again,” Mitch said in a baby voice. “Is Ravi scared?”  _

_ Ravi writhed, doing whatever it took to free himself. The other person was too strong, though and tightened their grip. He was sure he’d have a bruise on both arms. He tended to bruise easily.  _

_ Mitch’s hand rose in the air and Ravi winced, bracing himself for the impact. He’d been at the mercy of them previously and it never ended well. “Look at me you dork,” he forced Ravi to make eye contact with him. “That’s better.”  _

**_Just let me go. I won’t tell anyone. I swear._ ** _ Much to his horror, he felt tears welling up in his eyes and Mitch saw the whole thing.  _

_ “Oh my God. The dork is crying!”  _

_ “I am not!” he tried to say but it couldn’t be heard over the rumbling laughter that centered around him. Albeit he was released from the hold on him, it didn’t even help matters.  _

_ “It’s too bad his mommy isn’t around to hold his hand,” the person behind him teased. Ravi recognize that voice but couldn’t put a name to it. “Oh wait,” the person said, feigning innocence, “you don’t have a mommy, do you Ross? That’s why she gave you up.” _

_ Ravi flinched. It was no secret he was adopted; he stuck out like a sore thumb. Even Luke was often confused as the Ross’ biological child due to his resemblance to their father.  _

_ “Bet she was tired of his crap,” Mitch sniggered. “What a loser, not even your mom likes you. How pathetic can you be?”  _

_ The second jock, the person who had held Ravi, nudged his friend, speaking in a not to subtle voice, “I bet his mom was a whore, that’s how she ended up with him.” _

_ It was at that moment, a surge of anger shot through his veins, furious that anyone would dare speak of his mother in such a way. They start laughing and it was every bit of humiliating as it could have been. Their laughter reached his ears, echoing, mocking him. Ravi did the thing he knew to do: leave. _

_ “Hey!” Mitch barked, causing him to flinch again at the level of noise. “Where do you think you’re going, short stack?” he grabbed Ravi by the back of his shirt, yanking him backwards. Ravi let out an “oof” at the impact.  _

_ “I think he needs to be taught a lesson this time.”  _

_ “Yeah,” the jock agreed, “mommy didn’t teach him how to respect his superiors.”  _

_ “What a shame,” the second one mocked. “Poor little Robby is mannerless.”  _

_ “My name is Ravi,” Ravi stammered out, reacting with a gasp when the grip on his short tightened, pulling the material tighter around his neck. Choking him. Cutting off his air. It was scary yet exhilarating. Curiosity had him wondering what this would feel like; what dying would be like. He’d always imagined a thick rope, wrapped neatly around his neck, like a hug perhaps. A comforting hug that would soon pull him away from the pain he has known for far too long. It was the ideal death, not being choked in the middle of the hallway by a bully.  _

_ “Robby, Ravi, what’s the difference? They’re both stupid,” the second boy was oblivious to what was occurring.  _

_ “P-please,” he wheezed, “I b-beg of you...”  _

_ “You hear that!” the jock hooted with laughter, “he’s begging again.”  _

_ Several people began speaking at once, over stimulating his senses all at one time. Ravi’s eyes darted around, taking notice of the smirking faces.  _

_ "What a dumb accent."  _

_ "I bet he's with ISIS."  _

_ "Oooh! Better watch it or he'll blow you up!"  _

_ "I heard he's not even wanted here, the teachers just pity him."  _

_ "I heard his lizard is his only friend, even his family hates him."  _

_ "Course they do. Why else would they put him up for adoption."  _

_ "I wonder if he's a serial killer."  _

_ "Probably, that's why he wears those weird clothes. He's trying to blend in."  _

_ "Nerd."  _

_ "Weirdo." _

_ "FREAK!"  _

_ The whispering grew louder, surrounding him in a circle that he couldn't escape. His hands covered his ears in a desperate attempt to block out the voices but they penetrated through, overwhelming him to the point he screamed. _

It was happening again, for...what was it? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Almost every night his dreams were plagued by those terrifying nightmares, balancing between reality and delusion. But what was he to do about it? It wasn’t as if he had an endless, streaming support system ready at his beckon call. He was alone; fending for himself with little resources. Who was really going to care if he had a nightmare or two? Or more than he could count? Jessie would tell him not to be around when the family watched those scary movies that Luke or Emma picked out. Bertram wouldn’t care as long as he didn’t have to clean up anything. If anyone managed to get ahold of his parents (highly unlikely due to their  _ tremendously busy _ work schedule), they’d probably just tell him everything would be okay, perhaps tell Jessie to keep a closer eye on him. 

He didn’t even want to imagine what his siblings would say. 

_ Family is everything _ . What a  _ joke _ . What an overrated statement clearly spoken from a naive person with a  _ loving  _ family. The complete opposite of his own. The day he’d come home from the adoption center his new family had been so  _ happy _ to have him; there were so many fond memories that seemed vague now. Where was his happy ending? His bright future? It was bleak, simply put. Perhaps starvation in his village would have been better than this. 

It was better than living a life unwanted. 

Ravi tossed and turned for the umpteenth time; eyes scrunched shut, hands clamped into fists and his facial features contorted with distress. Every so often, at its worst peak, he would whimper for help, unbeknownst to him. Sometimes he would apologize, begging for forgiveness that he knew he didn’t deserve. 

_ “Moooom, Ravi’s talking to his lizard again!”  _

_ “Uuuh, Ravi, whatcha wearing?”  _

_ “Don’t worry, you’ll make friends one day....I hope.”  _

_ “You’re gonna be one of those guys that lives alone with a cat, aren't you?”  _

_ “Son, I just wish you were a little more...well, you know, like Luke.”  _

Sporty like Luke. Popular like Luke. Have the moves like Luke. Smooth as Luke. Luke, Luke, Luke! It had been difficult to conceal his inner seething, to resist the urge to climb a mountain top and shout that he  _ wasn’t Luke _ and therefore, shouldn’t be held to the same standards. However, to avoid the implication that he’d gone crazy (he  _ wasn’t _ ), Ravi just stopped most of his interaction with people. Not only in relation to the Luke topic but in general. Keeping quiet was helpful when you’ve got nothing worthwhile to share. 

Or wanted. 

“Uuugh,” Ravi groaned, arching his back. “No, no, get away.” With a violent toss, he flipped from side-to-side for the umpteenth time. His eyes were scrunched tightly shut and his facial features were contorted with distress. He pawed at the air, his actions becoming more and more frantic. “Get away, get away, please,” he muttered. His arms shot out, trying to knock down the invisible person attacking him. Incidentally, he pushed his alarm clock off his nightstand, sending it to the floor with a loud crash. 

“NOOO! GET AWAY FROM ME!” He shot up in the middle of the bed, blinded by fear and adrenaline pulsing through his veins that left him on edge; ready to attack whoever would dare to get in his way. His scream had reverberated off the walls until it bounced back in his direction. His scream, weak and hoarse,  _ hardly  _ recognizable to his own ears.

_ Was it only a dream?  _ He thought dazedly, his mind still swarming dangerously.  _ It felt so real _ .  _ So real. So real.  _ He touched his neck faintly, caressing the skin near his collarbone. The feeling of his shirt being pressed against it, cutting of any circulation was still there; just barely. Was this the Gods way of ridiculing him? To show him how utterly weak he was? 

He inhaled several large gulps of air, panting over and over to the point of hyperventilation. It was as if the walls were caving in; decreasing the amount of air he was receiving.  _ I cannot breathe. Oh Gods...  _

_ “You don’t have a mommy, do you Ross? That’s why she gave you up.” _

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” he screamed. “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” 

He could practically  _ hear  _ Mitch sniggering at him, taunting him like he always did.  _ It wouldn’t be happening if you weren’t such an easy target!  _

Ravi let out a strangled sob, wrapping his arms around himself with his knees pulled up to his chest. He cried until the tears exhausted themselves, until his throat was raw and he was physically unable to produce any more tear drops. 

With a sluggish hand, he wiped away any remaining wetness on his face; sparing a glance over in the direction of his beloved pet. Not a peep was heard from Mrs. Kipling’s cage, and for that he was grateful. It meant she was still sleeping, unbothered by the latest nightmare that left tears spilling down his cheeks and sweat droplets dampening his clothes.

“I am sorry for being such a bother.” It was an unintended whisper, addressed to no one. “I shall try harder.” 

_ I have been trying. I don’t know what else to do.  _

Jessie was always insisting to him and his siblings they should ask for help without hesitation.  _ Hasn’t he done that, though?  _ He’d been longing for someone to notice his scream for help, for months now. He was ignored by everyone, including Jessie. 

_ You’re not supposed to ask for help. You’re the smart one! Figure it out yourself!  _

He wasn’t supposed to  _ need _ any help because nothing was supposed to be too complicated for him to solve on his own.  _ Luke  _ was the one that needed explanations and assistance for simple tasks. Not him. As the brains of the family he was expected to have everything under control; to handle anything that came at him because nothing was supposed to be over his head. 

In this case, they would most definitely be disappointed. 

Because life itself was a roller-coaster of spiraling emotions that even the most educated, brilliant scientist couldn’t figure out. 

Surrounded by darkness, desolation, he sat there; upright and gripping the bed sheet, his knuckles drained of any color. His eyes, drained of any liveliness, stared ahead at the wall. His throat needed moistening but he disregarded it. 

It was times like those he  _ craved _ a human presence; not often did he feel an urging need, even less than did he succumb to those urges. 

_ I wish mom and dad were home _ . They were  _ never _ home and even if a miraculous intervention occurred, allowing them to stay for a few days, he was never their main priority. Their mother would busy herself by talking to Jessie about them; listen as Emma babbled on about the latest fashion trend and while Zuri mentioned some famous Youtuber that was  _ so cute  _ and  _ maybe they could meet him sometime.  _

Any hope of bonding with their dad was nonexistent by this point. It was well known to Ravi to that their dad favored Luke because they were much more compatible as father and son than they were. Their father had no interest in science or reading, thus putting their relationship on strain. The  _ very  _ few times they’d bonded together (with a little nudge from his mother to his father) it ended with Ravi barely holding it together. Why couldn’t his father understand his desire to abstain from sports? His sisters weren’t all that interested in sports either but  _ they _ were ridiculed for it or had the subject repeatedly brought up for persuasion (none of which ever worked). 

Even so, despite their flaws, Ravi greatly missed his parents.  _ I suppose it doesn’t matter. They’re busy. _ They were on  _ another _ business trip, Japan he thought he heard Jessie saying. Regardless of how desperately he wished for them to be near-in  _ person _ , not a facetime that left him as the last one to speak with a two minute time limit- it was simply impossible. 

_ Please come home. Please  _

_ They don’t care about you  _

_ You're just a worthless piece of garbage, everyone thinks so  _

_ Even Jessie does not care for you as much as she does the others _

Ravi loved Jessie, she was the older sister he wished he had the pleasure of having, though her job skills were less than to be desired. Hew could count off countless of times she would alleviate Zuri’s fears if she thought she saw a ghost in her room, or if Emma or Luke scared themselves after watching a scary movie. Ravi couldn’t ever recall a time she helped him as much as she did the other three. 

_ She just likes them better. You’re not as cute as Zuri or as witty as Luke or as important as Emma.  _

A year or two ago, Ravi would have dismissed that particular thought. Jessie didn’t have favorites, he would tell himself whenever his mood would begin to deteriorate. Jessie loved them all equally. 

It was becoming harder and harder to convince himself that was true.

A thumping noise alerted to Ravi that someone must be awake. His ears strained to listen, to detect who it was judging by their footsteps. He’d gotten good at it. But, to his utter dismay, it was just Mrs. Kipling. She’d changed positions and her tail had flapped against the inside of her cage. 

_ Of course.  _ His heart sank further.  _ Why would anyone care? They never do.  _

It was a relief, in a way, that he’d managed to get through another nightmare without waking anyone; he wasn’t up to answering any questions they might have. Yet, Ravi’s stomach dropped as the realization pooled, he couldn’t help but wonder why  _ hadn’t _ they woken up? His sibling’s rooms were adjacent to his own, they should have heard his screams night after night but no one ever turned on the lights, no one ever rushed to check on him. No one ever did anything. 

_ No one ever did anything.  _

Exhaustion was upon him, though the fear of more incoming nightmares kept him drifting off into a peaceful sleep. 

_ Peaceful.  _ A word he hadn’t associated with in months. Life had never been particularly peaceful or kind to him.

Ravi fell back on the bed, gazing up at his ceiling. The moonlight steeped in from underneath the window curtains, softly enveloping the room in a silvery hug.  _ It wouldn’t take much to just jump, I’d be dead within seconds, no suffering.  _ He blew out an audible sigh. He’d been through enough suffering; apparently whatever deity was up there didn’t think so.  _ How much more will I have to take?  _ He didn’t know how much more he  _ could _ take without breaking; he was already cracked. One more push and he’d fall apart completely. 

His sanity was like sand, slipping through his fingers until he no longer had a solid grasp on reality. 

And it would  _ never _ be fixed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tweaked with their ages. I got a little confused of the age differences between them but:   
> Emma: 18/19 ish   
> Luke: 18   
> Ravi: 17   
> Zuri: 12   
> Jessie: 25

"Alright kids, time to get up! Breakfast is on the table and Luke, don't you dare go back to sleep or I'll take you to school in your underwear!"

Jessie's holler projected through the thick door, loud and clear. It had to be, especially to get Luke awake this early.

Ravi's eyelids fluttered open; his vision was overwhelmed briefly from floating spots before it adjusted accordingly and focused in on his alarm clock. It had taken nearly two hours for the sweet, tempting call of sleep succumbed him, where unsettled thoughts and images still haunted him. Although none of which had come close to the one involving Mitch.

At the end of Ravi's sophomore year, Mitch had insulted his mother in the middle of the hallway after he had initially refused to take the jock's bait to rile him up. He'd hoped by ignoring the bullies they'd just leave him alone. It was what Jessie and his parents would have told him. It's what any teacher, principal or counselor at school would have said. But it didn't. Mitch was not one to let it go. After an unsuccessful attempt at shoving Ravi into one of the lockers (he'd had a tiny growth spurt over the course of the year, though he was still strikingly smaller than other boys his age), he'd raised his arm up and Ravi, anticipating violence, let out an involuntary whimper. What occurred after that was fairly relevant to the dream; he had been made fun of which led to Mitch and some other jocks to make jokes about his mother. Ravi rushed home that day and spent the remaining time locked up in his room, sobbing into his pillow.

No one asked why he hadn't ate dinner.

No one heard his cries.

No one did _anything._

 _I don't want to go._ Ravi flipped over onto his back and laid there, staring up at the ceiling with a pounding heart and sickened stomach. _Another year of misery. I cannot wait._

Sluggishly, he arose into a seating position; a struggle as this was not by choice. He winced at the pain shooting up from his left his to his shoulder, accompanied by pins and needles. _I must have slept on it,_ he realized, yawning.

He stretched his arms over his head and yawned again. That sense of refreshness one was supposed to feel after a night's rest was unfamiliar to Ravi. Oftentimes, he awakened drained. Drained and finished with the day despite that it just began.

Didn't he deserve something more? Some kind of happiness and not immediate dread?

He felt sticky; uncomfortable. Drenched in sweat that had not only dampened his pajama top but additionally his blanket and left a visible stain on his bed sheet. _Oh no_ , he groaned. Panicked. Fretted. _Not again_. Night sweats were something he was accustomed to, so he should have been prepared for this. _But you weren't._ He'd better air dry everything before Jessie found them. Or worse, Luke.

Ravi shuddered. He'd never live it down if that happened. Come to think of it, Luke didn't let him live down anything, always willing to bring up that _totally amusing_ incident from years ago that sent everyone into a fit of laughter at his expense.

Was it natural to experience such... _resentment_ toward someone hat the mere thought of them was enough induce those feelings?

Ravi hadn't minded Luke's tendency to tease him, _make fun of him,_ he corrected himself sourly. He figured this was part of a typical brotherly relationship and so allowed it to continue without saying a word to their parents (or Jessie) for it hadn't ever occurred to him that Luke would have less than pure intentions. But you can only take so much and Ravi was nearing his breaking point. At what point would everyone realize just how far he'd come to breaking? No one understood him, no one knew how truly betrayed and alone he felt. And no one ever would.

"Kids! Come on, seriously. I shouldn't have to keep telling you!"

Ravi peeled off his night shirt, flinging it to the other side of the room where it missed his clothes basket completely.

How had he forgotten about school? For the past week and a half, (actually two and a half weeks but it didn't get started right away due to resistance from his siblings), they'd been in transition from summer schedule back to school schedule. It included an earlier bedtime and reestablishing an earlier morning routine. This didn't coincide with either Luke or Zuri; they'd both been unreservedly dead set against starting the new school year and moaned and groaned about it whenever the opportunity arose.

Emma was a freshman in college this year, which meant one less kid to push out the door (and less of a strain on Jessie's sanity). Instead of attending class physically, she signed up for online classes to make it easier on herself and took great pleasure in bragging that _she_ got to stay home all day.

Ravi couldn't say age had matured his older sister.

Of course, Zuri was the first to protest at the unjustice of it all, (Luke didn't...surprisingly).

Sometimes Ravi envied his siblings and their naivety. Zuri saw it as a quick and easy way to learn without actually having to do much.

He saw it as an escape; a way out that appeared _so close_ yet it wasn't, as he still had two more years of torture to get through.

At least this was Luke's last year.

Perhaps senior year would be different; maybe he'd be his own person. Maybe he wouldn't be tormented as much and asked over and over why he wasn't like his brother.

He doubted it.

Ravi slid back under under the blankets, staying under for several minutes; savoring the warmth and comfort. Had it always been this early? His body felt deprived of any and all energy. _It doesn't help when you wake up from a nightmare, either_ , he thought. _I could take a few more minutes. Jessie won't notice. I'll just tell her I was taking care of Mrs. Kipling._

Nothing would have been more pleasing than to stay in bed, covered by the blankets and buried within. Like a cacoon. A warm, flower scented cocoon. Safe from any predators that may be lurking around.

Jessie wouldn't approve.

Nor would she understand.

But, then again, she couldn't entirely be blamed for that... It wasn't thoroughly obvious that he'd gone through a massive personality change, he thought bitterly.

School had previously excited him; studying in a new country, the prospect of learning rich, new information. It was thrilling. If that wasn't enough, he wasn't alone anymore. He had siblings to accompany him. He didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn anymore to spent a good portion of the day trekking to the village school, barefoot and in the harshest conditions.

He had it easy compared to those still living in his village. Most boys his age were working, searching for anything to keep their family alive and well. Even going as far to steal or kill for a loaf of bread or a jug of water. Ravi had running water and electricity. Food was never out of bounds, he'd never had to go hungry because they were limited.

_You live like a prince while others starve to death. How is that fair? They never asked for that, just as you never asked to be adopted by a rich family. You don't deserve these riches; they do. They work hard to survive, what do you do?_

Ravi bit down on his lower lip, suppressing down a trail of emotions. Guilt had been eating away at him for months, a year or two even. It came with the inability to understand _why_ ; why had he been chosen over everyone else? How had his parents seen him and instantly _knew_ they wanted him as their child? _It should have been someone else so they could truly appreciate it. I'm just taking up space._

"Knock, knock." It was Jessie. Her voice snapped him out of his stupor. Ravi jerked and sat back up so she wouldn't scold him for trying to fall back asleep. "Hey, you decent?"

 _As a person? Hardly,_ he inwardly scoffed. "Yes," he called, shoving the blanket off the bed and making sure he sat directly over the stained spot. "You may come in."

The door opened and in came Jessie, looking a little groggy herself. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail and she wore no makeup. "Good morning," she greeted to which he reciprocated with a half-hearted smile. Had to keep up appearances, after all.

"Bertram made pancakes and waffles and there's some orange juice in the fridge. I made sure there's no pulp for you." There was a hint of fondness on her face.

Ravi raised his eyebrows. "Bertram made breakfast?" he questioned skeptically.

"Your parents facetimed me," Jessie smirked. "They wanted to wish you guys a good first day of school but y'all were still sleeping."

"Ah," he understood. _That_ made more sense. The day Bertram willingly cooked and cleaned was a day not in the foreseeable future.

"You know, I'm not sure why you always keep it so dark in here. Let some light in," Jessie went over to the window, pushing the curtains to each side. "It's such a beautiful morning, don't you think?"

Instantly, that 'beautiful' morning light blinded him; bursting inro the entire room and filling with all that sunshiny goodness that the average person would love. Ravi covered his face with his hands, shaking his head vigorously.

"Oh stop that, it's not that bad."

_Says you_

"And by the way," Jessie crossed back to the other side, stepping over dirty laundry and whatever else that laid haphazardly along the floor. There were many disputes about that particular issue in which Jessie had all but accused him of trying to be like Luke. Oh, if only she knew. "Were you up around two this morning?"

Ravi looked up, hardly daring to believe it. _Did she hear me? Perhaps so. But why hadn't she come to comfort me? Was she trying not to embarrass me? Is that all?_

"Because Zuri says she heard Mrs. Kipling," Jessie continued, shattering any hope Ravi had that _someone_ had heard him, he had gone unnoticed. Of course. "Honestly, Ravi, two am isn't the time to play."

"But I-"

"No buts," she rebuked, shaking a finger in his direction. "You should have been asleep anyway. We don't need you falling asleep in class. I'm a little disappointed in you, Ravi; you need to be responsible and set an example for Zuri."

 _What about Luke?_ He asked but didn't voice. _What about his responsibilities? Why must I always pick up the slack for the both of us?_

"Yes Jessie," he murmured obediently. "I'm sorry."

Jessie's face softened. She reached out to ruffle his hair-it took _all_ of his inner strength not to flinch under her touch. "It's okay. You're a teenager, you're gonna push my buttons," she chuckled. He did not. "So," there was a change of subject and her tone became chipper, "are you ready for your first day of junior year?"

 _Am I ready for another year of disappointment and torment? I'd rather face the electric chair, quite honestly._ Ravi no longer had the zealous attitude his younger self had; now he dreaded school. The bullies he'd gotten away from for the summer would be returning, some for the last time as this was their senior year. The anxiety from the last school year was back with a vengeance, imagining the worst possible outcomes, and he hadn't even had breakfast yet.

"I remember my junior year," Jessie reminisced, not giving him any time to answer, thank the Gods. "I spent the whole year crushing on Caleb McFarland and planning on how to beat Darla for prom queen." Her head was tilted to the side, losing herself in the daydream.

"Did you win?" Ravi asked politely. Polite. That's how he was, the polite kid. It was easier to feigh inquisitiveness than to explain how much he wanted her to leave. It wouldn't have been very polite.

"Well," Jessie spluttered, shrugging in what she tried to pass off as nonchalant "it doesn't matter. That was years ago. And Caleb broke up with her at graduation anyway so..."

Ravi didn't know how Jessie did it; rejection after rejection and the most depressing homelife stories. Rarely had it all crashed on top of her, leaving her helpless and broken. _That's more than you can say._

"Hey, are you okay?" Jessie must have noticed his despondent look. "What's wrong? You can talk to me if you need to, you know that, Ravi."

"Huh?" Ravi's head snapped up. He hadn't meant to lose himself like that. He couldn't afford to; not in front of other people. "Oh. Yes, I am fine. Just tired." It was an easy lie to pass off, almost _too_ easy as it slipped off his tongue.

The worry slid off her face and she laughed, believing it right away. She didn't have a reason not to. He almost wished her nanny instincts would kick in; perhaps question it because it wasn't typical behavior, not for him. "I'm not surprised. You spent most of your summer sleeping, you're almost as bad as Luke."

 _Yes, it's always Luke._ "Speaking of Luke," Jessie rolled her eyes, "I better go see if he's up yet. You'd think at eighteen, he'd be a _little_ more responsible."

 _Yes, you'd think, wouldn't you?_ Ravi waited until she closed the door, hastily bundling up the bed attire and shoving it in the dirty clothes basket. He'd deal with it later. It wasn't likely for Bertram to decide that today, of all days, he'd do the laundry.

_Or any day_

Ravi yanked off a black shirt from the hanger, threw a plaid green shirt over it, leaving the front unbuttoned and pulled on a pair of jeans. He'd long given up on wearing obnoxious clothes all of the time. At first, Jessie and his parents were semi concerned (Ravi could give them that) but overall dismissed it as a phase to figure himself out.

What a load of _garbage._

In the corner of the room there was a mirror, one that came from Emma's room. Jessie had suggested she give it to him instead of just throwing it away. _Why?_ Ravi had scoffed to himself at the time. What use would he have for it? To preen and admire himself? Occasionally, there would be a swift glance in the mirror as he got dressed, grimacing at what he saw.

He was too skinny

He had no muscle

He was too short

His knees were knobby

It was enough persuasion for him to sort of hide in his clothes and why he quit wearing shorts altogether unless it happened to be for PE.

Ravi pulled on a pair of socks and tied his shoes. Just for spite, he shut the curtains-however, beforehand, he stared down at the people below as they traveled to work or school. He imagined the happy, smiling faces of some and it made his blood boil. It was _unfair._ Ravi didn't try to act spoiled or entitled. He didn't want attention or pity. His bitterness was aimed at anybody these days. Anybody that was happy or living their best life. They had no right living that way when he was suffering.

 _I suppose I should go downstairs and join the 'family'_ , Ravi scowled. That inner rebellious part of him nudged him, encouraging that he just lay back in bed until Luke and Zuri left the table. If worst came to worst, he'd leave for school without any breakfast, not that it would be the first time. He'd have to be smarter this time around; the last time it created a slew of problems that still angered him to this day.

 _Although I suppose I should applaud them for paying attention_ , he thought sarcastically. _First time for everything._

He stalked toward toward the door, distantly catching wind of a low hissing noise. Oh. He'd nearly forgotten to let Mrs. Kipling out. She tended to be in an unpleasant mood after being cramped up in a cage for so long.

"Good morning, Mrs. Kipling," he murmured as he bent down, unlocking the latch on her cage. His pet growled as an acknowledgement, nuzzling against his outstretched hand. Ravi smiled genuinely at the gesture. _She_ understood him, even through the language barrier.

Yet the ones that could actually speak to him acted as though he was some sort of space alien.

Mrs. Kipling's growl met his ears. He stared into her eyes as she pleaded for food. "I am sorry, Mrs. K but you know you can't eat until later," he said apologetically, stroking along her back.

She expressed her indignation (he _swore_ she really did understand him sometimes) by inching away from him. Ravi ignored the pang of hurt in his heart. She'd get over it once Jessie fed her. _Oh who I am kidding? My own pet hates me._

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I assure you, you won't starve. Jessie will fed you." _If she doesn't forget._

"Ravi!" the door flew open; Jessie burst in, exclaiming. Ravi just about had a heart attack, jumping a foot in the air. "Get downstairs and eat or you'll be late. Mrs. Kipling will still be here when you get back."

That tiny glimmer of happiness he'd felt with Mrs. Kipling dissipated almost instantaneously.

He didn't say a word or even glance in her direction. If he had, he might have given her the impression that he was trying to burn holes through her head. _Or worse._ He picked himself off the floor and made his way out to the hallway. If he'd of stayed, he would have dealt with a mini lecture for not having his backpack ready like he was supposed to.

Like he'd been told to.

True to her word, there had definitely been fresh pancakes and waffles. The aroma hit his nostrils as soon as he neared the kitchen. _Well, I am a bit peckish._ As if on cue, his stomach growled embarrassingly loud. Perhaps skipping out on lunch _and_ dinner (with just a piece of toast in the morning that he eventually threw up) yesterday hadn't been the wisest of choices.

Food has been nauseating to him all day with the anticipation of school the next day. How could he have possibly eaten anything else? There was simply no desire for consumption.

Luke, Zuri and most peculiarly, Emma were seated at the kitchen table, partially eating their breakfast. Nobody was talking. Luke was stuffing his face per usual and the girls were glued to their cell phones. Bertram was huddled in the corner, reading one of those magazines he frequently bought, feet propped and munching on a bag of cheddar popcorn. _How can he eat that this early?_ Neither his siblings or Bertram greeted him and he didn't say a word to them. That was how it was every morning, unless Jessie happened to be in the room and _maybe_ he might get a good morning if she wasn't already preoccupied. Ravi didn't hope or expect anything anymore.

He grabbed a plate from the cabinet, moving along to the counter where the food would be so as to help himself to some waffles. Upon lifting the paper towel off of the large serving plate, a ripple of scornful laughter came to the back of his throat. There wasn't any waffles besides a few stray crumbs. Just one measly pancake that was burnt on one side. He didn't even _like_ pancakes.

"Alright, who ate all the-oh," he said flatly, catching sight of Luke's syrupy face amid a rather large bite. His brother grinned, unfortunately granting him the ability to see the mush of chewed up waffles in his mouth. Almost immediately that queasiness returned. _Ugh, that's disgusting. Close your mouth._

"Sorry, bro," Luke said in a tone that conveyed the exact opposite whilst shrugging. "Ya snooze, ya loose."

 _You could have waited! You know I prefer waffles over pancakes! No, you deliberately did this to upset me. You're always trying to upset me._ Ravi ranted in his mind, leaving every single word unsaid. Oh what they would do if he _really_ spoke his mind. He took a deep breath and said with forced calmness, "Perhaps next time you could leave me a couple."

"Or maybe you could drag your butt downstairs on time," Zuri retorted with her signature 'attitude'. She tapped away on her phone, despite their parents' rule about no electronics at the table.

"Yeah," Luke chimed in, "what she said!"

 _Stay out of it, Zuri, this isn't your conversation!_ "Luke, this isn't the first time you've done this," he struggled to keep a hold on his temper, "I shouldn't have to ask for you to extend common courtesy."

"Oh my _God_ , Ravi! Shut up, it's just a stupid waffle," Emma tore her eyes away from her own phone, aggervated by his persistence of the subject.

"But I-"

"If you're that upset just ask Bertram to make you some more," she went back to chatting with whomever, probably telling that person all about her deranged ( _if_ she could spell it, to which he was skeptical of) brother and his petty concerns.

"I would but it's so far away,' Bertram interjected, waving a hand lazily toward the stove.

Ravi rolled his eyes, dropping his eyes toward the floor in defeat. "It is fine, I'll just make them myself," he muttered under his breath as he glanced on the box for the directions. _You should not have gotten so upset. It was just a waffle. You're overreacting. Again._ Just as he was acquiring an egg, Zuri spoke up again.

"You won't have time. Remember, we have to take the long way today because of all the construction?"

 _No, because no one told me!_ Ravi practically threw the ingredients back into the fridge, dumping the lone pancake onto his plate, which was surely cold by now. There was hardly any point in heating it up; he sat down as far away from his siblings as he was able to (difficult when they were scattered around the table).

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm taking a nap as soon as I get home," Zuri announced to no one in particular. "I forgot about school and stayed up till like four-thirty."

"Dude, me too," Luke snorted. "But I stayed up till five."

"You did not," Zuri argued, for once setting down her phone to properly discuss the matter. "I heard snoring."

"It was probably Ravi," Luke and Zuri snickered at the 'joke'. Ravi was unimpressed. "He almost inhaled the drapes once."

"You mean the time you two shared a bed in Spain?" Zuri asked, her face splitting into a wide grin at the reminder.

"Yeah," Luke confirmed, giggling. "And mom and dad wondered why I was tired. Try sleeping with Snore-A-Lot and you'll see why."

 _Way to exaggerate, Luke._ Ravi took a bite of his food, suddenly remembering he'd forgotten his drink. He went ahead and got a glass of orange juice, sipping on it delicately while attempting to drown out the vexatious peels of laughter that erupted from his siblings. Did they truly have nothing more enjoyable to do than to pick on him?

The conversation did drift away from Ravi's supposed snoring and back to the topic of school. However, it was nothing more than complaints from both Luke and Zuri. Emma paid them no attention; she seemed to have grasped the ability of blocking out any other noise that didn't pertain to her interest.

_Lucky her_

"At least there's only three weeks until the first half day," Zuri tried to be somewhat positive.

Luke was having none of it, determined to be a debby downer. "That's too long," he groaned. "What am I gonna do until then?"

_Take initiative to improve your grades, instead of your social status, perhaps?_

It was a wonder he hadn't been forced to repeat his junior year. Luke's grades on his most recent report card were less than stellar, the poorest they had ever been. Yet by a miracle of some sorts, he'd been allowed to continue up to the next grade level _if_ he complied and went to summer school to improve on a few things. And he did; though he didn't have a choice. Ravi was still trying to figure out how Luke managed not to get grounded. Besides a lengthy lecture from their parents and Jessie, nothing was taken away or restricted.

_Of course not. Not for Luke._

"Wait a second," Luke said suddenly, as if he'd just had a major epiphany, "why are you up?" he directed this question toward Emma. _Did he really just notice?_

"Yeah," Zuri frowned, "I thought you were gonna sleep in till noon?"

"Afraid we'd leave without saying goodbye?" Luke teased.

"Please," Emma scoffed, "Jessie said I couldn't sleep in; something about acting like an adult even though I don't have a job or whatever. It's totes unfair."

 _Some people are facing poverty or a terminal illness but yes, let's focus on your problems._ Ravi just about had it with their whining but couldn't say anything or they would turn on him again.

"Ravi, sweetie, did you wet the bed?" Jessie pushed the door to the kitchen open, carrying his wet pajamas and bed attire.

Ravi stared at her in horror, rendered speechless. All three of his siblings burst into laughter at his expense, nearing hysteria. Even Bertram chuckled a bit. _Jessie! Must you ask in front of everyone? Have you no concern for privacy?_

"Guys, stop it," Jessie scolded them, disappointed by their actions. _As if this was an unusual reaction._ " It's not funny."

"No, it's hilarious!" Zuri barely choked out the words.

The room felt like it was spinning, the air felt tight. Ravi swallowed thickly, unable to respond to her question due to the lump that formed in his throat. _Do not cry, don't you dare cry. It will make things worse._

"Ravi?" Jessie prompted softly. She set the offensive items on the counter, disregarding the _I'm not cleaning that_ from Bertram and sat down next to him, rubbing his back before he pulled away from her touch. "It's okay, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Lindsey Rodner wet the bed until she was eighteen."

"What a dor-" Luke started to say but shut up as soon as Jessie's withering glare came to him. _Why can she not be that way with him all the time?_

_Because he's her favorite. She isn't as annoyed anymore when he flirts with her_

_She's always been lenient with him_

_And always will be_

_It isn't fair_

_Nothing is ever fair, is it?_

_She's not going to listen to me. I cannot believe she just said it so openly_

_That's because she doesn't care. You're not her favorite. You're just the extra she's stuck with to care for_

Jessie then focused her concentration back onto Ravi. "Look, it's okay. Maybe you just drank too much last or-"

"He's just a bed wetter?" Luke quipped. There was a smirk on his face that Ravi wanted _so badly_ to wipe off. "Don't worry Ravi, I'm sure plenty of people your age still wet the bed. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

_Except for your use of a condescending tone_

"Luke's right," Jessie paused, torn between agreeing with her assessment or not, taking in consideration his less than _eloquent_ way of putting things. "Sort of. Kind of. The point is, you shouldn't be ashamed. Most people go through it."

 _But I never did._ Couldn't they just shut up? If Jessie had bothered to even _check_ she would have found that nothing smelled remotely close to urine. Why was he not surprised she did not?

"Can we talk about something else?" Emma interrupted, wrinkling her nose. "I'm trying to enjoy my coffee."

Jessie shot her a dirty look. The one that told her to have a little consideration; the same one often sent to his siblings when they were being insensitive toward him. Ravi knew that one by heart.

"It is fine," he stood up, taking his dishes to the sink where he rinsed them off. "I'll finish getting ready and perhaps we can leave soon after." He dodged Jessie's efforts at restarting the conversation, pretending to be thoroughly engrossed in washing the orange juice out of his cup.

"Okay," she sounded confused, dismayed that he was pushing her away. "But at least change into shorts. It's way too hot outside for jeans."

"Or maybe your whole outfit." Emma's eyes _bore_ into his back, he was sure of it. Probably cringing too. "Seriously, why are you dressed like someone died?"

"Maybe he's going goth?" Luke suggested.

"Luke, don't be ridiculous," Jessie told him, though she was somewhat unsure. "You're not, are you?" she had the audacity to ask.

_You've got to be kidding me!_

"No," he replied, amazed that he hadn't blown up yet. His temper was teetering back and forth, dangerously swaying. Didn't they _notice?_

"Oh," she uttered with the intelligence of a tadpole. "Well, even if you were-"

He zoned her out, unwilling to listen to another second of her incessant ramblings. Or anyone's for that matter. Did they not know him at all? If they had, they wouldn't have incorrectly assumed he'd wet the bed or was going through a ridiculous phase to 'express himself'.

He made his way back to his room, where he became aware his backpack was already arranged neatly on his bed; zipped up and ready to go. Obviously Jessie's doing. Because he couldn't be trusted to do it on his own.

_You don't deserve to be trusted_

Mrs. Kipling was nowhere to be seen. Good. He wasn't about to allow himself to unleash his anger on his beloved lizard. _She_ didn't do anything to warrant it. _She_ was innocent.

Since Emma wasn't attending high school any longer, it meant she didn't monopolize the bathroom and he didn't have to be stuck as the last one in (which was a recurring theme around the penthouse).

He pressed his hands against the marble counter, leaning his forehead down on it; it was chilly against his heated skin. He was tired, just so _tired_ of everything. Raising his head, he turned on the water and splashed at his face. Maybe this would wake him up.

With water droplets falling down his face, his fatigued reflection stared back at him in the mirror with haunted eyes. Nowadays he avoided glancing in the mirror. A way not to ponder over old memories.

Ravi reached for his toothbrush-the first time in days. For nearly a week, he'd given up on basic hygiene practices-including bathing. He couldn't explain why other than he just...didn't feel up to it. In hindsight, it worsened things. Reminded him of his village and their lack of. _You have unlimited access and you're putting it to waste!_ _Mai_ _would be so disappointed._ Now that school was starting he'd gotten a shower the night before (an hour long, unintentionally. Jessie had been pounding her fist on the door, asking what was taking so long). He didn't need body odor (or bad breath) to give Mitch or anyone else any more fuel to use against him.

_I hope you're planning on doing something about...all of that_

Insecurity crept up. Ravi ran a comb through his hair; he'd used to spike it everyday but now little effort went into it. What was the point? They'd be ruined by the end of the day anyway; if Mitch had his way he'd have a swirly before lunch.

He brought the toothbrush up to his teeth; moving it methodically around his mouth, careful not to gag himself.

Had he always been so pale? Well, as pale as his olive skin could get.

Had his eyes always looked so sunken?

The pictures surrounding their home showed a happy, healthy child. As of recently, he was an entirely different person.

One that was seemingly hated by everyone.

But it didn't matter. He hated that person too.

Ravi was nearly done brushing when he heard a knock (a _pound_ ) on the door. "Ravi! Come on, it's my turn!" It was Zuri. Her voice was a bit frantic, perhaps she realized how much time they had left after wasting time checking her social media or the latest video.

"Can you not use the one in mom and dad's room?" he retorted, annoyed. He should have known. He never got a moments peace; even if he managed to squeeze in before anyone else, there would always be someone that forced him to rush. Why did he even bother to try?

"Mom says I'm not allowed to!" his sister yelled back.

Right. He'd forgotten. The last time she used their parents' bathroom she'd come out wearing some of their mother's most expensive make up and practically bathed herself in perfume. She spent the rest of the morning washing it off. Needless to say, their mother was quite peeved after Jessie had given her the rundown.

"Just open up. I still need to brush my teeth!"

_Well perhaps if you had obeyed our parents you would have time._

"Can you not wait a moment longer? I still need to use the toilet."

"You should have done that already," Zuri said matter-of-factly, dismissing _his_ needs. "C'mon! Jessie's already on the warpath. You got Luke in trouble, ya know!"

"Oh, did I?" it was a bit risky, to let that much sarcasm in his voice. Right now, he just didn't care.

"Yeah for 'upsetting you'." He was certain she just used air quotes. "You were overreacting anyway."

 _I was overreacting? It wasn't even my fault anyway. He should have kept his mouth shut. Serves him right._ Ravi did his business anyway, indifferent to her distress. She didn't care about him, she'd made that abundantly clear, so why should he care about her and her needs?

"RAVI!"

"Very well," he sighed irritably. He did as she requested begrudgingly. Seconds later, he was promptly shoved toward the door without any regard for him, to ask if he was done yet. No it was all about her. "Hey!"

"Move," she made shooing motions. "I have to get ready!"

"I haven't even gargled any mouthwash yet." She threw the bottle at him; he didn't catch it. "Very well, _I_ will use mom and dad's room."

"Luke's in there," she said to which he stopped walking. "Try the kitchen sink."

The kitchen sink. His siblings were so selfish they couldn't spare a minute or two for him to finish. Typical.

"Forget it," he gave the bottle back to Zuri, muttering under his breath. He'd just grab a piece of gum; not a preferable solution but in this case, doable.

In a matter of five minutes, he was downstairs with his backpack slung over his shoulder and a minty piece of gum currently being chewed in his mouth. Unexpectedly, he encountered Luke, who was usually one of the last to get done on school mornings. This time, however, he was laying around on the couch, freshened up and properly clothed.

"Hey, so Jessie says I have to apologize, so sorry, I guess," his brother shrugged and popped one of his headphones into his ear.

_You cannot even try to act like you're sorry, can you? Is faking sincerity too much for you now?_

Ravi stood by the elevator, arms crossed and tried to adapt a neutral expression. _You don't want questions do you? Have some sense for Gods sake._

"I just need five more minutes! Just let me blend my eyeshadow!"

"You should have thought about that before wasting so much time," Jessie told her as they came down the stairs, all but dragging his sister along. She began counting them off. "Alright, Luke's here, Ravi's here, Zuri's here-Emma!"

"What?" they heard a yell from upstairs.

"I want you to get started on your school work by the time I get back, okay? No later than eight."

"But Jessie," Emma came to the top of the banister, having changed from her pajamas to a white, fluffy robe. They'd caught her before she showered, evidently. "It's an _online_ class, I can do it anytime."

"But you're going to do it when I say so," Jessie was firm. "Besides, you'll have more time to work on your fashion deigns."

Emma had grown quite serious about wanting to become a fashion designer and was currently devoting as much time as possible to creating the 'best of the best' fashion line.

"Ooooh, you're right," She clapped her hands together, excited. "Good thinking, Jessie!" She disappeared back to the bathroom.

"At least one kid thinks so," Jessie muttered then turned her attention back onto the other three. "Alright, you all ready to go?"

They nodded-Luke and Zuri's being more of mournfulness.

"You're sure?" she probed. "You aren't forgetting anything?"

"How could we? You've been asking us for two days," Zuri sassed. Jessie ignored this.

"Ravi, did you get your lunch? I made sure it's chicken salad this time, not tuna."

Oh how she'd been so surprised when he corrected her that he, in fact, did not like tuna despite her insistence that he did.

He did not. He grabbed it off the counter and stuffed it into his backpack, returning to his original spot just in time to witness her lecture to his siblings.

"Zuri, if I get another call about using your phone in class it's gone. No warnings, it's mine for a month."

His sister gasped in shock.

"And Luke, don't mess around this year. It's important, got it?" she raised her eyebrows as he hastily removed the earbud from his ear.

"Heh. Right."

"And try to look out for Ravi, okay? I think he's having a rough time," Jessie moved in closer to Luke, whispering discreetly, or so she thought. Ravi overheard everything.

"I guess."

"No, not 'you guess', do it. Ravi's your brother and brothers look out for each other."

"Okay, fine. And Jessie?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have a kiss goodbye?"

"Go to school," she rolled her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Perhaps Jessie had been correct, the temperature  _ was _ a tad scorching, much higher than he had anticipated. A trickle of sweat dropped down the back of his neck followed by another and another. His shirt clung to his clammy skin which only worsened the issue-and they’d only been exposed to the heat for a total of six and a half minutes (he’d counted).

It was a sauna out there. All things considered, it would have behooved them to carry a water bottle for hydration, albeit none of them had thought that far. It wouldn’t have surprised him in the least if the paint began to peel off the buildings or signs. The hottest temperature of the summer so far was happening today, nearing the record high set quite a few years back. 

_ Stop whining. It’s your fault. You should have listened to Jessie  _

He should have known; dark colors on an excruciatingly hot day was suicide.  _ If only it were that easy.  _ What if the teachers left the windows open all day? He would be hot, hot and sweaty. Hot and sweaty all day until school was over. It wasn’t as if he could simply take off his shirt- 

“Ravi!” The blaring noise of a car horn surrounded him. He thought he heard someone yelling but wasn’t quite sure. Slowly, he blinked, trying to get a grip on his bearings. Zuri and Luke were at the end of the crosswalk, motioning wildly for him to move. To his left, the driver of the abruptly stopped car was yelling obscenities and shaking her fist.  _ Now look what you’ve done.  _

People were staring, snickering, shaking their heads. With a little more pace in his step, he hurried to the end of the crosswalk and joined his siblings. They were understandably exasperated, maybe even mortified. 

_ I know I would be if I had a brother that was a disappointment _

“Dude, what was that?” Had Luke not gone through majority of puberty, his voice would have heightened in pitch. His eyes were wide and there was some kind of emotion clouding over his face that Ravi couldn’t name.  _ Amusement?  _ “You just stopped. That’s weird even for you.” 

He couldn’t even act concerned without insulting him?  _ Should I be happy he noticed?  _

“You could’ve gotten hit by that car,” Zuri frowned. 

Ravi saw the driver of that car start to head off, not without giving him the finger, though. “I know,” he sighed heavily. He just wanted to get on with it or they  _ would _ be late. “Can we just go? I still need to go to my locker.” 

“Are you sure?” Luke was oddly....caring.  _ Why? _ “We can take a break if you need to.” 

_ So you can make fun of me for it later?  _

This was a joke, something to make him let his guard down. Ravi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He didn’t know what Luke had planned to do to him, presumably in retalience for the lecture Jessie had put him through, but he knew one thing: he wasn’t falling for it. 

“I’m fine,” he replied coolly, promptly turning on his heel and continuing their walk. “Unless you would care to be late on the first day, I suggest you start walking.” 

He didn’t see Luke and Zuri exchanging concerned glances or hear the subtle whisper. 

All he wanted to do was arrive safely. People, people made him nervous. And being in New York, there were far too many roaming the streets for his liking. Some tried to be friendly and smile, others ignored him and some were just pain rude; exhibit a being Miss-distracted-and-drinking-expensive-coffee-that-nearly-spilled-on-him. 

_ You were in her way. Everyone knows you should stick to the end of the sidewalk. But noooo, you’re too mad at the world to care or remember. If anyone’s rude, it’s you _

The rest of the way there was a blur to Ravi. He knew he was moving; his legs were averaging at a sufficient stride and he was passing by several buildings. But it was all in a haze; slow motion. His hand flew up to his head. Was he dizzy? Should he have eaten more breakfast? 

_ You would have if Luke hadn’t ate it all  _

Why didn’t he just stay in bed? Fake a cold that would have mysteriously vanished in a few days or create realistic looking vomit to spew all over his bed. It was uncharacteristic of him, more of a stunt Luke would pull after procrastinating on an assignment for two weeks. 

“I can’t believe it!” Ravi flinched. “Hailey Long just posted a picture of her and Kate Saunders walking to school together.” 

“So?” Luke didn’t understand what the big deal was, and for once, Ravi had the same train of thought. “What’s wrong with that?” 

“What’s wrong is that she didn’t ask me to walk with her,” Zuri huffed, vexed by the situation and her brother’s ignorance. 

“I thought you hated her?” 

“That doesn’t mean she gets to exclude me like that,” their sister flipped some of her hair back, tying it into a short ponytail. “I’ve never done that to her.” 

“Actually, didn’t you dump a bucket of blue paint over her head and Jessie had to come get you and practically beg the teacher not to ban you from class?” Luke mused. 

Zuri waved the thought away, shrugging. “Yeah but that’s in the past.” A moment passed by and she added, “I’m sure glad I don’t have Mrs. Rodriguez this year. She was cray cray with a capital C.” 

Ravi’s hands clenched and unclenched. There was a great desire to defend this teacher, she didn’t deserve to be a victim of Zuri’s jokes. Had she completely lost her manners? It was entirely unacceptable! 

_ Speak up and say something if you’re so upset  _

_ Why? So they can think I’m crazy?  _

_ Maybe you are crazy _

Was he? Was everything just in his head? No one else seemed to discern anything other than what was going on in their own little world. Maybe he  _ was _ crazy and the issues he was facing was all apart of a delusion. 

If that was the case, how does one escape? God knows he wanted to. 

** 

There it was, they’d made it with fifteen minutes to spare.  _ How fortunate _ . Zuri trotted off to the middle school portion of the building, bopping her head to the music streaming from her phone. 

Ravi’s heart hammered almost too forcefully for one person to bear. He was sure he was trembling or perhaps his legs were merely caught off guard from the walk they’d made; he hadn’t so much as left the penthouse all summer long unless Jessie dragged him. 

He felt sick; nauseous. With the combination of the heat, his nerves and lack of proper nutrition, he could’ve very well upchucked at any moment. He inhaled and exhaled, slowly, becoming frantic as the sensation arose further until it was at the very back of his throat. 

_ No, please no _

He pinched the bridge of his nose, harder and harder until it  _ hurt _ . He swallowed thickly, grimacing at the traces of bitter acid in his throat. The nausea left, a massive relief to his stomach but the fluttering butterflies did not. He lifted his head, his eyes making eye contact with a couple of girls that he didn’t remember the names of. They glanced at him, bursting into giggles and whispering. 

_ It’s about you. You’re weird. They think you’re weird and school hasn’t even started _

Ravi was used to that sort of behavior. Everyone thought that way, even the teachers. Even his family. 

He was curious as to why his brother hadn’t said a word, even after he was hunched over, ready to vomit on the sidewalk.  _ What is he-oh. Of course.  _ Luke had already gone inside. Without him. 

He sighed, shoulders slumping. Of course he wouldn’t walk in with him. Not with the nerdy outcast of the school. Luke was popular and popular people didn’t associate with the losers. Not even if that loser was his own brother. 

_ Should I have expected different?  _ His smile was bitter. 

The school had virtually stayed the same, save for the ‘Welcome Back’ banner that hung over the staircase, facing the front doors. Students crowded the hallways, conversations erupting in loud voices over how their summers had been and who had what classes. Unlike everyone else Ravi didn’t have anyone to meet up with.  _ Shocker there.  _ A quick stop at his locker to drop off his heavy afternoon textbooks was needed and then he could make a head start toward his first hour, English. 

A map of the school would have surely been helpful; Ravi was keen on avoiding the jocks or anyone of high stature. Most of the popular people lingered in the cafeteria until the warning bell rang, but it wasn’t unusual to see a few stray ones in the hallway or an empty classroom doing God knows what. (He preferred not to think of the possibilities). 

Luke hung out with the jocks typically, despite not being involved in any kind of sport himself. His presence lured the others in while Ravi’s repulsed them. 

“Well, look who it is, boys.” 

Ravi’s breath hitched in fear.  _ He shouldn’t be here. Why is he here?  _

“Looks like little Robby decided to come after all,” Mitch cracked his knuckles threateningly. 

“Did Mrs. Mommy and Mr. Daddy make you?” one of Mitch’s friends teased. 

It had been once, one time Luke blurted out that at an earlier point in time that was the way he’d refer to their parents. Seemingly innocent enough until he was cornered in the hallway, conveniently when there was no sign of a teacher in sight, and taunted over it. 

Jessie said it would go away. 

Zuri and Emma giggled because it  _ was _ a bit funny. 

Luke said to get over it and stop being so dramatic. They were just having fun. 

Never mind that it bothered him; never mind that it shouldn’t have been exposed in the first place. 

Ravi tried to maneuver around them as the junior locker hallway was fairly close but being that they were a lot bigger than he was, it left little room to pass. 

“Hey!” It was the dream resurfacing. Mitch grabbed the front of his shirt, bringing him in, invading any person space that either of them had. “I was talkin to you, Ross.” 

“I heard you,” Ravi responded weakly. 

“Then answer me, stupid!” 

_ Are you really calling me stupid when you’re the one that had to repeat eighth grade?  _ He gave Ravi a rough shake, putting a strain on his delicate stomach and furthering a headache that had just begun to commence. When it was all said and done, Mitch let him go but not before he shoved Ravi with his huge, meaty hands. It sent him tumbling to the floor, sprawling out on his back. 

_ Owww.  _ Something in his backpack, a book or the protractor needed for geometry, was poking him right in the spine. The sound of Mitch and his friend sniggering was difficult to make out over the blood that was pounding in his ears. Were other students laughing as well? Had they witnessed his helplessness? 

Mitch bent down beside him, clamping his elbow down on Ravi’s scrawny forearm. He gasped at the sudden onset of intense pain, emitting squeaky breaths. “Does that hurt little Robby?” Mitch taunted as he dug in further, causing Ravi to cry out. “Awww poor Robby.” 

_ Where are the teachers?  _ Didn’t anyone hear him? They must have; a student at least. Why wasn’t anyone stepping in to help?  _ Because no one cares. Because you’re not popular. People only care about the popular people.  _

_ People only care about you when you’re gone.  _

“Look at him!” Mitch’s friend pointed to a squirming Ravi, overcome with a bout of laughter. 

“I’m barely doing anything,” Mitch chuckled. 

_ Barely? Considering my arm is turning blue I’d say otherwise.  _

“God, what a dork.” 

“Please,” Ravi was defeated. Begging was the  _ last _ thing he wanted to do to Mitch of all people. He’d hoped it would all subside after a minute or so, until he got bored. As intimidating as he was, Mitch had a short attention span.  _ Except when it comes to me.  _ “I shall do your homework or whatever it is you want me to do, just get off of me.” He whispered it, pushing back his tears of pain. 

Feigning a thoughtful expression, Mitch tapped his chin with his free hand. “Tempting,” he said with a nasty grin. “Very tempting.” 

“Make him do mine too, dude,” Mitch’s friend suggested. Mitch nodded stupidly. 

“Yeah, yeah. Do Ethan’s too! Got that, Ross?” 

Ravi didn’t have time to answer; the sound of high heels clicking filled the area and upon glancing up, he saw a rather stern looking older woman with her greying hair pulled back in a tight bun. 

“Just  _ what _ is going on here?” she demanded, crossing her arms across her chest. She squinted at Ravi and Mitch through her glasses. “Why are you on the floor, young man?” 

As he did with every teacher, Mitch switched to his innocent. Ravi was baffled as to how he suckered them all in, even the principal. “Ravi fell, ma’am. I was just helping him up.” 

_ Liar! _ Ravi screamed in his mind. He staggered to his feet, inching backwards towards the wall with an accusing finger pointed at the bully. “I didn’t fall, he shoved me!” This woman must be new, the new fill in for the library position that was needed to be fulfilled after their previous librarian retired. Maybe she would believe him. 

This new woman pursed her lips, flipping her gaze from Mitch to Ravi. “He shoved you?” she was clearly irritated at having to deal with the situation this early in the morning. 

“He’s lying ma’am,” Mitch’s friend, Ethan, added to the frustration.  _ Shut up!!  _ “Ravi always lies.” 

“He does, does he?” The new woman’s disapproving gaze was back on him. He could’ve cried. Trust Mitch and his friend to ruin the only possible person he might have been able to turn to. “What’s your name?” she addressed Ravi. 

“Ravi Ross,” he could feel a blush staining his cheeks. 

“What grade are you in?” she had taken out a notepad and was writing this information down. 

“Eleventh,” he replied, ashamed. 

“I’ll keep my eye on you. It’s the first day so I’ll be lenient, but you can bet your bottom dollar if I hear that you’re crying bully again you’ll be in the principal’s office faster than you can say detention,” with that, she walked away, muttering under her breath about delinquent brats. 

Tears brimmed in his eyes and this time he didn’t fight it. It was just the first day and he already had an authoritative enemy. Why couldn’t Mitch just leave him  _ alone _ ? 

His backpack was weighing down his shoulder so he slid it off, dropping it to the floor. Or, that’s what he intended to do; Mitch seized his backpack, zipping it open and allowed the contents to fall to the floor. Ethan came forward, kicking his pencil holder to the far side of the school. 

“Opps,” Mitch shrugged, grinning wickedly. “My bad, Robby.” He clapped Ravi on the back, enough to take his breath away. He and Ethan departed, laughing and pushing each other. Ravi remained, staring at the mess emotionlessly. 

** 

“Good morning, class.” Despite having to spend a few minutes cleaning up, reorganizing his backpack and  _ finally _ arriving at his locker to exchange textbooks; Ravi made it to his first hour class on time. Fortunately Mitch wasn't in that class. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as early as formally anticipated so he was stuck with a seat in the very far back row, against the wall. It might not be all that bad, without the limelight of the front row, there might not be any disturbances to his education. He didn’t think he could take another spitball. 

The teacher was a pretty young woman, unlike the new librarian. She must have just been out of college or whatever educational institution she attended. Her hair was honey brown and pulled into a high ponytail that showed off her petite face. She looked out of place in the dull classroom with her bright pink shorts, neon green shirt and bright red lipstick. She even wore a pair of converse the same shade as her lipstick. 

_ She must be new as well _

With a critical eye, she peered over the class, raising a brow at the lack of obedience.  _ She’ll get used to it, unfortunately. _ Barring Ravi and a girl that was a row over, everyone else was chatting absentmindedly or checking their cell phones.  _ Can we say addiction?  _

“If y'all don’t wanna lose those phones of yours you’d better put them away.” 

It was like magic; they were shoved simultaneously into backpacks or pockets and all attention was on her. 

“Thank you,” she said with a sweet smile. “I’m Miss Zenon-” 

“Like the movie?” one girl interjected, only to look sheepish when all eyes turned to her. “Sorry...” 

_ Do you not have any manners?  _

Miss Zenon laughed. “Yes, exactly. Just like the movie,” she reached into one of the drawers to her desk. “Here, have a kit kat,” she tossed it at the girl who caught it easily. "Any other questions?" 

"Are you single?" One of the boys to Ravi's right quipped. The rest of the boys, excluding Ravi, snickered. 

_ Immaturity at its finest _

Miss Zenon smirked. "Any other  _ appropriate  _ questions?" 

Katie Zimmerman raised her hand. "If I may, how old are you? You seem a little bit young for a teacher." 

_ I am quite interested to know myself _

Miss Zenon shrugged. She must have expected that particular question to arise. "Twenty two. I graduated high school pretty early." 

_ That’s so impressive  _

"Whoa, so you're like a genius," Ben Frailey marveled. "Why'd you become a teacher then?" He scoffed at the end. Ravi bit his tongue to avoid speaking. And avoid a punch later. He’d been there and done that already. 

"I'm not really a 'genius' per say," Miss Zenon used air quotes, amusement sparkling in her eyes, "I just process stuff easier. And I like working with kids, sorry,  _ young adults _ ,” she corrected herself with a smile. “They're interesting. My mom wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer or a scientist." She let out a snort. 

"How did she react when you became a teacher instead?" Katie asked with curiosity in her voice. "Was she mad?" 

"Not really mad but just disappointed because she thought I was wasting my intelligence," Miss Zenon explained. "You know how it is, parents just want the best for their kids." 

The class was silent, mulling over her answers. 

"But why English?" Ben burst out. "What's so great about that?"

Miss Zenon leaned back against her desk, legs crossed at the ankle with her elbows propped for support. She seemed pleased that he asked. “I’ve always loved it; loved writing essays and reading through the stories. It’s very relaxing to me and I hope this year some of you may realize you enjoy it too.” 

“Oh boy, another Ravi,” someone whispered, eliciting stifled laughter from the rest of the class. 

Ravi’s cheeks reddened when Miss Zenon’s gaze fell on him, granted, she didn’t exactly know it was him but it wasn’t hard to deduce.

_ What did I ever do to become the laughing stock of the school?  _

“See now that’s not gonna work,” she came to a standing position again, raising her eyebrows. “I don’t tolerate bullying, cyberbullying or whatever it is you kids are using nowadays. I don’t care if you don’t like someone for whatever reason; in this classroom it’s not gonna fly. Now if I hear another remark like that or worse, you’re going to the principal’s office. No warnings, no nothing. You guys are juniors, you’re old enough to know better. I shouldn’t have to say this.” 

_ You shouldn’t, yet you have to  _

There was a low murmuring that echoed around the classroom. Some of the more vocal students didn’t appreciate the reprimand or knowing that while in Miss Zenon’s class they weren’t going to get away with nearly as much as they could elsewhere. Ravi was almost...hopeful. 

“Look, I don’t want to be ‘that’ teacher,” Miss Zenon told them, “I don’t want to be super strict with y'all and do boring projects and essays all the time. I want this to be a time where you guys can grow creatively and relax. But if no one wants to cooperate I’ll gladly give you guys enough work for a few hours of homework every night. Is that what you want?” 

_ I think I might actually like her  _

The class gave a collective no. 

“Good,” her face softened and she clapped her hands. “Now that we got  _ that _ out of the way, let’s work on some introductions and a little info about yourself.” 

“But Miss Zenon,” It was Katie again, raising her hand, “what about the syllabus? We haven’t gone over it yet.” 

An ‘Oh crap’ grimace crossed Miss Zenon’s face. She’d evidently forgotten about it. “Oh, yeah. I suppose we should,” she picked up a copy of the paper, studying it. “Eh, you’ll hear about it in your other classes too, no need to go over it completely.” She set it back down. “I only have three rules, really: no bullying, no food unless I say it’s okay and be in your seat by the time the bell rings. Other than that, you guys are in charge of this-to an  _ extent _ ,” she added when a few people smirked. “Don’t think you’re getting out of homework.” 

Miraculously, Ravi could feel a tad excited about this class. Not only was Miss Zenon proving herself to be a competent teacher, but this didn’t resemble his previous English classes at all. Sometimes teachers would regard him with cation, expecting him to be another Luke. Other times they just flat out told him how much of an annoyance he was for wanting to answer every question (which was probably not allowed but he wasn’t about to go stirring up a ruckus). 

_ If you weren’t such a try hard they wouldn’t have anything to use against you  _

_ They are teachers; they shouldn’t use anything against a student  _

_ But they do it to you. How pathetic is that?  _

_ It’s...it’s not my fault _

_ Than who’s is it? Luke’s?  _

Ravi almost jumped out of his seat. Something scratchy touched his arm. It was just someone passing him a paper; he was the last one to receive one.  _ Typical _ . The girl (he was fairly terrible at remembering names, even thus far in his high school career) was staring at him weirdly. He could have sworn she made a crazy gesture as she returned to her friends. 

He glanced at the paper that had a dozen questions ready to be filled out. 

_ What is your name?  _

_ Where did you grow up at?  _

_ Do you have any siblings?  _

_ What is your favorite food?  _

_ What is your favorite book?  _

_ What is your favorite movie?  _

_ What is your favorite genre of music?  _

_ What are your hobbies? _

_ What’s your favorite school subject ? P.s. Lunch doesn’t count  _

_ What do you want to do after graduation?  _

_ If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?  _

The last one wasn’t really a question; it did provoke some anxiety from within. 

_ Draw yourself with enough room in the middle; write down how you think of yourself (A minimum of three) and how you think others perceive you (A minimum of three). Then share with a classmate and write how you think of that person.  _

_ No, no, no _

She couldn’t be serious. Was she  _ trying _ to to stir things up? They wouldn’t let an opprotunity to torture him to go to waste. Just his luck. Of course when he thought everything was going well and that bomb dropped on him. 

“You have,” she looked at the watch on her wrist, “let’s say ten minutes. Ten minutes to work on your answers and ten minutes for a classmate. Go!” 

Ravi slumped; his headache was much worse now. It wasn’t as if he had a choice in the matter, he didn’t want to get sent to the principal’s office for insubordination. He reached into his backpack and unzipped his pencil case. He could do this, it wouldn’t be that hard. Shouldn’t be. 

The first few questions were easy enough, though he did tense up at having to answer,  _ yes,  _ he did have siblings. He was unsure if a simple yes would be adequate or if she wanted a more detailed explanation that included their names and ages. He chose the latter. 

Now when it came to the others, that was when it grew more difficult. He didn’t have a particular food that was his favorite. He’d grown fond of curry and waffles were a preferred substance. He wrote those down. 

Music wasn’t something he listened to enough to accumulate favorites. What would he even write down for the movie portion? It had been months since he’d sat down and watched one. Zuri, Emma or Luke usually dominated the TV anyway, giving him less of a chance to watch anything. 

_ You haven’t really tried either  _

The book question stumped him for a moment. He had read many books and harbored a multitude of favorites. His parents had given him another bookshelf to accommodate them all. What should he choose? He wondered. He ended up writing down the most recent one. 

Did he have any hobbies? Video games used to be something he enjoyed doing with Luke before  _ stuff _ happened. As of recently, it didn’t provide any sort of pleasure as it once had. Big fat nope to that one. Not unless baking counted. Then again, he wasn’t very good. 

_ You aren’t good at a lot of things  _

He added reading. That was something he could do for hours and never grow bored with. 

He answered the one about his favorite school subject and tackled on the next two. He honestly hadn’t given much thought of life after graduation.  _ You should, you only have two years left. Do you intend on procrastinating your entire life?  _ He’d wanted to pursue something science related as a child but, now that he really thought about it, would he even qualified? 

“Annnd done!” Miss Zenon announced. Ravi’s jaw dropped. He hadn’t meant to daydream that long. He..he wasn’t even finished! “Now switch with a classmate.” 

Everyone around him partnered up, chatting lowly. Everyone except him. Did they not have enough students? Was he going to be alone?  _ Again.  _ He noticed that a girl, the one who had passed him the paper earlier, didn’t have a partner either. She glanced around, purposefully avoiding Ravi’s eye.  _ She doesn’t want you as her partner. No one does.  _ Her friends were together and giving her sympathetic looks. One whispered into her ear. 

“Is there a problem?” Miss Zenon asked her after realizing she was still seated. 

“Uh, no, Miss Zenon,” she mumbled, resigned. “Just getting my things.” Because there was no other option, she trudged over and sat in the desk next to Ravi, not even making an effort to act friendly. Without so much as saying hello, she switched the papers and immediately turned her eyes on him, irked. 

“You didn’t even finish it,” she whispered incredulously. “It was literally the easiest assignment ever. How did you not finish?” 

_ Because you’re stupid, that’s why. You can’t even answer a few questions _

“I just ran out of time,” it was half the truth. When he wasn’t critiquing himself, he was struggling to come up with an answer that didn’t border pathetic. Most of the questions were for happy, optimistic people that had dreams, goals. Who had bright futures ahead of them. 

_ Hannah _ , as indicated by her paper, rolled her eyes. She was angry. Angry at him. “Ugh, you didn’t even do the last one.” 

_ Look what you’ve done  _

_ And it’s just the first day  _

_ Why are you even here if you insist upon messing up every single time?  _

“I am very sorry,” he was sincere. Why did they have to have partners anyway? It would have saved him the trouble of wasting her time. 

“Whatever,” she huffed. “Just do mine, kay? Least I’ll get half credit.” 

He did, suppressing a yawn. The pencil felt unnaturally heavy. Was it just him? Did others feel that too?  _ You’re such a freak.  _ He didn’t know much about Hannah so he stuck to basics; kind, intelligent and- He glanced at her, stumped. What else was there to say? 

He settled on funny, rather inaccurate given that he couldn’t recall ever interacting with her before. 

“Thanks,” she sounded the opposite but he wouldn’t dwell. 

_ You do enough of that already  _

They were the first group done. Neither of them felt like conversing which was fine by Ravi. He kept his mouth shut and passed the time by tapping his foot on the floor. Hannah twisted in her chair, facing her friends and waited until she had thought Miss Zenon wasn’t paying attention to try and whisper. Probably about him. Probably about how he failed as a partner and she was going to suffer if they were taken for a grade. 

She didn’t account for Miss Zenon turning back around just as her lips were moving. She froze, laughing sheepishly. Their teacher was not impressed. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Hannah Newman,” Hannah mumbled. The whole class stopped to stare. 

“Hannah, why aren’t you working with your partner?” 

“We’re done.” 

“This early?” Miss Zenon wasn’t convinced. “And you answered  _ all _ the questions and did the last one?” 

“Well, no,” Hannah was forced to admit, “but it wasn’t my fault!  _ Ravi _ didn’t finish them all!” She jerked her thumb back at him. Miss Zenon’s gaze flickered to him and it wasn’t angry or upset like he’d expected.  _ Like it should have been.  _

“Can you tell me why, Ravi?” she asked him kindly. 

“I-I just ran out of time,” he said truthfully. 

“That’s okay,” she told him. “I expected there to be a few like that. If you want, you can-” out of the corner of her eye she saw someone’s hand raised. “You could have waited until I was done talking...” she soon forgot all about Ravi and focused on that other boy. 

_ Did you expect any different?  _

The end of class could not come fast enough. Just before the two minute mark, they were instructed to return back to their original seats and to rearrange any moved desks the way it had been. Hannah was glad she didn’t have to be near him anymore. Ravi wasn’t surprised by the whispers or glances in his direction when she and her friends were reunited. 

Miss Zenon sat on the edge of her desk, swinging her legs back and forth. “Well, guys, that was painless, right?” 

Some shrugged. 

“Tomorrow we’ll read some of those papers out loud and get started on our first unit. As you walk out, hand your paper to me unless you think you won’t lose it between now and then.” 

The bell rang just seconds after. Ravi was the last one to stand up. He’d just get shoved anyway. He handed Miss Zenon his still incomplete paper and was about to move on to his next class when she stopped him. 

“Ravi, wait!” 

He turned back around. 

“Are you sure you want to hand this in? I’m grading it right after we read a few and I don’t want to give you half credit on your first assignment,” she frowned. “Don’t you want to take this home and work on it? I won’t count it against you if you do.” 

_ It’s not like it matters. You’ll just fail anyway  _

_ But she might call my parents or Jessie _

_ Pifft. Like they’ll care. You’re just the little weirdo that they don’t know what to do with  _

“Erm, yes ma’am,” he reached for it back.  _ You’re such a goody goody. Yes ma’am, yes ma’am. What a nerd.  _

“Well don’t let me twist your arm,” she peered at him, taking a moment before speaking again. “Are you okay?” 

_ No  _

_ I’ve never been okay  _

“I’m just tired,” he lied.

Miss Zenon chewed on her lower lip. “I’m not surprised. It’ll probably take time to get used to this whole school thing again.” 

“Yes,” he nodded. “Miss Zenon, if I may, I need to-” he gestured toward the door. 

“Oh! Right!” There were a few students lingering by the door. “Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow, Ravi.” 

He didn’t bother to reply. His mind replayed the events that just occurred over and over again. Disappointment. He was only ever eliciting disappointment from everyone. 

_ Why don’t you just end it and get it over with?  _ **  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Ravi threw open the door to the bathroom stall; toppling to the floor after having thrown his backpack to the side. He hovered above the toilet, gripping it with tightly pressed hands.  He could feel his heart pulsing unsteadily and a sweat breaking out on his forehead.  _ They're going to hear me and I will never live this down.  _ Behind him, there was minimal noise from the few boys that had gotten there before him. He’d been hoping to arrive before  _ he _ did, perhaps more specifically, before  _ they _ did. 

_ You're so weak  _

_ You're so pathetic  _

_ You should just go home, you're going to fail anyway  _

_ Why are you even here? _

It was only halfway through the school day, not even in actuality but Ravi was done.  _ Done _ . 

In science, he had chosen a seat that was unknowingly being reserved for one of the cheerleaders. Someone much higher up on the social food chain then he. And, as any hormonal-crazed teenager would do, her boyfriend was eager to impress which meant his latest victim was Ravi. He was seized, thrown upward then shoved to the floor. He was threatened with more physical violence should he do it again. 

_ If you weren't such a dork, people might actually like you  _

History was no better. Just as he was about to sit down, after a difficult selection because, really, no seat was safe from torment when Mitch was there, his seat was pulled out from underneath him. It sent him crashing to the floor on his butt. This didn't faze him. He didn't react with tears or even blush from the embarrassment they were determined to cause. There was laughter, there was the quick flashing of pictures taken so they could gossip later to their friends about what happened to Ravi "the lizard boy" Ross. It wasn't worth caring about. Nothing was anymore. 

_ I shouldn't have come. I don't want to be here.  _

Finally it came time for the one class that he could have done without. PE. It was the last class before lunch and the one he was most uneasy about.  The upperclassmen were lumped together, some for this current hour and others for the following. It was to keep aside more time for the athletic students to train. The high school prided itself on their sports teams. 

Luke was in that class. In fact it was the only one they shared. Ravi had wanted to vomit the moment he found out about his brother's schedule. Why did he have to share  _ everything  _ with him? Their parents, the penthouse, school and now this!

_ Deep breaths _ , Ravi rocked back and forth.  _ Deep breaths. _ It was simply too much, the knowledge that even at school, in the very class he despised, Luke would be there. Mitch would be there. And there was no way to escape. 

All of the sudden, a barrage of loud voices and laughter erupted, bouncing off the walls. Startled, Ravi jerked-falling to his butt for the second time that day. 

“Dude, I can’t believe you stood up to her like that.” That was Mitch, sniggering. “How’d you not get a detention?” 

“It’s all about the freckles.” Ravi’s stomach churned.  _ Luke _ . 

More animalish laughter ensued. 

They sounded close. Ravi inwardly debated on whether he should stay in there. It would mean a negative remark,  _ on the first day _ that would surely result in Jessie finding out or Luke telling her (he paused, snorting. Who was he kidding? As if Luke would notice his absence). 

_ That’s it, ruin your future  _

_ I don’t have a future anymore  _

_ Not the way you’re going  _

Ravi stood up on shaky legs, pulling down the handle to flush. He wiped away the excess saliva that was hanging around the outsides of his mouth _. Ugh, gross.  _ Luckily, he hadn't actually thrown up or the other boys would have heard him gagging.

Although he’d have a sort of fair excuse as to why; the boys locker room reeked. That permanently soaked stench of sweaty socks and body odor would hit anyone that approached the door. It certainly didn’t help that a great deal of the male student population was unaware as to what a shower was. Or clean underwear for that matter. 

Just around the corner, huddled in a circle that was causing most, if not all, of the obnoxious noise was Luke and his buddies. They were yelling and slapping each other on the back. Ravi made it a point to stay as far away from him as possible. He didn't know if Luke remembered that fine detail of them being in the same hour; either way he didn't need to announce it. 

_ Do not make eye contact and everything will be alright  _

_ I hope  _

Ravi screamed shrilly as something,  _ someone _ rammed into him. He was pushed onto the stone cold floor with a throbbing pain in his head.  _ Does he not get enough pleasure from class alone?  _ But it wasn't Mitch. It was Luke whose body had hit him.  _ Of course! If it's not Mitch, it's Luke. what a surprise.  _

It must have been the result of him and his friends messing around. They did that; with absolutely no regard for anyone else that might be nearby. 

"Ravi," he just now noticed him, furrowing his eyebrows. "You're in this class?" The confusion lacing Luke's voice was like a slap to the face. The discussion had not been but a week ago. Had he truly forgotten that fast? 

"Yes, Luke," Ravi kept his tone neutral in case the big, scary guys that stood in close rang would attack.  _ Maybe I want them to. At least I would not have to suffer through this. _ "We talked about this with Jessie, remember?"

"No," Luke snorted and his goonies did too. Ravi watched as his brother returned to the conversation he’d been having, utterly aloof to his own brother. He didn’t expect a grand gesture or groveling at his feet...but a little  _ sincere _ apology would have been nice. 

_ As if that would ever happen _ , Ravi went on the other side of the room where no one else was. He  _ hated _ that they had to strip in front of other people, strangers that would have qualms about teasing him for his poorly structured body. The other boys were muscular and tall; he was tiny and skinny.  _ Oh why can we not change in the bathrooms?  _ By all rights, there was no rule that stated they couldn't, but Ravi had seen other boys tortured for being a "sissy" for doing the same thing. 

He took his gym uniform out of his backpack, slowly peeling off his normal clothes and putting them into the locker. His upper body was where he was the most self conscious at; noodle arms, flat yet abeless abdomen.  _ There are children in better shape than you _ . 

He was almost done when he heard footsteps creeping up.  _ Oh Gods no _ . He whirled around to see Luke standing there, dressed in his own uniform. 

“What?” he asked, a little too defensively one might say. 

His brother smirked. “Just wanted to say you might wanna watch yourself out there, little bro. PE can get a little.... _ crazy _ ." 

Every single muscle tensed. His breathing became shallow. Ravi had been in PE with Luke before, inflicted with plenty of injuries, some minor and some not. Those days were nightmare inducing.  _ And it seems as though they will be again _ . 

And well, he wasn’t about to show Luke that his words scared him-that was just begging to be beat up. And Ravi was smarter than that. 

“I understand,” he said coolly. “Thank you, brother for the warning but I can handle myself out there.” 

Luke held his hands up in surrender, amusedly. “Of course  _ brother _ ,” he said mockingly. He walked away, leaving with his friends. The door slammed shut behind them. 

_ What a great first day _

****

“Alright, listen up maggots!” Couch Miller hollered. He was a burly man; ex military, he’d heard, which was what made him so strict and scary. “I’m Couch Miller and if there’s anyone in this class that isn’t going to work hard this year, then you just up and leave.” 

Ravi didn’t think there was anyone that would have the audacity to do that, except maybe for Mitch or Luke. 

“Good,” Couch Miller observed the room with an approved nod when no one moved. “This is junior/senior PE as I’m sure you’re all well aware. If you’re not, you’re stupid.” Mitch raised his hand. “Yes-?” 

“Mitch Tyler, Sir,” Mitch said.  _ What a suck up.  _

“Yes, Tyler?” Couch Miller said somewhat impatiently, “what is it?” 

“Is this class coed?” Mitch asked to which majority of the boys laughed. 

Couch Miller didn’t find it particularly humorous. “No!” he barked. “Because some of you bags of hormones can’t control yourselves, the principal’s decided girls and boys PE is separate.” 

There was some grumbling about this. Ravi didn’t care either way. He neither bothered them and they didn’t talk to him. 

“Now don’t whine,” Couch Miller said sharply, “if that’s all you’re going to do then you can leave ‘cuz I don’t deal with whiners. You boys are young men and you’re going to act like it. Got it?” Ravi nodded but he was only the one. “I said GOT IT?” 

“Yes couch!” they answered in unison. Couch Miller was satisfied. 

“Good. I want to go over a few rules with you boys and you best listen up because I’m not repeating. Junior boys on one side of the locker room and seniors on the other. I’ll let today slide since I wasn't around to tell you otherwise but until the year ends you better be on the correct side.” 

That wasn’t so bad. Great, even. There was no way Luke was going to go out of his way to be near him. 

He’d be lying if that didn’t sting a little. 

“Rule number two,” Couch Miller continued, eyeing them with beady eyes that just dared them not to pay attention, “you arrive on time. If you’re late, that’s a tardy and after three you’re going to see the principal. Rule number three, you wear your uniform. We don’t make the rules just for you to say ‘oh I don’t feel like it today’. You know what I say to that? WHO CARES!” Ravi flinched. “Rule number four...” 

He sort of tuned out some of the discussion, though he did catch on to the words “violence” and “accident”. Mitch was probably rubbing his hands together, plotting on his latest attempt at humiliating him for...what? Existing, most likely. 

Couch Miller, after going through all of the rules, explained what the rest of the year would look like and that included going over a list of team related activities they  _ had _ to participate in (none of which Ravi was any good at. That was Luke’s forte). 

“Alright,” Coach Miller rubbed his hands together, “now that that’s all done, let’s vote: dodgeball or kickball?” Some of the boys groaned. “Heh, you didn’t think you were gonna sit on your behind until the bell rang, did ya?” Coach Miller smirked. “You boys are gonna work until your muscles cramp up and the sweat is pouring.” 

Ravi paled at the thought. 

“But it’s the first day,” someone complained. 

“Your point?” Coach Miller raised his eyebrows. 

The boy squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. “I just thought we wouldn’t, ya know, do anything until tomorrow.” 

“Let me tell you something, sonny; life ain’t fair and neither am I. Now again I say, dodgeball or kickball?” Coach Miller’s lips were in a thin line. 

_ Please be kickball, please be kickball.  _ At least if it was kickball there was less of a chance he’d get attacked by his brother or Mitch. At least in kickball he could take his turn and wait a while before the next. 

“Dodgeball!” the loudest of all those voices just  _ had _ to be Luke. 

“Everyone okay with that?” Coach Miller asked the rest of the class. 

_ NO!  _

No one really spoke up against it. “Excellent,” Coach Miller said to them. “Dodgeball it is. Now half of you boys go over here,” he pointed to the right side, “and the rest of you go over there.” 

Ravi waited to see where Luke was going then lumbered over to the left side. This was all going to be so predictable; maybe if he kept near to the gym wall he’d be okay. The balls were fairly worn and couldn’t reach that far, even with Luke’s super toss. 

_ Why does he wish to play in the first place? Any other time Luke would whine about doing anything that didn’t involve an electronic screen. _

What was so gratifying about being smacked with a ball anyway? The boys were far too competitive for such a physical sport; they pelted the balls and cried foul when told they couldn’t hit a person’s face. He’d ended up with quite a few bruises as a result of prior games, all of which were given to him by Luke. 

_ “It’s not my fault Ravi sucks _ ,” he’d said in defense when Jessie questioned him about it.  _ “Tell him to man up.” _

He wasn’t supposed to have heard that; Jessie had taken Luke on the terrace to preserve their privacy. But Zuri, unable to cope with her overwhelming curiosity, opened the door just a smidge, enough to hear them quite clearly. 

Ravi wished they hadn’t. 

_ “Luke!” Jessie snapped, “that’s not nice to say. Ravi’s your brother.”  _

_ Luke shrugged. “Just sayin, babe.”  _

_ Jessie had long given up on reprimanding Luke for referring to her as ‘babe’; she simply sighed. “You never know, he may get good someday.”  _

_ “Not without a miracle and steroids,” Luke snorted.  _

_ “I even threw him a pair of socks and he missed that,” Jessie reminisced, presumably making one of those rather unattractive faces, “that boy cannot catch.”  _

_ “Or throw,” Luke added.  _

He knew he wasn’t as talented nor did he have the correct coordination when it came to that stuff like Luke did. Must they rub it in his face? Even Jessie doesn’t spare his feelings.  _ Because they don’t dare care.  _ It was as if he was expected to be stone; nothing could hurt him. 

If only it were true. 

Maybe then he wouldn’t have this incredible desire to crumble at the drop of a hat. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so alone even in the crowd. Maybe then the walls wouldn;’t cave in, leaving him trapped with no way out. 

It would be just seconds later that he wished he would have been coherent to his surroundings. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been too late to see the incoming dodgeball. With nothing else to do, he held up his arms in front of his face as a feeble attempt at shielding himself. 

Spoiler alert: it didn’t do any good.

“KID! WATCH OUT!” 

_ SLAM!  _

Ravi shrieked as it made contact. He was knocked down; straight on his back. The world stopped briefly, put on pause as he was overcome with a combination of dizziness, nausea and pain. It was so extensive he was sure he was on the verge of fainting. 

“Kid!” Coach Miller is by his side at once, forehead wrinkled. A few others tried to join, surrounding him but are warned not to from a single glare.  _ Wow,  _ Ravi thought deliriously,  _ he’s good.  _ Luke wasn’t one of the people that tried to come near, not from his view point. Ravi guessed he wasn’t worth the trouble of worrying over. “You alright there son? Anything hurt?” he questioned, putting a rather large hand on Ravi’s forehead. 

_ Just my dignity, but I suppose I didn’t have much to begin with anyway  _

“Yes,” Ravi whimpered with tightly shut eyes. A trail of blazing hot pain had shot up from his wrist to his shoulder; it was the worst he’d ever felt in his life.  _ I am sure it’s broken _ , he thought grimly. His wrist had gone numb now, the pain was still there. “M-my wrist. It hurts.” 

“Let me see it,” Coach Miller was not a gentle man. The standard cation that came with tending to a sick or injured person was not something he was familiar with. Ravi realized this when his teacher examined his wrist, gripping it like he was trying to pop a grape. 

Ravi hissed, arching his back. He refused to cry out like he knew he was expected to. He’d be labeled a crybaby and a crybaby was worse than a nerd could ever be.  _ WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  _ He wanted to scream when Coach Miller poked at it. 

“I’d say ya sprained it,” his teacher suspected. Ravi was lifted up into a sitting position. More like jerked. But he digressed. “Well, go on now. Go see Nurse Gina and she’ll take care of you. You’re gonna be out for a while till it heals.” 

_ So she can say I’m faking this as well?  _

Ravi didn’t want to go to Nurse Gina’s office. He held a dislike for her that boardlined a grudge. He could still recall the incident in freshman year here she all but accused him of faking the injuries he sustained from Mitch. After that, he avoided her at all costs and learned to patch himself up after going head-to-head with any bullies. Granted, her atrocious bedside manner was seen by everybody. How she’d gone this long without being reported or fired was a mystery. 

“No!” he blurted out then recomposed his words after receiving a harsh glare from his teacher, “I mean, I am fine, Coach Miller. I appreciate the concern but-”

“No buts, kid. You’re goin down there or I’ll drag ya,” Coach Miller frowned. He addressed the crowd of boys sternly, “now who threw that?” 

“I did,” Luke said with a goofy grin. 

“Drop and give me fifteen.” 

“Huh?” Luke was confused and a little caught off guard. 

“I said drop and give me fifteen. Are you deaf?” Coach Miller wasn’t playing around. Luke must have realized that. After a swift glance at everyone else, he dropped and began. “No, no, no. Not like that. What are you, a girl? Do ‘em better!” 

“Why do I have to do this?” Luke was breathless, wincing at the probable pain in his arms. “Ravi was the one not paying attention.” 

“Yeah,” Mitch nodded, adding his two cents, “he should do double.” 

Coach Miller ignored Mitch’s input. “If you knew he wasn’t paying attention, why did you throw it then, hmm?” 

Watching Luke and knowing this must be the tiniest bit embarrassing did bring Ravi a moment of satisfaction.  _ If only you understood how I felt. You would know I feel this everyday. _

** 

Nurse Gina gave him an earful for being her first patient of the school year ( _ after _ she accused him yet again of faking to get out of class. PE was definitely not a favorite but even he wouldn’t go to great lengths to end up stuck in proximity with her). 

Coach Miller’s earlier prediction that he’d sprained his wrist had been wrong. Nurse Gina declared that he’d only bruised it, which was worse than a break pain-wise. He was instructed to keep ice on it and limit activity use. On the bright side, that meant no PE and he would miss most of their first unit- capture the flag. 

Currently, it throbbed. A blue, purplish bruise was beginning to set in, covering the wrist area and some of his hand. Simple tasks were going to be difficult.  _ All thanks to Luke.  _

Why did he have to do that? To show off? To prove that he (Ravi) was as incompetent as they figured he was? Or did he really just hate him? Ravi was starting to wonder. They may have been family but he felt more and more like some outsider that wasn’t welcomed in their home. It was the vibe they gave off and he couldn’t shake it. 

His lunch hour was the second to last of the day. And God was it crowded. It was a big school, and for that they needed multiple lunch hours. The first two weren’t as packed as the other two. Who’s ever idea it was to keep more of the students in the last two lunch periods were morons. What’s worse was that most of the kids in Ravi’s hour were popular and left hardly any room for the socially inept. 

“Hello, may I sit her?” he approached a table on the far right, the brainy kids. He should have had no issue in talking to them but they could be as stuck up as the jocks. Intelligence wasn’t bragging points; it wasn’t to be used to look down on someone who perhaps wasn’t on the same level. 

It didn’t stop them from doing it. 

“No,” a girl closests to him said rather rudely. 

“But you have all that room,” he gestured to the four or five open seats. 

The girl glanced then turned back to him. “We’re saving them,” she said plainly. 

“For who?” 

“None of your business,” she was miffed by his blatant question. 

_ She is correct. It isn. Must you be so nosy? You’re only making matters worse.  _

“Go find someone else to bother!” she snapped. 

_ Bother _

_ I bother everyone  _

_ You really do. That’s why no one wants to be around you  _

_ I’m just a burden. No one would even notice if I’m gone  _

Ravi did as he was told. In a corner of the cafeteria that no one occupied, he sat down just under a window and took out his lunch bag. Just as he was promised, it was chicken salad.  _ Thank God for that _ . Jessie had also packed him some chips, a brownie, soda and some fruit. It was much more nutritious than anything the school was selling. 

As he took a bite, another bout of pain occurred. It brought forth unpleasant memories. Ones he’d tried to suppress.  _ Don’t even try to have that pity party. It had been your fault and you KNOW it. _

Ravi dropped his sandwich, cradling his head. 

He’d been six or seven, just a mere child. 

_ “Papa, I’m sorry,” he sobbed, rocking back and forth in the darkness. “Let me out, let me out!”  _

_ “QUIET!” the roar from his father silenced him. “I have told you time and time again not to touch my beer. Now you will pay.” You can stay there for the rest of the night.”  _

_ Little Ravi was so very confused and afraid. He didn’t touch his Papa’s ‘funny juice’ that was on the high shelf and way too high for him to reach. All he knew was that he was hungry and had to go potty very badly.  _

_ His lower lip protruded, trembling as the tears fell down his tearstained, bright red face. “Please Papa,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” It was so dark in there; the only light was coming through the bottom of the door. Not enough to see.  _

_ Ravi didn’t like the dark, it was too scary. Monsters hid in the dark. His little eyes widened. What if there was one in there right now just waiting to eat him?  _

_ He sniffled, pulling his legs up to his chest. He wanted his papa; he wanted to be held in his strong arms and rescued from the evil closet. Why wasn’t he coming?  _

_ Ravi sucked on his thumb. His papa would come. He loved Ravi and Ravi loved him. _

_ He wouldn’t leave like mommy did.  _

_ He missed his mommy. She smelled nice, like pretty flowers. She drank that funny juice like papa did but she wasn’t as mean. He loved her lots and she loved him too.  _

_ “Papa?” he called. He didn’t answer. “Pa-”  _

_ The closet door opened; his papa’s face was red like a tomato. Ravi shrunk down. His papa was mad. “What?” his papa growled like a dog. “Didn’t I tell you to be quiet?” he grabbed him by the front of his shirt. “Huh? DIDN’T I?”  _

_ “Yes,” Ravi responded fearfully.  _

_ “THAN WHY ARE YOU TALKING?”  _

_ “I’m scared,” Ravi didn’t like it when his papa spit on him, “and I gots to go potty.”  _

_ “You do, don’t ya?”  _

_ He wasn’t yelling anymore, Ravi relaxed a little and nodded. “Yes.”  _

_ “TOO BAD!” his papa laughed and let him drop to the floor. “You should have thought about that before you touched my beer.”  _

_ “But I didn’t,” Ravi whimpered. “Papa, please-”  _

_ “Shut up!” his papa smacked him over the side of the head. “Now be quiet. I don’t want to hear you another word.” He started to close the door and Ravi panicked. He didn’t want to stay anymore, he’d be good! He’d be a good boy forever and ever.  _

_ “NO!” he screamed helplessly, “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!”  _

_ “ENOUGH!” His papa was bent down, twisting his wrist and cupping his face tightly. “I told you to be quiet and you disobeyed me again. You can just stay in here for two days now and if I hear  _ **_one_ ** _ more peep out of you, you’ll wish you’d never been born. Got it?”  _

_ Ravi did his best to nod.  _

_ “Good,” he was shoved away and the door slammed shut. It left Ravi with only the darkness for comfort.  _

Ravi let out a gasp and pushed his food away. 

He suddenly wasn’t so hungry anymore. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things: I know it seems like his thoughts are really repetitive but it's suppose to be like that. My OC is coming in next chapter hopefully and if she seems mary sue ish, she's not. Ravi's gonna put her on a pedestal and you'll see that eventually.

His hand dragged across his forehead, grinding into his skin with the roughest of touch. He felt itchy; like he needed,  _ wanted _ to rip his own skin off but he kept still with his nails digging into his palms. Ten more minutes. He looked and looked again. The time was teasing him; trickling by in a manner that could’ve been considered mocking by the way it refused to progressed. 

_ Could you be any more dramatic?  _

He raised his head a smidge, to feign interest in whatever his teacher had moved onto after her introduction lecture. The old him would have been astonished that he’d dared to zone out just after arriving to class and doing the habitual  _ here _ in response to his name being called for attendance. His wrist was still burning, forcing a great deal of his attention to withdraw from reality and to attempt at soothing the appendage. Every so often, he’d have an explicitly vicious thought that drifted back to Luke. He was quite upset over the whole ordeal, even more so when he’d given up on the tiniest bit of hope that his brother would rush after him, exclaiming his worry and asking repeatedly if he was okay. 

That was a fantasy. A dream that was constantly dashed. 

Luke didn’t come after him, he most likely was unhappy at the push ups Coach Miller made him do. What would he care if Ravi damaged his wrist? 

_ Or worse  _

He was always facing disappointment. 

_ Who’s fault is that?  _

Ravi licked his dry, cracked lips. He was parched and in need of something cold; freezing with pieces of ice attached to it was preferred. 

He hadn’t finished his lunch. Not after...not after  _ that _ . He waited until the lunch monitors were distracted with the group of freshmen who poured their chocolate milk on their nachos and dumped his mostly uneaten food in the trash can with the exception of his soda.With his throat feeling bone dry he sipped it until it was empty; at the same time pretending to find interest in his chemistry textbook so he didn’t look like a complete loner.

_ But you are _

_ Poor little Ravi is sitting all alone  _

_ Again _

_ How pathetic is that? You don’t have anyone  _

_ Nerd  _

_ FREAK!  _

_ Seven minutes.  _ He was tense; wound up tighter than should have been humanly possible. Just stepping into the classroom was a feat in itself. It was as if there were invisible knives and swords pointed toward him from all directions, ready to be thrown if he made one mistake, one wrong movement. The walls could have caved in at any moment. He needed to get out of there. 

Per usual, those around him ignored his presence entirely. But now was not to fixate on that tiny detail. He felt trapped; like a caged animal being poked and prodded. If something, anything, even relatively minor was to occur, Ravi couldn’t be certain he could contain himself. A spark was all that was essential for him to blow. 

_ Or overheat, which might actually happen _

The building was almost chilly from the freezing cold air the air conditioner produced. It suited Ravi just fine, especially after his lapse in judgement that morning in deciding to wear jeans. But, just as luck would have it, there was that one teacher who was cold and instead of just wearing a sweater or something she opened the freaking window. In turn, he was sweltering. 

“Robby, are you alright?” his teacher asked in what he supposed was concern. Every head turned to face him but he did not blush. 

“Ravi,” he corrected calmly. “And I am fine, thank you.” 

“Are you sure? Your face is very red,” his teacher insisted, frowning. “Do you need to see the nurse?” 

_ Oh yes, so everyone can gossip about me later? No thank you  _

“I’m fine,” he repeated with finality in his voice. 

She didn’t respond beyond that; it only furthered his opinion of the teachers that belonged to the school and their incompetence. She didn’t inquire any more to find out  _ why _ his face was red nor did she do the sensible thing and offer to shut the window. 

_ God, I hate this place  _

_ I’d hate this place too if I was a spoiled brat _

Five minutes _. I am not a spoiled brat _

_ Really? You think so?  _

_ I am not! Do you not agree that she should have done more?  _

_ I think she is adequate. You're just a brat that expects people to bow down to your wishes  _

Ravi could have screamed.  _ That is hardly true!  _

_ But it is. Stop acting like your feelings come first. Newsflash: they don’t _

_ Three minutes.  _ There was that itchy feeling again, intensified. God, it wouldn't have taken much to have sent him running out of that room. He would have done it without prompt. He just wanted out of there. 

For the last couple minutes remaining, there was a silent cue to pack up; their teacher didn’t protest. Ravi shoved the papers they’d received into a flimsy folder, burying it into the bottom of his backpack. The old him would have a heart attack at how he treated his school things nowadays. 

At last, relief settled within him. The dismissal bell gvfrang, signaling the end of the school day. Ravi was oblivious; eyes glassy as he stared ahead unfocused. It was only when he was sharply elbowed due to someone’s carelessness, that he took notice of what was happening. Students poured out from classrooms, shuffling into the hallway all at once. There was hardly any room to maneuver through so he stayed put, dawdling by the door with his back facing his teacher so he wouldn’t have to endure the awkward task of exchanging pleasantries and forced smiles. 

Luke should have made it outside, unless he managed to conveniently forget they were supposed to wait for Zuri so all three of them could walk home together and instead decided his jock buddies were far more worthy of his time. 

God, did he sound bitter. 

_ Can you blame me?  _

_ You blame Luke  _

_ I have reasons!  _

_ Do you? Or are you perpetuating the situation? You certainly haven’t done much other than complain  _

_ What am I to do? No one will listen to me!  _

_ Boo hoo. Poor little Ravi is invisible _

He made it to the outer area of the classroom, whisked away into the crowd heading to the right where they were led to the exit. He just needed to go home and take a nap. The day was exhausting,  _ he _ was exhausted. Between the early rise and the facade that had the potential of crumbling on multiple instances, Ravi wanted nothing more than to curl up with his pet and sleep his problems away. 

_ Because that solves everything  _

_ Do you have any other suggestions? You are of no help either  _

_ I’m more helpful than you will ever be!  _

The large cluster of people dispersed when they reached the outside, going off in different directions; some in a group and others alone. Ravi wandered off to the side, out of everyone’s way as he looked out for Zuri to appear. He’d somewhat expected her to have already been there waiting for him and Luke. If he recalled correctly, the middle school building let out a few minutes earlier than the high school did.  _ She is probably preoccupied _ . 

Neither of them, Luke or Zuri, should be too long; Jessie was expecting them back in a timely manner. She’d kill them, not literally of course, if they were late. 

Ravi kept his gaze away from his classmates; it was a sure-fire way not to make eye contact and that was the  _ last _ thing he needed after a day like today. 

_ Do something! You look stupid just standing there  _

_ I have nothing else to do. I didn’t bring a book with me to read  _

_ I don’t know, look at your phone  _

_ I don’t have anything to look at  _

_ You don’t have to, just pretend!  _

Amid it all, he spotted Zuri talking animatedly to another girl as they inspected each others nails. She was one he had not seen or heard of but assumed to be the latest ‘try out’ so to speak. His sister didn’t have a solid group of friends (who was he kidding, neither did he) so it wasn’t unusual to see her frequently chatting with someone new. 

He offered her a smile, minimal effort so as he didn’t come across as ‘angry’ or whatever other labels this one might try to say. Zuri’s last  _ friend _ had refused to come over after the first visit because Ravi’s presence  _ scared  _ her. 

_ I could have really scared her if I wanted to  _

“Hi,” the new girl said politely as she smoothed down one of her long braids with her free hand. “I’m Carla.” 

He was supposed to respond, to be friendly and not scary like that one girl said he was. He needed to be polite back. “Hi..?” it came out all wrong, he sounded confused.  _ Why must you embarrass yourself! Did you not do that enough already? What is wrong with you?!  _

The casual ambience withdrew, leaving only awkwardness in its place. Carla’s forehead wrinkled; she gave a sideways glance to Zuri in hopes she would be the one to speak. From beside her, Zuri shot him a glare as if to say  _ don’t scare her off too!  _

“So, Carla,” she tried to sound upbeat, “are you doing anything later?” 

“No,” the latina shook her head after a moment of silence, “Mami and Papi are taking Tito out and I’ll have the house to myself. We can facetime until they get back.” 

“ _ Or _ you can ask your parents if you can come over for dinner. I’m sure Jessie won’t mind.” 

“You call your mami by her first name?” Carla was slightly in awe. “Doesn’t she get mad?” 

Before Ravi could open his mouth to correct her ( _ It’s not even your conversation and you want to butt it _ ), Zuri jumped in to set things straight. “Jessie’s our nanny. Our mom and dad are always away on business.” 

“...Oh,” Carla was visibly embarrassed by her mistake. Ravi felt sorry for her. “I see.” 

Zuri was passed the minor misunderstanding by now and had moved on to something else. “Maybe she’ll let you stay the night!” her tone was enthusiastic and for a brief nano second, Ravi allowed a tiny smile to grace his lips. 

“I don’t know,” Carla’s frown faltered Zuri’s brightened mood, “My parents don’t like me hanging out with anyone they don’t know. They’re kinda strict.” 

“We can always have Jessie met them ahead of time,” Zuri reasoned, “what time are they leaving?” 

“Not until four.” 

“If we go right now we’ll have plenty of time!” Zuri sprung up and was ready to take off. The only thing holding her back was Ravi. “can we go now? Luke can catch up.” 

_ As much as I would like that...  _

“No,” he kept his voice low but firm. Jessie would be in a frenzy if they did that; she never did allow them to wander around New York alone. “We can wait. I am sure Luke will be out soon.” Zuri didn’t appreciate this but once Carla engaged her in another conversation, her annoyance was dropped. 

** 

Ravi was becoming restless. He wanted to strangle his brother for making them wait so long.  _ Fifteen minutes _ . It was out of character for him to be so impatient; but the day’s events wore on him. He had no more patience stored up in him. He crossed and uncrossed his arms, unimpressed with Luke’s inability to tell time. It was one thing to wait around for five minutes or so while he had something important to do, but Ravi knew Luke. He knew that whatever was keeping him was hardly important. 

So what on earth was keeping him?

_ I swear, he has no regard for anyone but himself  _

Around five minutes after they began to wait, Carla apologetically said she had to go home before her parents began to worry. Since neither of them knew when Luke would come out, there was nothing they could say to influence her to stay. They would have to do a rain check unless they managed to squeeze in a meeting between Jessie and Carla’s parents. 

Now Ravi was left to deal with a cranky Zuri and the impending implications of Jessie’s fury for being late. 

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Zuri suddenly spoke up uneasily. 

_ Oh no _

“Can you hold it?” he prayed she could. 

“No,” she reminded him of her younger days when they dealt with situations like this. Back when he was happiner... “Look, I’ll just go back in real quick. I’m sure it’s still open-” 

“No!” he grabbed her wrist, “Jessie said we must stay together.” 

“ _ Jessie _ isn’t here,” his sister yanked her arm back. “I said I’ll be right back.” 

“And I will tell Jessie you refused to listen to the rules,” he swallowed as her eyes hardened, semi caught off guard by his persistence of the subject. 

“Fine!’ she snapped. “But Luke better hurry up.” She popped her headphones in, typing away in the search bar. 

Jessie was going to yell at them. Or worry. Or worry and send a search party after them and then yell. She could be a little, how should he put it, smothering sometimes. But she only did it because she loved them. 

_ Too bad she can’t love you enough to care  _

Every few seconds, he’d look back at the doors. And every time he would be disappointed.

“Can you text him?” she whined just a minute later. “Ask him when he’s coming?” 

“I do not have his number,” he was forced to admit. Luke would laugh himself silly before he gave  _ him _ his number. “He will come soon, I’m sure of it.” There he was, trying to be Mr. Optimistic. Too bad it never worked. Too bad he never felt optimistic. 

And really, he wasn’t sure but he knew better than to tell her that. 

She grumbled, going back to another video.  _ Must you be so addicted? You’re lacking social interaction.  _

_ You’re one to talk, you only have a lizard for a friend _

_ I-I could have more if I wanted to  _

_ Could you, though? No one wants you. They all like Luke better _

The doors swung open and out came Luke, jogging until he was at the top of the banister; he slid down to the bottom, landing perfectly on his feet. “What’s up?” he greeted casually. 

‘What’s up?” Ravi repeated rhetorically as he drew closer to his brother. “ _ What’s up?  _ I will tell you what is it up. Zuri and I have been waiting for you for fifteen minutes while you goof off!” 

“And I have to pee,” Zuri added. 

“Dude, calm down. I wasn’t goofing off.” 

“Then what were you doing? What could have possibly needed your undivided attention for so long?” he was aware there was a slight whine to his voice but he couldn’t help it. He was peeved that yet again Luke’s selfishness had shown through. 

Luke shrugged his shoulders as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “The guys wanted to show me something, that’s all.” 

“Which was?” Ravi asked, glaring.

Another shrug. There was a growing grin on his lips that was just so  _ mocking _ . So amused. For no reason. What did he have to be so happy about? Ravi took deep breaths to control his temper. “Heh. You wouldn’t understand, man.”

_ I assure you I am quite capable of understanding ‘man’ _

“Can we go now?” Zuri broke in before a fight started, “I’m going to pee myself if we don’t.” 

_ Why are you even trying? He won’t listen  _

_ He hates you. He wishes you weren’t around  _

“Still you should have declined,” Ravi grabbed his backpack off of the ground, distressed. “Jessie is going to be upset at us for being late.” 

“Relax, dude,” Luke was infuriatingly calm about the whole thing. “Jessie won’t care. She probably won’t even notice we’re late.” 

** 

“Where were you?” Jessie’s voice had reached an all time high; combined with worry ire that was sure to be deadly. On their way back Zuri’s urgency for the bathroom increased to the point where she insisted she couldn’t make it home without stopping. The only problem was there really wasn’t anywhere to stop at. She nearly wet herself but luckily there was a tiny grocery shop nearby and the owner was kind enough as to allow her to use the bathroom (despite it not being open to the public). She took an exceptionally long to relieve herself and in that meantime, Ravi had difficulty in easing the tension between him and Luke. His brother was oblivious, ridiculously entertained by two pears stuck together. 

Ravi struggled to maintain a halfway normal demeanor and not appear as if he was itching to sprint back to the penthouse and lock himself up in his room all to avoid his brother. 

_ Why do you have to be so strange? Maybe if you were normal people would like you  _

By the time Zuri was finished and after Ravi had to prompt her to thank the shop owner, they were hurrying back to the complex where Jessie was standing outside with a look that could’ve killed. She went off on them as soon as they reached the inside of the elevator. 

“I waited for nearly half an hour and you kids had me worried sick! What took you so long?” 

The three of them stood rigid as she went off on them for their irresponsibility. Emma had come downstairs to find out what all the racket was about, then subsequently went back to doing whatever she had been, uninterested in their latest slip-up. 

“It wasn’t our fault,” Luke was quick to spare his own self, Ravi noted with an eye roll. “ _ Zuri _ took forever in the bathroom.” 

Jessie sharply turned to her attention onto Zuri with an _I’m waiting_ _and you’d better have a good reason_ expression. 

“Well  _ Luke _ was the one that made us late in the first place!’ she threw a nasty look at her brother. “Ravi and I had to wait outside forever.” 

_ At least she knows you were with her  _

“Luke, is this true?” Jessie crossed her arms. 

His brother kicked an imaginary rock, face contorting with guilt. “Well, kinda....Yeah...” Jessie threw her hands in the air. “The guys wanted to show me something! I couldn’t say no.” 

“Oh really?” Jessie snapped. “Luke, you’re eighteen years old. I should be able to rely on you now. Do I need to have Ravi be in charge for you two? At least he does what he’s told.” 

_ Way to throw me under the bus, Jessie  _

_ Wah, wah, wah. You want her to notice you and you still whine. Get a grip  _

“No!” Luke seethed at the thought of Ravi being in charge over him. “And don’t compare me to  _ him _ !” 

Him. 

That was how he was being referred to. Not ‘Ravi’, not ‘my brother’, not ‘dude’ or ‘bro’. Him. 

“You know what, Luke, you need to be a little more respectful. You’re grounded for a week,” Jessie declared and held out her hand expectantly. “I want your phone and anything else you have that’s electronic. If you need to use the computer for school you’ll do it where i can see you.” 

“This is so unfair,” Luke hissed, slamming down his cell phone into her hand. “Why isn’t Ravi or Zuri in trouble? They could've texted you and said we were on our way.” 

“Yes, they could’ve,” Jessie agreed and made it a point to look at each of them, “but as the oldest of you three, I expect you, Luke, to do that and not create circumstances like this in the first place.” 

Luke turned away, rolling his eyes. 

“I understand your friends are important to you but you have responsibilities to this family that you have to uphold. Now what’s done is done; you’re grounded and that’s that.” His brother let out a groan. 

“Dude I was supposed to meet up with Mitch at the park.” 

“Guess you’ll have to miss it,” Jessie was unsympathetic. “Alright,” she calmed down, “now disperse. I have to learn how to fix a kitchen sink and hopefully not make another flood....” Zuri followed Jessie into the kitchen while Ravi and Luke remained where they stood. 

“This is all your fault,” Luke said harshly as he shoved past Ravi to access the stairs. Ravi almost lost his footing. “Mitch was right, you’re such a loser. I don’t know why mom and dad got you.” 

Ravi heard the distant slam of a door but that was all he heard. Thoughts swarmed around in his mind, centering around Luke and Mitch. His own brother thought he was a loser? His own brother agreed with his nemesis?  _ His own brother.  _

_ It was only a matter of time  _

He’d of been lying if he simply smiled and said it didn’t sting.  _ His own brother _ thought so low of him. Had he just ripped his soul apart, it would’ve been easier. Less painful. His insides twisted up, that familiar lump was back and making it difficult to breathe.  _ Do not cry. It’s your fault. You’re a loser.  _

“I don’t want to be,” he whispered in the emptiness of the room. 

** 

“So, kids, how was your first day?” Jessie was the  _ only _ one to try and make an effort to get them all speaking at dinner. With a swift look around the table, she motioned them to answer, to do  _ something _ . 

“Well, I had a great day,” Emma daintily ate her food to dodge a possible spill on her newly purchased, expensive blouse. “My professor said he’s never seen anyone like me.” She grinned proudly. 

Jessie’s face scrunched up into a grimace. “Yeah, Emma, I saw the email. I don’t think he was meaning that in a good way.” His sister pouted. “Anyone else?” she invited them to share. 

“Well I  _ was _ having a good day,” Luke used his fork to push around what was on his plate moodily, only ingesting two bites, if that. 

“Well, now you’ll be more responsible next time,” Jessie glanced at him. 

“Doubt it.” 

“How about you Zuri, Bertram?” It didn’t slip past Ravi that she hadn’t asked him yet. “How was your day?” 

“What it is everyday, depressing,” their butler sighed. 

“Just like your love life,” Zuri said cheekily. Bertram scowled. “Oh, Jessie, I have some papers for you to look at.” 

“Please tell me it isn't boarding school recommendations. I got enough of those last year.” 

“Relax, they’re just a copy of the syllabus and stuff,” Zuri said 

Jessie sighed in relief then fixed the youngest Ross child with her parental look. “You weren’t on your phone in class, were you?” 

“Only at lunch,” Zuri reassured her. “And that was after Carla and I made fun of the walking meatloaf.” 

“We had something like that back in Texas, only it was sloppy joes and it crawled,” Jessie shook her head as if to rid herself of the memories. “You did not want to get in the way of the kid who ate it. Trust me.” 

“Okaaaay,” Zuri seemed like she could have done without that bit of information. “Jessie, can Carla come over tomorrow after school? She was supposed to come today but _someone_ ,” her gaze flickered back to Luke, “took too long.” 

“Sure sweetie,” Jessie smiled. “Is Carla your new friend?” 

“Until Ravi scares her away,” Luke smirked. Ravi flinched, dropping his fork. 

There was a piece of him, a yearning in his heart for the siblings he’d come to. Where they at? It wasn’t often, rare would be the correct placehold, that they conversed at all. None of them ever made an effortful try except when pushed by Jessie or their parents. Then it lacked sincerity. 

_ You expect too much  _

Did he? Was a meaningful relationship with his siblings too much to ask for? Ravi didn’t think it was. Everyone else had it; sure they fought sometimes but that was bound to happen. Surely it wasn’t considered normal to feel abandoned by one’s own family when they were within range? 

“Luke!” Jessie snapped. 

“What? That’s what-what’s her name-Tara said.” 

“Tiffany,” Zuri reformed. 

“I don't care,” Jessie was acting as though it was surprising, as if it were a rare occurrence that Luke was behaving this way. “Ravi’s your brother, now apologize.” 

“No,” Luke stood to his full height, which was just a little over Jessie’s. “Why should I? He got me grounded.” 

“You got yourself grounded,” Jessie reminded him. “If it wasn't for Ravi, you guys would’ve been even more late.” 

“Oh my God,” Luke groaned, massaging his temples, “why do you even care? I’m eighteen, I shouldn’t have to ask permission anymore and I shouldn’t have to walk together anymore; I’m not ten.” 

Her lips formed a thin line and the vein on her neck was pulsing. She arose, too, with a fiery look to her eyes. “I don’t care how old you are, I’m your nanny and you will do as I say, when I say it. And I say you’re grounded for another week if you don’t apologize to Ravi.” 

Luke threw his napkin on the table. “Fine, ground me then. I don’t care.” He stormed out, presumably to retreat in his room. 

Ravi looked anywhere but into the eyes of his family, ashamed that Luke’s distaste of him was brought to light.  _ As if they don’t know. They’re all thinking that way. They hate you. They just don’t want you to know it yet.  _

_ Maybe they don’t...  _

_ Aw, that’s cute; you think you know them  _

_ I do...I think  _

“May I be excused?” He didn’t stand by to hear Jessie’s answer, but rushed off to the sanctuary of his bedroom. Away from prying eyes. Away from the laughter and insults. Away from everyone. 

In a nest of blankets and pillows, Mrs. Kipling was curled up in the center, sound asleep. The blinds had been reopened-by Jessie of course.  _ Can she not leave things alone?  _ He fell back on the bed, hands underneath the back of his head, eyes beginning to close. Jeans were the least comfortable thing one could wear to sleep in but honestly, Ravi didn’t care at this point. He was worn out and just...dragged down. 

_ You still have homework to finish, you can sleep later  _

_ I...I don’t care. I can finish it after I rest  _

_ You’re going to regret this _

_ I don’t care  _

That was it; he just quit caring. 

** 

“Ravi.” He mumbled something, half heartedly swatting away the hands that were shaking him gently. “Ravi, sweetie, wake up.” 

“Huh?” he was blurry eyed and confused, vaguely aware he’d fallen asleep. “W-what time is it?” Jessie was aside, hovering just above him. 

“Just after eight-thirty. I didn’t realize you fell asleep.” 

_ You don’t notice anything in regards to me  _

“Rough first day?” she asked fondly. 

“You could say that,” he sat up too fast, falling back down with most of his weight landing on his injured wrist. The reaction was immediate; pain, hot searing pain. He didn’t know how, but he kept in the scream that wanted to come forth. 

“Ravi!” Jessie was shocked. “Did you hurt yourself again?” Without asking for permission, she inspected his injury after rolling up his flannel sleeve. By now, the blush, purplish bruise was able to be seen, not just felt. “When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” 

Should he tell her? Should he confess that it was all Luke’s doing? It might extend Luke’s punishment further (which would go over like a ton of bricks) or perhaps it would lead to nothing. Jessie would tell him in a roundabout way that Luke didn’t mean to throw it at him, he just caught it wrong. 

“It’s not important,” was what he decided on. “It’s just a bruise. Nurse Gina says it’ll heal soon. I am excused from PE from the time being.” 

“Not important?” Jessie cupped his cheek, furrowing her eyebrows. “Ravi, you could’ve broken something. How did this happen?” 

“Jessie-” 

“Ravi.” 

She didn’t become firm with him all too often, not with his reputation of being the good child. When she did, however, he knew better than to ignore it. 

“PE,” he admitted in a lowered voice. 

“How?” 

She was going to make him say whether he wanted to or not. “Luke threw a ball at me during dodgeball and....” he trailed off. She could figure out the rest. 

“And you caught it wrong?” she frowned. “Oh, Ravi, it’s okay. You just have to be careful.” 

_ I told you  _

_ I told you she wouldn’t care  _

He wanted to cry. Must she automatically jump to the conclusion that this was a result of his lack of coordination and sports skills?  _ Anything for Luke _ . “Yes, Jessie,” his voice was thick with suppressed emotions.

She smiled at him. “Now wait here and I’ll go get you some ice.” She walked to the door, briefly stopping to look back. “Did you have any homework?” 

“Yes,” he said truthfully. “But I finished it.” 

_ Tisk, tisk  _

_ Now you’re lying? You must really hate them  _

“Of course you did,” she chuckled. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Okay,” he muttered. He’d just do it in the morning. A tiny part of him was guilty for lying. What was he thinking? Lying over something as trivial as homework... 

_ This is the first day of another fantastic year  _

And he was about to find out what a whirlwind it would be.  **  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little shorter. Hopefully next chapter it'll be a little longer

The gruelling first week of school was finally coming to an end. People surrounding him informed one another about their plans for the upcoming weekend; ranging from Billy Fort’s party to an end of summer pool party at the nearest hotel that was most certainly illegal or at least something that would get them all in a heap of trouble. 

He, for one, didn’t have any plans. Not that any of it was a surprise. This, and every other weekend, would be spent just like his summer; sleeping. It didn’t even matter if he was assigned homework, it could be done last minute. Nothing in the beginning of the semester was ever relatively difficult. 

And he would remain undisturbed. Luke was probably being invited to all of the activities that the popular crowd was attending. If luck was in Ravi’s favor, his brother would be out until late Sunday night (and then be in for a lecture from Jessie for- 

Wait. 

Luke was still grounded. Until Jessie saw fit to unground him. He groaned. There went his peace and quiet. Since Monday after his explosion at the dinner table, his brother was awfully moody and stomped through the penthouse; even glaring at Ravi whenever they were in the same room together (Ravi did his best to plan ahead and prevent that). 

Presently, he was debating on whether or not to carry his afternoon textbooks with him. The day hadn’t even started yet, with at least twenty minutes to spare. It would certainly save on time commuting through the halls. However, the downside of that was being forced to lug a heavy backpack. As much as he desired to just go to class without any stops, he valued graduating high school uninjured. 

_ You're such a nerd  _

_ Normal people don’t injure themselves from a flipping backpack  _

_ Why can’t you be normal?  _

_ This is why people don’t like you  _

_ Among other reasons  _

Him? Liked? What an interesting concept. Too bad it would never be more than that; a concept. A neat little idea that would never come to surface. He knew he was throwing a pity party; a futile action because when did they ever help anybody? 

He shut his locker door, lingering before he had to make the unavoidable journey to English class. It wasn’t as if he hated it, per say; on the contrary, the calm atmosphere of Miss Zenon’s classroom was notably better than his other classes. There was no doubt that it was the aftermath of her warning lecture on Monday. Ravi didn’t think he’d ever be grateful to a teacher ever again. 

Still, even with the added luxury, it didn’t stop his anxiety from taking over as it did before every class. Logically, he knew they weren’t even glancing in his direction. They didn’t care. But it would take one whisper, a cough or a clear of the throat for his brain to assume; to assume it was about him. They didn’t like him. They were talking about him. They were laughing about him. They wanted him gone. 

_ Dear God, you’re a mess. How can anyone stand you?  _

_ They can’t  _

_ That’s why he has no one  _

_ If you wouldn’t be so paranoid people might not think you’re so strange  _

When those thoughts first popped up he refuted them; he wasn’t  _ strange _ just unique like Jessie said. He wasn’t a freak and he wasn’t the things other people said he was. Those were all lies, determined to make him miserable. They just wanted a reaction and he wasn’t going to give them one. 

And it worked. For a little while. The time spent in America had built up his self esteem slowly but surely. He actually felt loved and supported and  _ wanted _ . That was a big one; when in his childhood that was all he had ever heard, was that he wasn’t wanted or loved. And he hadn’t ever thought it would happen again. That was, until the storm cloud came over his head and never left. 

Ravi couldn’t pinpoint the exact time or day it occurred; it wasn’t just a ‘bam’ moment where he knew he felt different. It just happened over the course of time. Things got him like they hadn’t before; his temper shortened and his emotions went all over the place. And that was when the inner thoughts, the ranging voices got louder; disrupting his everyday life. He couldn’t go a day without feeling like he was the lowest of the low. There might be a moment, an hour or so where he was okay. Some might go as far as to say he was having a good day. But good days don’t last. He knew that first hand. 

** 

The classroom was empty; not even Miss Zenon was there to greet him with a smile and tell him good morning. Sometimes he waited until she was engaged with someone else to slip in without her noticing him. But that meant having to spend that extra time outside of the safe space. With other people. With other people that hated him. 

_ Wah wah  _

He sat in his desk with all his materials perfectly arranged so he didn’t have to dig for his stuff like a fool. Miss Zenon made it clear they needed their book (which was handed out the second day); a pencil, a notebook and ‘ _ imagination _ ’. Ravi had scoffed (in his mind) when the last requirement was mentioned. 

_ Ha! You? Imagination? Don’t make me laugh  _

“Good morning, Ravi,” Miss Zenon swept in briskly. Her long skirt flew about as she moved. “How are you doing today? How’s your wrist feeling today?” 

_ Terrible. Still hurts.  _ “Good,” he said as he did every morning. He made it a point to be as vague as possible so she wouldn’t question him. He was sure this was in relation to their exchange on Monday.

“Alright, if you’re sure,” she side eyed him. She cleaned off the rest of the white board before adding on, “I actually have something I want to ask you.” 

This set off alarm bells in his head. 

_ What have I done? I completed all of our homework assignments on time and have hardly bothered her for help  _

_ Your presence bothers her  _

_ You’ve made her mad  _

_ She’s going to tell Jessie what a disappointment you are  _

_ She’s going to be like everyone else  _

“Oh? What is it?” He fought to keep his voice from shaking. 

She faced him. “We have a new student starting today and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on her? She knows her way around; she and her parents were shown around yesterday. I was just hoping you could talk with her, maybe sit at lunch if you have the same hour?” She suggested. “I just don’t want her feeling overwhelmed and lonely. Can you do that for me?” 

He  _ could _ , not that he entirely wanted to. There was just one question that needed to be answered. “Why me?” Miss Zenon had plenty of other students to choose from. 

“I trust you,” she shrugged then snorted-a very un-teacher-like thing. “I know you’re nice and you won’t try to flirt with her the moment she gets here.” 

_ I assure you that would never happen  _

_ Like she’d go for someone like you anyway  _

“I see.” What else was he to say? “Of course, Miss Zenon. I’ll do it.” 

“Fantastic!” she clapped her hands together. “Thank you, Ravi. I really appreciate it.” 

“You’re welcome.” He couldn’t feel too excited about this. Either she would dislike him from the very start or be pulled in to the popular crowds and dislike him. It was a lose-lose-situation. 

_ What a Debby downer  _

_ Can’t you ever be positive?  _

_ I wouldn’t blame her for hating you  _

_ I’d hate to be around someone like you  _

_ Just tell her no! You can still back out  _

_ That would disappoint her  _

_ You’ve disappointed so many already. Who cares?  _

_ She’s counting on me  _

_ She’s counting on someone that’s not damaged. She wants a smiling face, not you _

“Oh, Ravi-”  _ Now what?  _ “Can you make sure no one goes in my drawer while I’m gone? I’ll only be a few minutes.” 

“Of course,” he said, pretending he was more than happy to do it. 

“Thanks,” she smiled. “I can’t prove it but I’m sure Billy and his friends helped themselves to my sweet stash.” 

_ That sounds like them and I’m sure you aren’t going to do a thing about it  _

_ How can she when she can’t prove it?  _

_ Idiot _

She closed the door behind her. Ravi relished in the tranquility. It wouldn’t last, although it did free him of the air of awkwardness he felt having to be alone with her. 

_ You’re so rude, God  _

_ She likes you and you’re gonna ruin it  _

_ It’s more than you can say for the other teachers  _

True. There was that. Ravi had to admit it. He didn’t really understand Miss Zenon and why she was so kind to him. In the two discussions they’d had in class (during class), she’d asked him to speak his opinion on the subject matter. It was almost like she...valued his opinion. That was never the case in his other classes. Previously, especially when he first started school in America, he was a bit over the top in wanting to answer  _ everything _ . No wonder Luke and everyone else called him a nerd. 

_ No, you’re worse than a nerd  _

_ Creeeak.  _ Ravi jerked in surprise, meeting the eyes of a girl he hadn’t seen before.  _ It must be the new girl _ , he realized. 

_ No duh, sherlock _

“Hi!” her smile showed her teeth and he focused in on her braces. Blue. What an odd color choice. Typically people went with a more neutral one that didn’t just  _ stick out _ . 

“Hello,” he gave in the effort which was more than he could say he usually did for things.If he was going to be around for the whole day, might as well try and be friendly. Something that didn’t come naturally to him anymore. 

She strode further in, head held high and eyes full of curiosity. She came into the row next to him and sat down, inching closer with most of her body weight on that side. He eyed it cautiously in case she tipped it over. “Is anyone sitting here? I hope they won’t mind.” 

“Err, no. No one is sitting there.” 

“Great!” She was very...bubbly.  _ And certainly not shy. _ “I’m Shelby. Shelby England.” There was a beaming smile on her lips. “I’m a bit nervous if you can’t tell. Apparently school started Monday but we didn’t get here until Tuesday. I’m from Iowa. We used to live near this farm and the cows were so cute. Have you seen cows before? I want one so bad but my parents said no.” 

She said it all in one big breath. Ravi wasn’t quite sure what to make of her. He’d never  _ met _ someone like her. On one of the shows Zuri watched, there had been one talkative character, not that he thought he would ever see someone like that in real life. 

“Oh, wow I’m rude. Sorry! What’s your name?” She asked him suddenly. 

“Uh, Ravi. Ravi Ross,” he mumbled. 

“What an odd name, but not like odd weird. But odd like cool, you know?” she twirled a piece of her blonde hair. It fell down past her shoulders in waves. “Sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous.” She let out a giggle. 

That was a forgivable offense. He could understand. When he was taken to America for the first time, it was utterly nerve racking. 

“So what’s Mrs-” she took her horribly wrinkled schedule out from her pocket, “Zenon like? Is she cool?” 

“Miss,” he corrected absentmindedly then cringed.  _ Might as well just stamp ‘nerd’ on your forehead. You ruined things already.  _ “And yes, she’s, uh, cool. She gives out candy sometimes.” 

“Oooh!” her eyes lit up. “I like candy.” 

He never would have guessed... 

“I’m really good at English, better than math. How about you?” She adjusted the black-rimmed spectacles that had slid down slightly. 

“I’m decent at both,” he replied and he wasn’t technically lying. He was decent. Math was a stronger suit and a preference but he didn’t do bad overall. 

“I wish I understood math,” she copied Ravi and took out everything she needed, excluding the textbook. “My brother gets it.” She giggled again, leaning in to whisper, after making sure the coast was clear, “sometimes I have him help me with my homework.” 

“I see,” he said, slightly confused. 

“Totally embarrassing, right? I hate it and he always rubs it in,” Shelby told him. 

“I suppose so,” he thought about how he’d feel if he needed to be taught about sports by Luke. He’d be mortified. 

“Can I see your schedule? Maybe we’ll have other classes together.” She seemed genuinely excited at the prospect. _ She’ll get over it  _

“If you wish,” he gave it to her and watched as she circled a few things. 

“We have English, history, lunch and math together,” she squealed. A little over the top reaction, in his opinion. 

“Great,” he faked a smile. 

“Are your friends in this class? I can’t wait to meet them!” 

Did she know? Was she aware of him being friendless and felt the need to antagonize him until he finally admitted it? 

_ Shelby _ was grating on his nerves and it wasn’t as if he could simply just get away from her. 

Perhaps she forgot she asked him a question or chose to brush it off. “I like you,” she continued talking, primarily to herself because he definitely wasn’t doing most of the speaking, “you’re cool. Wanna be friends?” 

A friend? Was she truly offering or would this be thrown in his face later, that he was stupid enough to think she was being serious? 

_ She doesn’t mean it _

_ She only wants you to think she is  _

_ She’s a liar  _

_ They always are  _

“Sure,” he said tonelessly. 

“Great!” she exclaimed. 

_ Yeah. Great _

Ravi semi listened to Shelby chatter about various topics. She was so tiring! And that fake enthusiasm- was she like this frequently? His refusal to contribute didn’t drag down the conversation either. Lately, the rare times someone might try to strike up something, he just didn’t feel like talking back and that usually caused the other person to just give up-not Shelby. 

“You must be our new student!” Miss Zenon was back. Just a couple minutes before the warning bell rang. “I’m Miss Zenon.” 

“I’m Shelby England, it’s nice to meet you,” Shelby said respectfully. 

“If you’ll step over here, I’ll give you your textbook. We just started our first unit on Tuesday so you aren’t too far behind. I see you’ve already met Ravi and I’m sure he’d be happy to lend you the notes for you to copy- you don’t mind, do you Ravi?” 

_ As if you have a choice  _

“No,” he said quietly. 

“Fantastic.” Miss Zenon went through a quick rundown of what was expected of Shelby in order to pass the class, the homework she’d missed and the optional extra credit assignment assigned on Wednesday that she still had time to complete if she so wished. 

Shelby’s head bobbed up and down, absorbing in all the information she was given. Well, he could say she didn’t whine or look unhappy at the additional amount of homework she was receiving.  _ Is she ever unhappy? _ When all was said and done, she returned to her seat and organized everything in her binder. 

It was about that time for the day to begin. Students trailed in sleepily, perking up a bit as they snuck glances at Shelby. She never noticed, she was too busy writing down what Miss Zenon was currently writing on the board. 

Ravi heard them whisper. 

_ “Who’s she?”  _

_ “Must be a new girl.”  _

_ “Why is she sitting with  _ **_him_ ** _?”  _

_ “I bet she feels sorry for him.”  _

“Welcome everybody,” Miss Zenon sat on the edge of her desk like she did everyday. “We have a new student as I’m sure you’ve noticed. This is Shelby.” 

Shelby stopped writing and waved. “Hi, it’s great to meet y’all!” 

“Oh boy, a country girl,” he heard someone mutter. “Wonder if she’s gonna teach us to milk cows and pick corn off the stalk.” 

“Thank you, Shelby,” Miss Zenon picked up her teacher edition of the textbook, “now that that’s out of the way. Can someone read start reading paragraph one on page 356? We’ll go down the rows.” 

** 

“Hey, Ravi! Wait up!” Shelby raced to be by his side in the hallway. Some people were in disbelief that a  _ girl _ wanted to be near him, as evident by their gawking. 

“Yes?” he raised his eyebrows. “Did you need something?” 

She shook her head. “No, I just wanted to walk with you. PE is this way-” she scrunched her face up, checking her schedule. “I think.” 

“It is,” he reassured her. The boys and girls PE were adjacent. 

“Oh. Good. Was I talking too much back there? If I was, yeah I do that a lot. Sorry. I don’t mean to but sometimes I just feel like talking, you know?” 

He couldn’t relate. 

“Wanna sit together at lunch? We have the same hour.” 

As if she would by than. By lunch he’d be yesterday’s news and she would have new people to socialize with. 

_ As if you and her were actually socializing  _

He shrugged. Shelby took it as a yes. “Awesome-sauce!” she was a little too loud, catching the awareness of those around them. Ravi blushed, ducking his head. Couldn’t she have a been shy? Or more self aware of how people were going to view her? “I can’t wait to tell my parents I made a friend! Elliot won’t believe me; he thinks I’m too weird to have friends.” She giggled as if it was a funny joke. “Jokes on him, he’s weirder.” 

_ I can already feel a headache coming on  _

_ It’s your own brain trying to escape  _

_ How intelligent  _

_ You started it  _

He and Shelby went their separate ways, him to science and her to PE. Ravi was just greatly appreciating the silence, without her buzzing around him. But it wasn’t much of a worry, of her returning, he held no high hopes for that. 


	7. Chapter 7

The whispers followed him, presumably having to do with Shelby. She was the topic of the day. He had to wonder how she was handling that, though, maybe she didn’t mind that total strangers were discussing her presence and her physical appearance and insisting that they’d bang her if they had the chance. 

But even amidst that, the real question had been asked, not yet answered. 

“Why was she with  _ him _ ?” 

Ravi, admittedly, had been wondering the same thing. Why had she so willingly sat with him, walked with him and made arrangements to sit with him at lunch? Was it a mixture of pity and having no other options? Did she truly see value in him and wish to expand upon a possible friendship? 

_ Like anyone would want that with you  _

_ You’re so naive _

_ She’ll ditch you the first chance she gets  _

And it appears that the first chance had come to which she’d taken.  He had a clear view of the cafeteria from where he was positioned at and, since his arrival, there was no sign of her. Had she simply had a change in schedule and was expected to eat at the next lunch hour? Or had the inevitable happened where she met someone else and was entranced by their genuine happiness? 

_ You sound bitter  _

_ And jealous  _

_ I am not  _

_ But that’s what you sound like  _

_ You wish she was here. With you  _

He didn’t wish for anything. Miss Zenon had entrusted him to take care of her on her first day, easing any fears she was experiencing and all around just making her feel comfortable. This wasn’t about any sort of longing for a friendship, but merely fulfilling a duty. 

_ You’re such a liar  _

Sullenly, he exhaled as he took a seat in the same space, the same chair and near the same people.  It was the same routine everyday; eat enough for sustainment and pretend not to be a loser. Ravi was better at the former than the latter.No one offered to sit with him or share space with him their tables, it left him no choice but to be all by his lonesome. 

_ Because you don’t deserve their space _

_ You don’t deserve to share the air with anyone else  _

_ What makes you think you should be at a table with them? _

He flinched. 

“Hey!” Shelby had...come. And was acknowledging him. In front of other people. Ravi almost forgot how to act properly. “Sorry I took so long. Coach Collins was helping me with my locker. It’s so hard. I didn’t have this much trouble with my last one but she said I got the worst locker. That one likes to stick, but that’s okay. We played volleyball today. Are you good at volleyball? I’m decent but I always manage to hit in the face.” 

Ravi made room for her , listening to her chatter as he lifted his backpack up and onto the floor below them. 

“So I met this girl, her name’s Sierra and she’s  _ so _ sweet. Do you know her? She’s got really pretty hair and-oh! There she is. Hey, over here!” She waved her arms around like an airplane, more action than necessary to let the girl,  _ Sierra _ , where she was. 

Ravi placed a chip in his mouth the exact moment Sierra came over.  _ Why must luck never be in my favor?  _ It was the girl that rejected his plea to sit at the same table as her. And apparently she remembered him as well; with the way she rolled her eyes. 

“Ravi, this is Sierra. Sierra, this is-” Sheby started to say. 

“I know who he is,” Sierra said tersely. Her abrupt reply didn’t put a dent in Shelby’s demeanor. Assumingly, she didn’t take the cue that Sierra didn’t like Ravi and carried on. 

“We could all sit together. Wouldn’t that be fun? Sierra and I were partners in PE and she’s so good at volleyball. Do you play a lot because-” 

There Sierra went and interrupted Shelby again. Ravi personally didn’t appreciate being interrupted, so he expected some kind of reaction from Shelby. None came. 

“Can we sit over there?” Sierra pointed to the table she typically sat at. 

“Oh, sure!” Shelby began to take her stuff. “C’mon, Ravi. Let’s go over there-” 

“No!” Sierra momentarily lost her temper, to which Shelby furrowed her eyebrows. “I mean, just us. I don’t like him.” 

“Why?” Shelby questioned her. 

“Well...You know. He’s weird,” Sierra stumbled over her words. 

“Weird how?” Some of Shelby’s happiness was gone from her voice and facial expression. Actually she sounded a little flat. Ravi didn’t know what to make of this. 

Sierra’s eyebrows flew up to her hairline. The fact that Shelby had the audacity to even ask was shocking enough, apparently. “You’re kidding right?” she snorted. 

Shelby stood up straighter, perhaps a little defensive. Instead of her cheerful, smiley face that he’d seen thus far, her lips were downward in a frown. “I don’t think I wanna sit with you anymore.” 

That hadn’t been the response Sierra was expecting. She gaped, then with what little dignity she had left after being stood up over the loser of the school, stomped over to her table and left them altogether. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Ravi was upset that he’d caused her to lose a friendship before it had the appropriate time to develop. “I’ve sat by myself before. You should go apologize. I’m sure she’ll accept it.” 

“ _ No _ .” Ravi was taken aback by how strongly she responded. It was evident by the emotion he saw in her eyes.  _ They’re so green _ , he observed. “You’re my friend, too. And I’m not leaving you all alone for some mean girl.” 

“Oh.”  _ How eloquent.  _ Ravi was rendered speechless. He wasn’t accustomed to this kind of friendliness before, nor the loyalty. “Well, uh, thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Shelby was having difficulty opening her thermos, as it was screwed on rather tightly. “Stupid thing! Can you try, please?” She held it out for him to take. Ravi was what you’d call the exact opposite of strong.  _ She just defended you, the least you could do is open it for her.  _

“Of course,” he found that it wasn’t as hard as he assumed it would be. With a simple twist, there it came. 

“Thank you!” The smell of chilli hit his nostrils. “Do you like chilli? You can have some. I used to trade my lunch with my friends back home all the time. Do you wanna trade? It’s okay if you don’t. Emily didn’t like to trade because her mom baked her brownies but she let me have a bite once and they were  _ so _ good! I can see why she didn’t.” 

“No thank you,” he politely declined.

“So where are your friends? I can’t  _ wait _ to meet them. What do you guys like to do for fun? Me and my friends used to go exploring in the woods all the time. I saw a cute bunny once. Oh my gosh I wanted to pick it up but it kept running away from me.” 

Ravi stiffened at the mention of his ‘friends’. For one, he hadn’t disclosed the fact that those ‘friends’ didn’t exist. Shelby was going to find out that he’d indirectly lied to her and that would be it. 

_ Oh, oh _ , his inner voice taunted,  _ looks like poor Ravi will be all alone again  _

“Ravi!” Her fingers snapped right in front of his face. 

“What?” he asked stupidly. 

“I asked you what your family’s like? Do you have any siblings? Elliot’s nine. He looks just like our mom. I look like my dad, he’s the only one of his siblings to have blonde hair. Isn’t that neat?” Shelby blew on the spoon of chilli before sticking it in her mouth.

“Uh, yes,” Ravi would have been fine if she talked the whole time, not expecting any sort of reply. Besides, she asked far too many questions. What was the correct answer to the one about his family without revealing what a dysfunctional mess they were? 

“Ravi.” For the second time, he was brought out of his thoughts. “Are you okay? Are you still upset about Sierra? Do you want me to talk to her? Because I can. I can’t believe how rude she was to you. Did you guys used to be friends? Should I tell someone? Maybe Miss Zenon can talk to her-” 

“No,” he said quickly, panicking at the thought of involving a teacher. “It is fine. I’m just thinking.” 

“About what?” she proved, tilting her head to the side like a puppy. 

_ That’s nice of you  _

“Nothing,” he lied, “it’s nothing.” 

“How can you be thinking about nothing?” she asked, bemused. 

“It’s private,” he wished she would get a clue. Understand that he didn’t want to talk about it and move on to something else. 

“Oh, okay!” she went back to her food, dipping her crackers in her chilli. 

Ravi relaxed a little. Perhaps they could finally be finished with all this conversing and just eat in silence. 

“Hey Ravi.” 

Or not. 

“Yes?” he said warily. 

“Do you like chocolate chip cookies? I think everyone does. I have some, do you want any? I baked them myself. My mom can’t bake, she’s not very good at cooking. They’re really gooey.” 

Well, they were appetizing looking, he had to admit. “I don’t know,” he shrugged. 

She went ahead and dumped several on a napkin, pushing it towards him. “I made too many and mom doesn’t want me to eat them all. I can bring some for you to take to your family on Monday!” 

“You don’t have to-” 

“Oh, it’s no problem,” she said brightly. 

_ She says that now  _

_ Wait until she gets tired of you  _

_ It’ll happen  _

_ Just wait  _

Ravi let the subject drop. “Okay,” he whispered in defeat. 

** 

Another family dinner. Another forty-five minutes of wearing his usual facade that told the world he was a happy, healthy, studious teenage boy. 

“So, kids, how was school?” Jessie asked them like she did every night at dinner to stimulate conversation. 

“Fine,” there was a grumble of agreement that went around. Jessie was visibly dissatisfied by the lack of elaboration given. 

“Okay... Ravi, what about you? How’s your wrist?” 

She’d caught him mid-bite. He’d hoped to get through dinner without being called on. Swallowing, his mind scrambled to come up with something. “Um, it was good. My wrist feels fine.” 

“Is it still bruised?” Jessie inquired further. “If you want I can make and appointment with the doctor to get it checked-” 

“No thank you, Jessie,” he declined. “I am fine. It will heal eventually.” 

Jessie frowned. “Okay. If you’re sure..” 

He was. Seeing the doctor meant he would have to miss school and he didn’t want that kind of stress. Missing school would lead to falling behind. He couldn’t afford to do that. 

“So, Ravi.” Right in the pit of his stomach, there was a feeling of anxiety that settled within him. “Why were you talking to that Shelby girl today?” 

Ravi’s eyes flickered to those sitting around him. Jessie’s face was shining with happiness and a mixture of surprise. Bertram either didn’t hear what Luke had said or didn’t care (probably both). Zuri had dropped her spoon and Emma was gaping. 

“Are you sure it was Ravi?” Zuri questioned Luke. “Girls never talk to him.” 

_ Thank you for that unneeded observation  _

_ She’s not wrong  _

“Oh, I’m sure,” Luke crossed his arms. Ravi honestly couldn’t tell if he was angry at him or not. If he was indeed, the question was, why? As far as he knew, Shelby and Luke hadn’t interacted at all. If they had, there was no doubt in his mind she would have told him. “One of the guys said she was sitting with him at lunch.” 

“You had a girl sit with you?” Jessie had a hand on her heart. Did she think her comment would be regarded as being kind, acceptable? “What’s she like? What does she look like?” 

“Is she a real girl?” Zuri joked. 

“Yes, she is a real girl,” Ravi was offended that they thought so little of him, that the mere concept of a female wanting to be around him was ludicrous. “She’s new and Miss Zenon asked me to be a friend for today.” 

His siblings snickered, ending with a ‘cough’ when Jessie glared their way. 

“Well, Ravi, I think that’s very nice,” she told him. “Isn’t that right, kids?” This was her just  _ daring _ his siblings to disagree, which they inevitably would. 

“It’s weird,” Zuri said.

“Yeah,” Emma said absentmindedly. “The last time a girl talked to Ravi was Jax and we know how that worked out.” 

His face burned at the painful reminder. That particular situation had been a major breaking point. He’d thought, foolishly, that by dancing, laughing with Jax they would strike up a friendship or even a romantic relationship. Sure, they were complete opposites but he recalled the saying, ‘opposites attract’. Even underneath her rebel persona, he found her to be an incredibly beautiful, passionate person. If only she thought the same of him. Her accepting his offer to dance had been more out of convenience and after the brief excitement of him being given detention and turning into someone was not wore off, things went back to how they had originally been. Then came the moment he wished to have forgotten about. After chasing after her for a few days, greeting her much too cheerfully in the hallway and asking twice if she was interested in getting a smoothie with him, Jax let him down not so gently. She’d explained that while he was a ‘nice guy and all’, they didn’t have anything in common and it would be best if they kept to themselves so it wouldn’t be awkward. 

_ “Oh,” he hadn’t cared how choked up he sounded. “I see.” His world had shattered again. Someone else had rejected him. Someone else didn’t want him.  _

It hadn’t crossed her mind that due to the sensitive topic at hand, it would have been wiser to discuss it in private. No. She chose to do it just before chemistry had begun. Right in front of their classmates. 

It went about as he’d expected; the news that Jax had all bu dumped him as a potential friend  _ and _ romantic companion spread around the school like wildfire. He had been utterly mortified that his immediate response had been to tear up. It was noticed, too. Everywhere he went people would wipe away imaginary tears, emitting the most obnoxious noises (he supposed that was to resemble a sob). Even Luke had gone along with it when he was with his friends, insisting that Ravi was too uptight when he requested kindly (despite feeling anything but kind) for him to stop. 

“Heh, I remember her,” Luke smirked. “Didn’t she reject you?” 

“You asked her out?” Emma’s jaw had dropped. 

“No wonder she said no,” Zuri muttered. 

“I did not ask her out,” Ravi was growing agitated. “I wanted to be friends!” 

This did not help his case. 

At all. 

“And she still rejected you?” Zuri burst into a fit of giggling. 

“Zuri!” Jessie snapped. “Apologize to your brother.” 

“Oh come on, Jessie. It’s no secret Ravi can’t find friends.” 

_ Except for Shelby  _

_ Shelby is not my friend _

_ You don’t know that  _

_ I do  _

_ How?  _

_ I just know. Weren’t you just saying she’ll abandon me?  _

_ And? Your point?  _

“Yeah,” Luke said, “we’re just pointing out the obvious.” 

Ravi’s chair screeched as it was pulled back. He didn’t even bother to push it back in. He rushed off, unwilling to hear any more of their harsh opinions concerning him. 

He just wanted to prove them wrong, to show them all that he wasn’t completely worthless. 

He just wanted to be himself without feeling like it was all very wrong. 

Curling up in a fetal position, Ravi buried his face in the coolness of his pillow. Perhaps sleep would ease his mind for the moment. 

_ “What is WRONG with you?”  _

_ “Don’t you think?”  _

_ “I should’ve let her take you with her or bailed the moment she told me about you.”  _

_ “You will never amount to anything, you hear me!?”  _

_ “Should’ve made your mother abort you when we had the chance.”  _

_ “Get out of my sight you little twerp!”  _

Ravi gasped, jerking out of the momentary rest. He sighed heavily, falling back down. He hadn’t thought about  _ that _ in years. 

So why was it resurfacing? 


	8. Chapter 8

“What happened to your wrist?” Ravi lifted his head to meet Shelby’s face at eye level. Her face was scrunched up, undoubtedly unreadable he wasn’t sure how to procede. With his brain frazzled, he stood there dumbly. It wasn’t as if he  _ meant _ for her to see it; his flannel had become too warm and he had meant to take it off for a second. He hadn’t heard her approaching him, otherwise he would have endured it until it was safe. 

“Are you okay? Does it hurt? Should I get a teacher? How’d that happen? I don’t remember you saying anything about your wrist hurting, I’d remember if you did.” She babbled, throwing question after question at him. “Boy, I’ve never hurt my wrist before. Broken bones, though. I broke my leg in third grade and my arm a year later. Have you broken any bones before? Did you get a cast?....” Her voice grew distent as Ravi tried to make sense of his mind. 

“ _ Have you ever broken any bones before?” _

_ “Please let, please let go,” his papa mocked in a high pitch voice that was supposed to resemble Ravi’s. “Oh, I’m sorry; does that hurt?”  _

_ Ravi nodded his head, staring up at his father with wide, teary eyes.  _

_ “Hmm. How about this?” There was a loud crack and a blood-curdling scream that shook the entire house.  _

“I got one and all my friends signed it. Emily got in trouble for writing ‘bang bang’ on it. She really liked that one cowboy show at the time, oh what was it called?” She chewed on her lip, drifting off into deeper thought. 

Ravi’s heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth felt very dry. 

“I am fine,” he wasn’t even sure why he needed to reassure her. “It was just an accident.” 

“What kind of accident?” There went that short attention span. “Did you fall? Did someone hurt you? Did you trip going up the stairs? Because I do that a lot.” She nodded vigorously to emphasize her point. 

“Okay...” 

“So what happened?” her backpack slid off her shoulder, she let it drop not-so-softly to the floor. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to but I do wish you did. We’re bosome friends, aren’t we?” 

Ravi jerked suddenly, caught off guard by her strange idiom. “W-what?” His cheeks darkened at the word ‘bosome’. He hated how the childish response was a go-to in a case such as this. 

“It means you’re my best friend!” she giggled to which he sighed in relief. “I’ve been reading Anne of Green Gables and Anne says that about Diana Berry. Have you read it before? Well, I suppose you haven't if you didn’t know what bosome friends meant.” 

“Don’t say that,” he hissed. A couple people had snickered as they walked passed them, hearing Shelby quite clearly. Unfortunately. 

“What? Bosome friends?” She had said that word again.On her lips was a teasing smile. He wanted to die in a hole. Did she have to be so embarrassing? 

“Yes, that word,” he wanted the floor to swallow him hole. “Nobody uses that anymore.” 

Shelby didn’t seem to mind. “Oh, that’s okay! I think when you do things people don’t normally do, it means you’re unique, don’t you think so? How dreadfully boring the world would be if we all were the same. I’d hate it, wouldn’t you?” 

If they were all the same, perhaps he’d feel less of an outcast. 

“Yes,” he went ahead and gave her the answer she’d want. It was easier. He’d learned that. Not just with her, everyone. 

Shelby beamed. 

“You’re such a wonderful friend. I really like you. We should hangout sometime after school, don’t you think? Oh! What if we go to the park? Or get ice cream? Or do homework together? Or-” her expression became even more happier, only of which could occur with Shelby, “what if I meet your family? I’d absolutely die if I could!” 

“Or,” Ravi cut in, “perhaps not. I am busy.” 

“Busy with what? Homework? I have a lot too. Miss Zenon’s packet is huge but not that bad. I had one English teacher that gave us two hours of homework every day. She said it was for character building. Emily didn’t like her very much and I don’t think she liked Emily.” At this, she giggled. 

“Err yes, and chores. I have too much to do and Jessie says I’m not allowed to have any friends over until I am finished.” He felt a twinge of guilt for lying, though he pushed that thought away. It wasn’t like she could be counted as a friend, despite her insinuations that he was. 

“Who’s Jessie? Oh, is she your mom or guardian? Is she nice? Caleb’s mom didn’t like me very much because she said said I talked too much but I don’t think I do.” 

_ Ignorance is bliss  _

_ Look who’s talking  _

_ I am not ignorant  _

_ Sure you aren’t  _

“Jessie is our nanny,” he explained half heartedly. A wave of tiredness had washed over him, dragging him down a notch.  _ I shouldn't have stayed up so late _ , he reasoned.  _ Jessie told me to go to bed and I didn't.  _ His stubbornness was becoming a hazard as much as Luke's was. 

"Oh, you have a nanny?" Shelby was genuinely interested. She didn't make a wisecrack at his expense or tease him about being treated like a baby. "That's cool. Is she nice? Does she have kids too? Does she stay with you guys? I heard that some are live ins and others just come and go. Are your parents gone a lot? Is that too nosy? I'm sorry. I try not to be nosy but I can't help having so many questions. They just come to me and I have to say something or I'll burst. You know?" 

Ravi tightly smiled, his lips in a thin line. When the time came that it steered toward the subject of family, he always found a way to change it to something more light hearted. Currently, he was at a loss at what to do now. 

Shelby's shoes scuffed on the slick, hallway floor. They were side-by-side, just enough apart that meant they weren't touching each other. Ravi was keen on his personal space; though he doubted she would've been more than okay with breaking that space and invading it to hug or touch him for no reason. 

Shelby, he learned, was perfectly fine with speaking and not having her questions answered. She hopped onto the next available topic. Friends. Or, more accurately, the friends she believed that existed when in fact they didn't. "Do your friends go to a different school? I haven't seen them yet and I really want to! I bet they're super fun! Are they? Do you think they'll like me?" 

Hypothetically speaking, if those 'friends' she spoke of were in existence, Ravi wasn't so sure they would be taken with her, if he was being honest. She was too  _ outgoing  _ for his taste and had no sense of tact to her. As if he could ever (platonically) like her. He shook his head. 

_ You're terrible  _

_ Shelby's been nothing but nice to you, the only one to do so and you aren't the least bit grateful  _

_ I am  _

_ You have a funny way of showing it  _

_ She's just- she's so-  _

_ She's her. You're just being ridiculous  _

_ I am not!  _

_ Oh but you are. Perhaps if you truly began to know her then you wouldn't feel a need to badmouth her  _

_ There is absolutely no point  _

_ Why?  _

_ What do you mean why? You already know! She's going to leave. They all leave  _

"Ravi?" Shelby turned back to look at him. He'd stopped right in the middle of the hallway. In plain sight. Where everyone could see him and most had. "Are you okay?" 

Some guy shoved Ravi as he came by. There was a near collision with him and the floor. He caught himself just in time; that and Shelby rushed forward to grab his shoulder. 

"You should say sorry," Shelby called to the guy, "that wasn't very nice." 

"Hmm. No thanks!" The guy high fived his buddy, snickering. 

Ravi could have cared less about an apology. To what value did it hold anyway? That guy wasn't sorry, not in the slightest. 

"He's mean," Shelby said quietly, her bright demeanor diminishing for a moment. "What'd you ever do to him? It's like he hates you or something." He wondered what his facial expression was, because she added quickly, "oh no! I didn't mean that  _ you _ did anything. I'm so sorry! I just don't get why he did it, is all." 

His defenses had immediately gone up and he was preparing for the inevitable. However, her correction had confused him, had relaxed him. 

"Oh," he murmured. The itchy feeling in his skin was starting to go away. He felt it often, like he needed to rip the skin off for any comfort to happen. 

My God, he was a freak. Normal people didn't feel like this. Normal people didn't have this urgency, this need for relief. Why didn't he get shoved hard enough to be knocked out? That would have solved his woes of attending another school day. 

_ If I hit my head just right I'd have a cerebral hemorrhage _

_ If the blood pools just enough it can cause death  _

How can one thought be so terrifying yet so enticing at the same time? 

"Oh, we better go," the cheerfulness was back in her voice. "It's almost time for English. Are you excited for today? We're starting the poetry unit, did you know? I love poetry. Do you? It's so romantic. Do you know how simply wonderful it would be if a guy would write me a poem? I'd die of happiness." 

Ravi had had enough. He sped up in his walking, muttering under his breath, "I think I'll just walk on my own, thanks." 

"Wait, Ravi!" Shelby sounded confused. "I thought we were walking together." 

Ravi ignored her and kept on. She would realize soon enough that he wasn't friend material and that she had made a big mistake in choosing him in the first place.

** 

Ravi laid in the comforting silence of the darkness. There was a certain spot on the ceiling that caught his eye for no apparent reason. He stared at it, having done so for two hours now. 

He felt so  _ heavy _ . Like there was an anchor on his chest, weighing him down and nothing could pull it off. What was the use? He snorted softly. There wasn't any point. This feeling, this helplessness he'd been experiencing was almost able to be classified as debilitating. He knew he shouldn't feel that way but he couldn't very well help it. This was his life now. 

His thoughts began mulling over the day's events, namely the time spent with Shelby. What was her problem today? Or was  _ he _ the problem? For whatever reason she just kept striking nerves with him. Her obsession with questioning him about his family had grown tiresome and what was all that about trying to make that guy apologize to him? He wasnt some stupid child that needed to be taken care of! 

...or maybe he was.

Stupid, anyway.

Luke and everyone else at school thought he was stupid. Emma and Zuri probably thought so as well. 

_ You know who else thinks you're stupid?  _

His teeth clenched, fists wound up as tight as they would go. 

_ Stop  _

_ Why not? You scared?  _

_ Stop it  _

_ You're scared aren't you? Poor little Ravi. Even being millions if miles away can't make the memories leave, can it?  _

_ I SAID STOP IT!  _

A burst of raw anger shot threw him. He felt a strong desire to break something. He wanted to destroy it; watch as it shattered into smithereens. 

"ARRRG!" he tossed his pillow with exceeding force. 

It hit the bedroom wall with barely any noise produced. 

_ Fantastic. Now that we know you have the strength of a cupcake...  _

Ravi wrapped his arms around one of his big, fluffy pillows, pulling his knees up to his chest. He let out a long, ragged sigh. 

_ I just want to feel alright again. Is that too much to ask for?  _

He didn't think so. 

A tear rolled down his cheek and onto the pillow.  _ I mustn't be so emotional. If Luke finds out, he will never let me forget it.  _

This must be teenage hormones. Ravi knew deep down that this was way beyond hormones. Although, it was the safest bet; so he clung to it. It meant that eventually he would be okay. People didn't live with teenage hormones forever. They outgrew it. So long as he would put forth more focus on things that mattered (his school work came to mind), these feelings he'd been dealing with would subside. Perhaps if he sought out employment, that would be of assistance as well. Working meant less time in the presence of Luke. Besides, he was at an adequate age to acquire one. Most of his classmates had jobs. He wouldn't be able to freeload off his parents for the rest of his life. 

His stomach growled. 

He had skipped out on dinner earlier that night-well, last night. He was easily able to convince Jessie he was working on a huge project for his science class, reassuring her that he would grab something to eat before it was time for bed. 

He didn't. 

And as usual, she paid no mind. She was so sure he would do it. And why? Because he had a freakin reputation. He was the good kid that never did anything wrong. 

Ravi hated that. More then he could articulate with words. 

Quietly, mindful of Luke's door that wasn't completely shut, Ravi descended down the stairs where he snuck into the kitchen. Nothing sounded particularly appetizing. Logically, he knew he was starving but yet, he didn't quite feel the hunger. 

He long gave up on trying to understand himself. 

Ravi sat at the kitchen table in the dark, munching on a couple chocolate chip cookies Jessie had made. A half filled glass of milk was next to his cookies.  _ I used to love Jessie's cookies,  _ he noted that they tasted stale but he knew they weren't. 

_ You're going to get fat  _

_ It's two cookies. I believe I'm fine  _

_ So you say  _

Just once he would have liked to push away that inner voice that irritated him so. 

_ You can wish all you want. The facts are right in front of you  _

_ Leave me alone! _

The ticking from the clock on the wall was becoming loud, as if right next to his ear. 

Shouldn't he have felt lonely in that big kitchen all by himself? That was a normal response,  _ should  _ have been a normal respnse. 

He suddenly wasn't so hungry anymore. 

The old Ravi would have picked up his mess. This new Ravi didn't. He left it for Jessie and the others to see later on. 

He flopped on his bed, staring back at the ceiling again. Hooked up to the charger while laying on his nightstand, his phone lit up. The bright light lit up the greater half of his room. Ravi peered at it curiously. Who would be messaging  _ him _ ? 

Had Shelby gotten his number somehow? Impossible. He didn't text anyone else from school and there was no way in this universe would Luke or Zuri do something nice like that. 

He picked it up. His stomach churned upon reading it. 

_ From: unknown  _

_ She's going to get tired of you  _

In came another. 

_ Why would she want to be friends with a freak?  _

And another. 

_ You don't deserve to breathe the same air as her  _

The phone slid out of his grasp, landing to the floor with a thud. Ravi's chest was constricting. Why-how did they get his number? Whoever they were, they made sure to make it to where it hurt. 

_ Why is this happening to me _ ?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didnt update!! I had no inspiration but I'll try to get the next chapter out quicker

Ravi rubbed at his eyes tiredly until he saw spots in his vision. He tried to stifle a yawn-the third one in a row now. He’d woken up early, before anyone else so as he could have some peace and quiet as he worked on his homework. He needed a moment’s rest from any noise; he needed to think. His classes were throwing piles of work at him and he could hardly keep up with everything. Once he finished one paper, it was time to do another. And another, and another... 

It would have been less daunting if he could form a proper sentence and not have his thoughts horribly jumbled. Three hours later and he still had not yet written much besides his name at the top. Even without their interference, it didn’t clear his mind. It didn’t stop his thoughts from roaming rampant, stressing over due dates and how he was going to fail if he didn’t get his act together. 

But he wasn’t sure  _ how _ to get his act together. 

Not even all the planners, high lighters or labels in the world could help him. 

_ You’re never going to college at this rate _

Those dreams of attending an Ivy League school were dashed as soon as his grades started to slip. He should have felt angry, devastated. Ravi felt...nothing. No shame, no anger or anything. Not even when his parents sat him down, wondering what went wrong. They figured he was simply spending too much time doing other things when he should have been studying. He wasn’t; there wasn’t any energy left in him to do anything besides curl up in his bed. 

Now that was near lunch time, the penthouse livened up some. Luke was still sleeping, he knew that much. He’d heard him yelling at his TV some video game. Ravi wasn’t going to be joining the family for lunch; he wasn’t hungry and he could probably get away with saying he had a lot of work to do, which wasn’t technically a lie. 

He chewed on the middle of his pencil, a habit he'd grown to have. It was only sometimes, of course in the privacy of his room so no one could grimace and laugh at how disgusting he was. 

_ You are disgusting. And weird. And strange.  _

He reached over to the other side of the desk where he cell phone was, flipped over to the other side with the back facing up. Someone left a nasty message he’d seen after waking up to turn his alarm off. 

_ ‘You’re weird and don’t know when to shut up’  _

Whoever it was, they weren’t going to leave him alone anytime soon; even when he was in the middle of class. The sensible resolution would be to block the number but that would've led to more problems. Whoever was behind it would tell everyone what a wimp he was, how he couldn't handle it. Ravi just had to tolerate it. 

His phone let out a soft  _ ding _ and his stomach recoiled as if he was just punched. It was best not to look at all, not to engage. If he didn’t, they might get bored and leave him alone. That was what the school counselor and psychologist said in at an assembly specifically made for bullying. They made it sound easy, as if it would all go away quickly; he just had to resist the temptation of trying to communicate with that person. But Ravi had been doing just that. He never responded but couldn't shake off the feeling that he  _ needed _ to see what they wrote. He had to know what they were saying, what they were taunting him about. The sensible option would be to block that person entirely but he was too stupid to do such a thing. 

His phone  _ dinged  _ a couple more times. 

The sick feeling worsened.

With trembling hands, he picked up the phone, turning it on long enough to briefly read the multiple messages. 

_ You're a waste of space  _

_ You don't belong here  _

_ I don't even know why Shelby wants to be around you  _

Ravi exhaled shakily. His jaw was clenched, so as not to burst into tears-again. He was supposed to be stronger than this; not so weak that some criticism would make him fall apart. 

"Ravi?" The phone fell from his hands, falling to the desk with a loud clatter. His head snapped in Jessie's direction with a deer in the headlight look. 

"Jessie?" He echoed. 

"What are you doing?" Jessie was frowning. "I thought you were doing homework?" 

"....I am," Ravi shifted under her stern gaze. 

"By texting?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Ravi, you know better. No electronics until  _ after  _ your homework is done." 

Ravi lowered his eyes. "I know," he mumbled. "I am sorry." 

"Do I need to take it?" Jessie asked pointedly. 

"Please," he hadn't thought that she heard-she did, and was a little taken aback. 

"What?" She was surprised. "Uh, Ravi, is everything okay?" 

He gave her best convincing smile. "Of course. Jessie. Everything is fine." 

"You sure? Because it's been a few hours, you're not finished and you look like my Aunt Pearl after she's had a long day at the bar," Jessie examined his appearance, scrunching up her face. "Even Luke has his homework done." 

As always, he had an answer. "I am just having some difficulty this morning. I was just researching. I assure you that unlike Luke, I wasn't goofing off." 

It was a weak excuse. Him and his siblings had the best of the best computers that a grown man could be jealous of. It didn't make sense for him to search something on his phone, especially considering his laptop was within reach. 

Jessie looked like she was going to say something then didn't. It was a blessing and a curse; and he was just about to find out what the curse was. 

"And while you are here, I wanted to tell you that I will not be joining you for lunch," Ravi pretended to focus after he set his phone down. Grabbing his mechcanical pencil, he started to write meaningless words (just a ploy to get her to leave), only for Jessie to snatch his pencil away. 

“Oh, yes you are,” she said matter-of-factly. “That's what I came to tell you about. You kids are either in your rooms or you're with friends and pretty soon you guys will be out living your own lives and wishing you had the time to spend with each other."

Ravi didn't say anything, just waited to see where she was going with this.

“Change your clothes. We’re going on a picnic for lunch.” 

“Oh, but I would much rather prefer-” he shut his mouth at her warning look.  _ Never mind _

"Don't even try to get out of it, Emma and Zuri tried. I'm going to go tell Luke. Go get ready." 

"But Jessie," he finally found his voice. "I must finish this assignment so I can move on to my chemistry."

“You can move on to your chemestry _after_ we get back. You'll have plenty of time later. You need to bond with your family. You'll regret it if you don't." 

_ I regret going already  _

“Come on, it won’t be that bad,” she rolled her eyes. “And here I thought Luke would be the problem child.”

That last sentence was said under her breath. He was, presumably, supposed to not have heard it. He did. He did, ignoring the figurative gut punch and plastered on a smile. 

“Alright. I will be out in ten minutes.” 

“Five,” she corrected. 

He nodded.

“Five.” 

** 

It was against everyone’s wills. No one wanted to leave their penthouse and be forced outside. Emma was worried about her new romper she’d recently purchased getting a grass stain. Jessie tried to explain, keeping the impatience out of her voice (an impressive feat, considering how many times she had to re-explain it), that they would be sitting on a blanket.

Several threats later, they were coming out of the elevator and were greeted by Tony. Jessie, herself, had a wide smile and a hint of a blush. Ravi didn’t know if they still had a “thing” or if this was just her pining. 

“Hey kids, Jessie,” Tony’s voice became  _ just _ a bit more cheerful when he recognized Jessie. 

_ Could he be any more obvious?  _

“Hey, Tony,” Jessie replied, smoothing down her dress. 

“Where you and the Ross clan headed to?” 

“Oh, just a picnic,” Jessie held up the basket. She glanced at all of them with her nanny look. “It’s too bad nobody wants to go.” 

‘Why not?” Tony scratched his head. 

Jessie maneuvered closer to Tony, out of the middle of the group. “They’d much rather stay cooped up. I swear, I used to stay outside until my dad made me come in.” 

“Me too,” Tony nodded. “Hemp. Nowadays, you can barely get ‘em out.” 

“Right?” Jessie nodded vigorously. After a second, she added, “Maybe if I had a joystick in my hand, they’d follow.” 

Tony laughed, louder and longer than necessary. 

Emma shared a look with Zuri; a little weirded out but Ravi also knew they were inwardly cheering. They’d been crushed when Tony and Jessie broke up and secretly plotted on a way they could get them back together. 

Luke was openly glaring at Tony. He still had it bad for Jessie and was upset at Tony for trying to steal “his” woman. Even more so right now because Jessie seemed enamored. She had a goofy grin on her face that Ravi was sure was making Luke’s blood boil because  _ he _ wasn’t the one making it happen. 

Luke feigned a cough, an obnoxious one at that. It brought the love-sick couple out of their fantasy land  _ and _ caused his sisters to give him the glare of death for interrupting the moment. 

“Uh, I should go. Not that I don’t want to stay, of course! I would-but not like because I really you. I do but-” 

Emma leaned in to whisper to Zuri, “I haven’t seen anything this cringy since Michael Delphino tried asking me to prom.” 

“Is that the one that kept spitting?’ Zuri whispered back. 

Emma nodded. 

“It’s okay,” Tony said quickly. “I get it. You guys go on ahead.” 

They moved on, after Jessie looked behind her to sneak in one last glance at Tony. They crossed the street to Central Park where Jessie found them a nice spot underneath a large tree. It gave them plenty of shade. Besides that, the temperature was fair, giving none of them any leeway to complain or a reason to leave.

“Isn’t this nice, kids?” Jessie asked as she opened up the picnic basket. Ravi’s stomach growled as he took in the sight of the various foods. There was an assortment of meats and cheeses for sandwiches as well as lemonade, potato salad and some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. “Isn’t it nice to get away from the house and all your electronics and be one with nature?” 

“I was trying to film a vlog,” Emma said with mild annoyance. “I have over five thousand followers waiting, Jessie. I always post between noon and three on Saturdays.” 

‘Well now you can post after dinner.” 

“Ugh, this is so unfair,” Emma crossed her arms, pouting. 

“You think that’s unfair? I was sleeping. I have to go to school and wake up early for  _ five _ days and now instead of getting two days to sleep in, I’m only getting one!” Luke held up one finger for emphasis. 

“Well at least you can count,” Jessie shrugged. "Guys, stop whining. One afternoon away isn't going to kill you. Some kids wish they'd get to do this." 

"Yeah, poor kids," Zuri mumbled. 

Ravi put together his sandwich, plopping down a spoonful of potato salad onto his plate. He eyed the food warily; he didn't want to eat anything-maybe he could eat half and get away with it. Jessie was focusing on his siblings anyway with the scariest face she could muster. They were clearly testing her patience. 

He'd used to do it, too...

_ "Daddy," Ravi crawled on top of the bed, after struggling. There was a mess of papers scattered around. His daddy looked stressed.  _

_ "Didn't I tell you to knock?" His daddy snapped.  _

_ Ravi shrunk back. "Yes," he said quietly. He didn't mean to upset him, it was an accident, honest. He forgot, that's all. Determined to make it better, Ravi thought his daddy could use a hug. Ravi liked hugs. They always made him feel better. But in the midst of that his chubby little hand came down right in the middle of one of the papers.  _

_ "Get off!" His daddy shrieked. Ravi was grasped by his forearm and thrown off the bed (His howls of pain were ignored). "What did I tell you about coming in here? You never listen!" Spittle was flying everywhere. "I should've left when your mother did. Now I'm stuck with you, you little retarded piece of-"  _

His skin was itchy, like it was crawling with bugs. 

His chest tightened. 

That piercing stare his father had given him, though years before, was still vivid. 

He could almost hear the crunch of the paper. 

_ Stop it _ , he had to act normal. They were in public and normal people didn't do weird things where others could watch.  _ Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.  _

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. 

He did this as discreetly as possible. He didn't need Jessie to be concerned (or ask questions) or for anyone else to think he was more of a freak. 

_ I'm okay. He's gone. He won't hurt me. I'm okay.  _

"Are we done yet?" Ravi jerked, startled by Zuri. She and everyone else was finished or close to it while he still had majority of his sandwich and his potato salad. "I'm bored." 

"Yeah, me too," Luke chimed in. 

"No," Jessie said firmly. "Go play or something." 

"Aren't we a little too old to 'play'?" Zuri raised her eyebrows. 

"No," Jessie said. "I brought a football and frisbee or you can go on the playground." His three siblings were less than thrilled with her response until she added, " _ Or  _ we can go home and I can send you to your rooms,  _ after _ I take everything out but your beds and dressers." 

"On second thought, you're never too old," Zuri reluctantly got up and headed off toward the swing set. Jessie convinced Emma to throw the frisbee around (she also tried to ask Ravi if he wanted to join but he declined. She was only being nice. She knew he was terrible at catching things. With his hands.). Luke found a group of boys to play some football and soon everyone but Ravi was up and having fun. He was still seated on the picnic blanket, toying around with his food. It wasn't necessary for him to actually do something, he was perfectly fine with sitting and observing. 

_ Who are you trying to kid?  _

_ I bet if Shelby came you'd be happy  _

Gods. He hadn't thought of that. What if today was the day she decided to explore and by coincidence, found him at this very park? There had to be other parks, closer to her residency. Not this one. Definitely not this one. 

_ I don't want to see her. She is aggravating  _

_ You're just lying to yourself now _

_ I am not. I do not want anything to do with her  _

_ Yet you have no problem with her sitting at the same table as you  _

_ She will not leave even if I tell you  _

_ You just don't want to hurt her feelings  _

Of course he didn't want to, he wasn't heartless. Ravi wouldn't wish for anyone to feel a fraction of the hurt he felt. She may get on his nerves but there was no reason to tear her down like that. Ravi had  _ some  _ respect, unlike certain other people. 

_ People like Luke  _   
  



	10. Chapter 10

“Today I want to get started on our first project,” Miss Zenon told the class, holding onto a clip board. “I’m going to divide the class into groups of two and then you and your partner will pick one of Shakespeare's works to discuss in front of the class. I expect a two page essay along with it and a glossary of terms and characters. After I announce the groups, one person from each group needs to come up and take a rubric.” 

Shelby subtly kicked his foot. Ravi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, gingerly. “Ravi, hey,” she whispered, keeping her eyes on Miss Zenon. “Maybe we’ll be partners! Won’t that be fun?” 

Not exactly, per say. He was becoming used to her presence (as if it was possible to  _ not _ when she was so obnoxiously happy and excited all the time) but that didn’t mean he could tolerate extra amounts of her. 

Miss Zenon began reading off names. “Ben and Katie.” 

Ravi watched as they grinned at each other, albeit Katie’s was more shy. 

“Kerry and Jerry.” 

Shelby was going to be disappointed, or as close as she could be. Between all of the other unpaired students and the reputation teachers had for pairing up students that either didn’t know each other or hated the other person, Ravi was sure they wouldn’t be together. It would have had to have been pure luck. Only a random, completely coincidental chance of being paired with- 

“Shelby and Ravi.” 

_ What??  _

“Oooh, yay!” Shelby beamed and went to retrieve the paper, leaving him baffled. 

“How did that happen?” Ravi muttered to himself. 

“I had strong prayers,” Shelby was still smiling widely as she returned to her seat and handed him the rubric for him to peer over. His stomach sank lower and lower as he absorbed the instructions. They were going to have to reenact a scene from the chosen work, either filming it to show the class or perform it on the due date.  _ Oh God.  _ Great. A chance to humiliate himself. 

"Did you read this?" He took a deep breath to calm his heightened anxiety. 

_ Okay. Do not panic. It will be okay  _

_ You always say that but it always goes wrong  _

_ I’m trying to be positive  _

_ Why? It never works. Not for you  _

“Not yet,” she shook her head, flipping open her binder where she had all of her papers about Shakespeare. “Why? What’s it say?” 

“We have to reenact a scene,” he said uneasily. If  _ she _ didn’t want to and he didn’t want to, perhaps there was a way out of this. They could submit a longer essay or-oh, who was he kidding? She was probably going to the love the idea. 

Her eyes lit up. “That sounds fun!” 

_ Knew it _

"I suppose," he shrugged, not wanting to seem wimpy over something as trivial as a school assignment. He felt nauseous at the thought of it.

“We did something like that back at my old school,” Shelby reminced, putting her chin in the palms of her hands. "We were reading Macbeth and my teacher, Mrs. Cheatem, had us act it out instead of just reading. We even got to use costumes that the drama kids used. It was  _ so _ fun! I got to be Lady Macbeth and I can't remember what Emily was but she didn't like it. She wanted something small because English was her sleeping period but Mrs. Cheatem gave her a bigger part. It really helped though, to act it out. We all passed our big test at the end, even Emily and she sucks at taking tests. She got a 5 percent once. It was a math test. Her parents were so mad. I didn't know you could get that low; I guess you can if you don't study. Emily doesn’t like to study, she’s too lazy and she says it’s a waste of time. Our other friend, Isabella, she studies for everything. She told me she made into AP chem this year. Emily likes to call her a teacher’s a pet and Isabella likes to call Emily a future plumber because she says it’s the only job she’ll have if she doesn’t study.” 

Against his better judgement, that last remark  _ did  _ bring out an amused smile. 

“You smiled!” Shelby said excited, as if it was a great discovery. Several people turned their way. "Oh my Gosh! I can't believe it! I'm pretty sure that's the first one you've done, around me anyway. Doesn't it just feel just terrific to smile? I love to. I do it all the time!" 

As quick as it came, it was gone due to her reaction. Ravi hid half his face, cringing inwardly at what everyone else must be thinking. "Do you suppose we could focus on the assignment, please?" 

“Of course!” Shelby went on as usual. Of course, though. She didn’t have to deal with the repercussions of her words. "What should we pick? I'm good with anything. You can choose. I bet you’ll find a good one." 

_ How about nothing?  _

"How about Romeo and Juliet?" He tried. It was the easiest, most well known work of Shakespeare's. They would get their easy A and find something doable to act out that wouldn't leave him a puddle of nerves. 

_ Sure that’s why you want it and not because there’s a kissing scene  _

Ravi’s cheeks reddened and he hoped Shelby took no notice of it. Granted, she was a pretty girl but that did  _ not _ mean he wanted to get romantically involved with her. 

“I like it,” Shelby told him. “What scene should we do? Oh, there are so many good ones! My school did Romeo and Juliet for our school play. I wasn’t in it, but I watched it. It was really good. Isabella played Juliet. I wish I could act but I can’t keep a straight face.” At this, she giggled a little. 

“Let us focus, please,” Ravi repeated, suppressing a sigh. He had a feeling that he was going to be saying that a lot until they were finished. “We only have two weeks to get it done and I would rather not waste most of it by slacking.” 

The words spilled out thoughtlessly. He winced and expected to see hurt or anger in her eyes but there wasn’t any. 

“I agree,” she nodded vigorously. “I’ve never really liked group projects because it all gets pushed on one person and it’s so unfair.” 

That...that was Ravi’s major grievance with group projects.  _ He  _ was the unlucky person that had to do all the work while everyone got credit for it. 

“Me either,” he admitted. 

Shelby patted the top of his hand. It was something that momentarily stunned him. No one  _ voluntarily _ touched him anymore. Regardless, he managed not to pull his hand away, even though it should have been his first instinct. “Don’t worry,” she meant to sound reassuring, “we’ll figure this out. I won’t make you do all of it.” 

Ravi wasn’t used to kindness, especially from a girl. People like Shelby didn’t go around being nice to everyone including him. People like her snubbed people like him. They didn’t get happy or smiley and they  _ didn’t _ make a promise to divide the project equally. 

It was all  _ wrong.  _

"Did you decide what scene you wanted yet?" Shelby had her book open as well. All of her notes were in a neat pile on her desk. 

"I do not know," Ravi sighed. "Perhaps act five, scene two? It's fairly short so neither of us would have many lines." 

But Shelby had other plans. "Oooh! Or we could do the balcony scene? It's so romantic!" Her eyes gleamed and she let out a dreamy sigh. 

"And long," Ravi deadpanned. 

She giggled. 

"Besides, we will not have enough people for that scene. The nurse makes three and there's only two of us," Ravi said slowly as if he was speaking to a small child. 

Shelby smiled knowingly. She leaned over to reach his book, which was open to the page. "That's why I'll play Juliet and the nurse." 

"But how will that work? You will need to distinguish your voice and as we've already discussed, you cannot keep a straight face while acting." 

"Raviiiii," she stretched his name out purposefully. "Don't worry." 

He couldn't help it. It was his nature. 

With ten more minutes left of class, he was a bit discouraged at what they had accomplished-or lack of accomplished. 

When she suddenly grabbed his arm, he had to fight the urge to squeak.  _ Squeak.  _ "Oh my gosh! I have an idea! It's a really good one too! I think you'll like it, I know I do!" 

"What is it?" Ravi kept the irritation out if his voice, miraculously. He was a pro at this. 

"We should work on this at your house!" He froze. "It would be SO fun! I could meet your family and we could hangout together. I used to do that with my friends back home all the time. We always stayed at Caleb's house. His house was the hangout spot. I hope they're still doing it even though I'm not there. I'm sure they are. I wouldn't want Caleb to get lonely. He's a little shy. I remember when we met in first grade, he got scared by some kids on the playground and stayed with me and our friend Lexie. Don’t you miss first grade? It sure was different, but a good different. I hated naptime so I always tried looking at picture books under my blanket.” " 

"You-me-my house?" Ravi stammered, ignoring the rest of her spiel. "Oh no, I am not certain that's wise." 

"Why not, silly?" She seemed to have made up her mind already. "How else are we going to practice our lines?" 

"Before school," he suggested desperately. "I can ask Jessie if I can stay after as well." 

"Or we could go over to mine!" Was this girl ever not excited? She was going to blow her pupils out. "My parents would love to meet you! It's still kinda messy from moving but you can actually see the floor now. I could show you my room, it looks so cool! I haven't had anyone over yet so you'll be the first one!" She had already put her stuff back into her backpack.

Ravi, on the other hand, was still caught off guard by this latest idea. 

_ RIIIING  _

The rest of the class collectively left, talking at once about their projects. 

Shelby stood up, waiting for him. "Aren't you coming?" She asked, unfazed. 

_ I wish I was not _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed, one of Shelby's flaw is pushiness. You'll see a lot of more of that later. And I will have his thoughts repeating things like Shelby isn't really his friend or something because those thoughts are bothering him the most


	11. Chapter 11

“I must ask you to reconsider,” Ravi had spent the rest of his classes after English to garner up a sufficient counterargument. With the way they’d reacted to the news when they heard Shelby was willingly sitting and talking to him, he could imagine how mortifying it would be if she actually came. 

Shelby stopped what she was doing-humming whilst attaching different kind of pins to her backpack-to give him a bemused look. “Reconsider what?” 

“Your idea,” he waited for a response but she was still confused. “For our project.” 

“Ooooh,” Recognition flashed across her face. “Why’s that?” 

“I just think it would be wise to reconsider,” he repeated. “You must be very busy after moving and I don’t want to disrupt that. And I am very busy myself.....with things,” he said lamely. 

“Silly, I’m never too busy for you,” she told him as though it was obvious.

A strange warm sensation filled his entire chest but he shook it off. It didn’t matter how many times she rattled off about their alleged friendship or proclaimed about how Ravi was her best friend, his guard was still up and it would be a long time before it was down.

“That is not the point,” Ravi argued. “Would you parents appreciate me coming over when they’re probably in the middle of unpacking?”

“They’re at work,” Shelby sucked on a juice box. “My dad’s a teacher. He teaches first grade, but no; he didn’t teach my class. That would’ve been so cool! I know most kids wouldn’t like to be in the same class as their parents but I would! It would be amazing if he taught high school instead, don’t you think? Oh! And my mom’s a nurse. She works in the ER. I went with her once, on one of those bring-your-kids-to-work-day’s. Elliot got sick after seeing all the blood but I didn’t! I think I might do something medical after I graduate. What about you? Have you thought about what you want to do?”

“No,” he said flatly. But back to the original subject. “I really think we should wait. Your parents probably wouldn’t want to know at the last minute that I’m coming over.” 

“I could text dad.”

“That would still be inconvenient.” 

Shelby shrugged. “They never said I  _ couldn’t _ have anyone over.” 

Ravi could tell he was losing the battle. “Perhaps we should go somewhere else.” 

“Like your house? That’s a great idea! Oh my gosh, I can’t wait! I’ll text dad now!” she seemed very pleased by his ‘suggestion’. 

“No, no. That’s not what I meant!” he panicked. 

“But you just said-” 

“No,” he said it a little more harshly than he intended for it to be. “You cannot come over.” 

“Why not?” 

B-because, err,” he had to think quickly. Then a thought occurred to him. “Because my living room isn’t cleaned and Jessie doesn’t allow us to have anyone over if it isn’t.” He did the most fake apologetic head shake he could muster.

He barely stopped himself from making a face at his ridiculous excuse. There was no way she would believe that. 

“Oh, I see,” she said like it made sense. “So where would we go? Or are we not working on it today?” 

Hmm. Had she just asked that in the first place, maybe he wouldn’t of freaked out so much. “I do not know.” He could ask Jessie for permission to be out until dinner. He and Shelby could find a place, somewhere in the public view for them to rehearse. “Perhaps the library or the park?” 

“I like that!” Shelby bobbed her head. “How about the library? I love it there! I used to sit at the one back home for hours and read.” 

Ravi was okay with that. More so, he was pleasantly surprised at the information she revealed. Hardly anyone he knew voluntarily spent their time reading. “Alright.” 

She cheered, only to be shushed by the lunch monitor. Her giggles quietened. “This means we’ll get to walk together after school! Won’t that be great?” 

“Sure,” he lied. He hoped Jessie would inform Luke and Zuri so he didn’t have to himself. Or run the risk of Shelby meeting them. 

“Great! It’s a date!” 

He choked on his water. 

“ _ Excuse me _ ?”

“Relax, silly,” she broke out into a grin as she handed him a couple napkins. “It’s not a real date. We’re just working on our project.” 

He wiped away the excess water from his chin. “Right,” he muttered. 

Shelby occupied herself by texting her dad to see if it was okay to go to the library. Ravi was doing the same with Jessie. 

_ Is it okay if I go to the library after school? It’s for a project.  _

Jessie replied a couple minutes later. She must have been eating lunch as well. 

_ Of course, sweetie. Just be back by dinner. I’ll tell Luke and Zuri so they don’t wait for you.  _

“My dad said it was okay,” Shelby grinned. 

“Jessie did as well.” 

“I can’t believe we’re gonna hangout!” she squealed. “I didn’t know if I could because my brother and I have chores to do after school. Just simple stuff like taking out the trash. Do you have a lot of chores to do or does someone do it for you? Did that sound mean? I hope not. Sometimes people think I’m nosy but I don’t mean to be. It just comes out that way.” 

“I do my own chores,” he said, not addressing the fact that he was the only one of his siblings that did. Bertram didn’t do much other than the occasional dust or maybe laundry. It was Jessie who took care of things. “And no, it wasn’t mean,” he added. A little nosy on her part yes, but he didn’t take it as being mean. 

_ Interesting that you felt the need to say it  _

_ What? I’m just being nice. It isn’t a crime  _

_ No, but I thought you didn’t care about her?  _

_ I...I don’t. Not like that  _

Shelby reached over to squeeze his hand as a kind of thank you. “I’m so glad I met you. I told my friends back home about you and they want to meet you sometime! Caleb’s the only guy in our group so he’ll be happy to have you to talk to.” 

Ravi’s mouth went dry at the thought of meeting new, strange people. If Shelby acted the way she did, he could imagine the people she was around. “Oh, no, I don’t think so.” 

“Why not?” Her wide, bright eyes looked so innocent. 

Ravi caught himself staring but quickly retracted. They were just very green and he wasn’t used to seeing green eyes.  _ Yeah, that’s it. _ “I just don’t.” He didn’t feel like explaining. 

Shelby shrugged. “Okay.” 

** 

Shelby needed to grab something from her locker before they left. It was fine by Ravi. He slipped into the bathroom to relieve himself and afterwards he met her at the end of the hallway. Most of the students were already gone, except for those in extracurriculars and the teachers that were preparing to leave.

Shelby tied her hair back in a high ponytail and rolled up the short sleeves on her t-shirt. “Ready?” she had a bounce in her step. He dearly hoped she was not going to skip on the way there. 

“Yes,” he nodded curtly. “Let us go.” 

They walked out of the school, side-by-side (although, Ravi made sure they  _ weren’t _ touching by any means), down the steps at the front entrance and they made a left turn. By now, the street was crowded with a mob of people rushing around as it always did. He was caught off guard when Shelby suddenly grasped a fistful of his shirt as they maneuvered through. Even the noise of the city did not detour her from talking. 

“We didn’t have this many people back home. My town’s super tiny and I know everyone. Do you know a lot of people here? I used to say hi to my neighbors and I had this one grumpy old guy who always ignored me until I gave him an apple pie as a Christmas present. You should’ve seen his face, he was so happy! Do you like apple pie or any kind of pie? I kinda like pecan but I love cake more, I like the frosting. Pie’s okay but it’s not something I’d choose over cake.”’ 

She chattered on directly behind his ear, causing him to wince at her volume. 

_ Dear Gods, does she ever stop talking? I cannot take much more of this  _

Finally they made it out, and only after he inched away did she release her hold on his shirt. “Sorry,” she giggled. 

Ravi squinted his eyes when the sun beamed down right on his eyes. Never did it occur to him to bring sunglasses; of course, never did it occur to him that he would be going anywhere else besides school that day either. 

“Are you hot?” Shelby broke through his thoughts.

“What?” 

“Your face,” she pointed to her cheeks, “it’s red. Wanna stop for a drink? I can buy, I just got my allowance. But I am trying to find a job. Back home I helped the local farm because he lived alone. Have you ever milked a cow before? It’s  _ so _ fun! You should totally do it sometime!” 

He cut her off before her spiel ran any longer than it had to be. “I am fine, thank you. Perhaps later.” 

Unbeknownst to her, he never intended for later to come. 

“Okay!” She did one high skip then resumed her normal walking pace. 

Unlike any of the times they’d walked together around school, Shelby seemed absorbed in her own little world, not offering any kind of conversation. It was honestly refreshing. Ravi sideways glanced at her, from the corner of his eye he saw her eyes lighting up as she took in the sights and sounds of New York. She reminded him of himself when he first arrived; when everything was so new and exciting. It must have been the same way for someone raised in a rural area to be uprooted to somewhere else so big and different from anything they’ve ever known. 

_ Someone’s being sympathetic!  _

“Wow,” Shelby murmured, taking in the buildings and flashy signs. It was, possibly, the shortest sentence she’d spoken since she moved there. 

“It's nothing special,” Ravi didn’t know why he felt the need to be negative. 

Shelby turned to face him, smiling like she was reminiscing. “We don’t have these fancy things where I’m from.” 

_ What do you have?  _

“I suppose it’s not special to you since you’re probably used to it and all,” she half shrugged. “But for me, it’s like winning the prize for the biggest pumpkin.” 

He looked at her puzzledly, not understanding. 

She explained right away. “Nobody but Old Man Bobby Joe ever won the pumpkin contest. Nobody ever knew why, but he did it every year. He also made the best pumpkin pie, too.” 

“I thought you said you did not like pie very much?” 

“Well, not really,” she said. “But you can’t _not_ on Thanksgiving, even if it doesn’t taste as good as cake.” 

This time, he shrugged. “I’ve never had any.” 

She stopped walking-he did, too, confusedly-and gasped. “Never ever?” 

He wasn’t sure what the big deal was. “No?” 

“Why not?” 

“No one in my family likes it so I suppose that’s why.” 

“Remind me at Thanksgiving to save you a slice,” she nodded, saving that thought into her memory bank. 

“Oh, no. That is not necessary-”    
She slapped his back, a tad hard. “Well, sure it is! Besides, sharing is caring!” 

_ Unless what you are sharing is germs  _

“If you insist,” he said hesitantly. 

“Course I do,” she told him. “You may not get to have Old Man Bobby Joe’s but my dad’ll bake it and it’s pretty good. Do you like whipped cream? We always have whipped cream on ours but if you don’t like it, I’ll tell dad to keep it off.” 

“......Yes.” He was the only one in his family that did, Jessie and Bertram included. 

“Great! We’ll keep it on!” 

_ Yay _ . Ravi forced a smile. 

“Oh, we’re here!” She pointed at the library. “It’s much bigger than the one back home. Ours used to be someone’s house, which was kinda cool but didn’t really have a lot of space unless you went to the basement but that was the kids section.” 

The inside of the library was calm and soothing. Ravi had come there prior to this, seeking refuge in books and silence. It wasn’t completely silent, but better than the penthouse. The stacks of books on the shelves excited him, not quite the same way anymore, though it didn’t leave him altogether. 

“Wow,” she repeated. Ravi had to agree with her. “This is so cool!” 

The librarian, a young college girl who obviously didn’t want to be there, threw them a dirty look that clearly told them to shut up-or else. 

“Volume,” Ravi whispered quickly. The last thing they needed was to get kicked out for insubordination. 

“Oh, right. Sorry. This is so cool,” she said quieter, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck. 

_ Oh Gods _

“Where should we go?” Shelby craned her neck, looking for a spot. 

Ravi prayed that no one from school, the nerds that were even against him, weren’t going to show up here. So far, he didn’t see anyone he knew or recognized, as it was mostly vacant. “I am fine wherever.” 

“Great, how about there!” Shelby was referring to the spot right next to an open window (which was strange considering the air condition was on, but he digressed). 

“Sure,” Ravi agreed. 

They sat their backpacks on the table, unpacking the necessities: pencils, a notebook, the papers from English on Shakespeare, the Romeo and Juliet book they barrowed from Miss Zenon's bookshelf and the rubric. Ravi sat down whilst Shelby was across from him, just like at lunch. After she pushed her chair forward, she smiled at Ravi and he realized he didn’t know what to say. 

His mind went blank. 

“Did you decide on what part we should choose?” She was the first to speak. 

It was then he had to admit. “I was hoping you did.” 

She giggled. “Oh. That’s funny.”

_ Not really  _

“Well, we could either do the balcony scene or the one with the two friar’s, I think that’s what we talked about in class, right? So what do you wanna do?” 

“I do not know,” he hated that he was bing so indecisive. It wouldn’t matter down the line so why was he being so picky? He frustrated himself sometimes more than others did. 

Shelby bit her lower lip, sinking into deep thought. “Well, the rubric doesn’t say the scene has to be timed, so if you want, we can do the friar scene and get it over with so you won’t have to be up there long.” 

He eyed her warily. “I thought you wanted to do the balcony scene because it was romantic?” 

“Oh, I do,” she said. “But I also don’t want you to have stage fright. My friend Isabella had it when she did her first play, The Little Princess. She was the lead, Sara, and it was her first time as the lead and she froze up right on stage! Poor Bella. She was so upset after, even though she remembered her lines and finished. I wouldn’t want that to happen to you. Bella was so embarrassed, she didn’t want to come to school for a while.” 

_ I wouldn’t want to go to school either way  _

_ You should thank her  _

_ Why?  _

_ She's being nice. God knows you don't get  _ **_that_ ** _ often _

A cluster of thoughts, burdened memories, fogged up his mind to the point he was tongue tied. 

_ "I swear if you say another word, I'll kill you."  _

_ "Class, this is your new classmate: Ravi Ross."  _

_ "You talk weird."  _

_ "I bet he smells weird too."  _

_ "Ravi! If you keep talking to Mr. Kipling, people are gonna start thinking you're weird. Trust me, you can't afford it."  _

Shelby sat patiently, blinking. Rather unnerving, he should've asked her to stop but he couldn't. He didn't know why, why he couldn't just speak but there was too much going on at once. 

His head shot up at the sound of a water bottle being put down in front of him. 

"I forgot I had it," Shelby was speaking softer than she was when they came in. Was it because she was aware she needed to use an inside voice or did she sense a change in him? "Go on, I didn't drink out of it, I promise."

He took it, only upon the realization that his throat and mouth were unnaturally dry. He was absolutely parched. As he sipped, careful not to push himself into shock, he heard Shelby talking again. 

"You looked hot. Your face is still red and you're sweating. I didn't want you to get heat stroke or something. That happened to someone I know, once. It was awful. He thought he was dying. He passed out right in front of me. If my mom wasn't a nurse I don't think I would've been as calm. Bella would've freaked out, I know that. She isn't always good in an emergency." 

"Thank you," and he meant it. He was about to hand her the bottle back but figured she probably didn't want it after his mouth touched it. 

"You can have it," she said nicely. "I have tons of them laying around." She really did. A glimpse inside her backpack showed at  _ least  _ three others. Well, he inwardly scratched his head, on the bright side, Shelby was properly hydrated. 

"Thank you," he muttered with humiliation that made him want to cover his face and hide. Whatever got him so worked up, that disrupted what was supposed to be their study time, made him feel so small.  _ Luke  _ wouldn't have acted this way. He would've pulled through it. 

_ There you go comparing yourself again. Makes you feel good, does it? I mean, why else would you constantly think about Luke?  _

"I think we should do the Friar scene," he recalled what she said earlier, in between the unnecessary details, about her friend having stage fright. It would be a nightmare if that happened to him, if he made a fool of himself like that. It was nothing compared to what it would be like if he did it within view of Mitch, but he preferred not to think of that scenario. 

"Sounds good to me, Bright Eyes," she said cheerfully.

He stared at her, perplexed. "Pardon?" He didn't know if he should laugh at the absurdity or make a break for it. 

"I called you bright eyes," she explained, despite not needing to. He very well heard what she said. "Because you have bright eyes. They're pretty. Caleb has pretty eyes too, his are blue." 

"Okay?" He was thoroughly confused but he wisely kept it to himself so she didn't spend any more time on it than need be. 

"I've been trying to find a nickname for you since we met but I didn't know  _ what  _ to call you. I like Bright Eyes, it fits, don't you think?" 

"Do you have nicknames for all your friends?" 

"Not really," she only added to his confusion. "Unless you count Bella for Isabella and Emmy for Emily. You're the first, isn't that great!" 

"Fantastic," he said dryly. "I'm thrilled." 

"Me too!" 

The grumpy librarian shushed her again, harsher this time around. Her arms were in the air and she carried this “Seriously?” vibe with her. With a huff and shake of her head that jiggled her bun, she went back to whatever she was reading on her phone. 

“Sorry,” Shelby said with an exaggerated whisper. The girl never acknowledged her apology. “She looks annoyed,” she observed. 

_ Rightly so _ . “She must be having a bad day,” Ravi said.  _ And your lack of volume control isn’t helping matters. _

“Wait right here,” Shelby was out of her chair before her command had time to register in his mind. 

“What are you-” but it was too late, she was already approaching the girl. He could only hope she didn’t say anything that would result in them being barred for life. 

_ What do you care? You’re always cooped up in your room anyway  _

_ I would rather not be treated as though I am a criminal, should I ever want to return  _

Ravi shook his head, looking up just in time to see Shelby coming back. Behind her, the college girl was glaring at her. 

“You,” she said to Ravi, “tell your girlfriend to keep her mouth shut and stop talking to people like they’re your best friend. It’s weird and makes you seem like a creep.” 

Her words flew over his head. Although he would most certainly agree with her reasoning, one aspect was currently causing him more trouble than the rest. 

She thought- 

They were... 

_ What?  _

“We’re not dating, I assure you,” he gestured between them.

Shelby nodded along. “We’re just besties!” 

_ The feeling is unrequited _

The girl folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t care what you’re calling it,” she waved a hand at them, “but like I said, don’t do it. Now shut up and do what you’re doing or leave. It’s as simple as that.” With a clearly fake sweet smile, she turned back around and disappeared into the ladies restroom. 

Ravi was staring in horror. 

_ I cannot believe this _

“She looks upset now,” Shelby noted. “I feel bad. I didn’t mean to do that. I just wanted to cheer her up. I told her she was pretty and I liked her shirt. Mom and dad always told me compliments can make someone feel better. I didn’t know she was going to get mad like that. I think I’ll go apologize.” 

“No!” Ravi immediately grabbed her arm. “Please, I am begging you not to. That is a very bad idea.” 

“Why?” 

He had to bite down on his tongue,  _ hard _ , to keep his temper from flaring. 

“ _ Because _ she probably wants to be left alone. Not everyone is wired the same way.”

“That’s true,” Shelby sat back down. 

“Can we  _ please _ continue working on our project now?” 

“Oh, yeah!” 

Thankfully, there was no more incidents after that. The conversation died off and they dissolved into silence. Ravi kept an eye on the clock so he knew when to leave (he was looking forward to it; he couldn’t wait to get back to the penthouse so he could lock himself in his room). They worked out who would do what: Shelby would do the two page essay (and Ravi would look it over) while he did the glossary of terms and characters. He had the easiest job of them whilst she had to explain the significance of not only the scene, but the characters as well. 

She scribbled down her essay (and promised she would type it up once she was home). The squeakiness of her pencil drove him mad and he was tempted to say something; however, he didn’t want her to start talking again so he let it slide. 

“Almost done,” she informed him after she wrote on both sides of the first page. “How about you?” 

Ravi had barely accomplished much of anything. He was working on the terms first. It was just so hard, after what just happened, his mind refused to let him be at ease and do what needed to be done. 

“I,erm, I did three.” 

“Good work!” she congratulated him. 

Ravi almost glared. That stung slightly, for he was sure she was being patronizing. “We should be finishing up so I have time to walk back home.” 

“Me too,” she started to put her things away, not in an organized manner. “I had fun, Ravi! Well besides for making the librarian mad, I still bad. When do you wanna get together again?” She looked at him expectantly. 

_ Never  _

“I don’t know,” he sighed. He was being honest. 

“And how will I know  _ when _ you want to get together or if you can’t make it?” 

“I’ll tell you at school.” 

“ _ Or _ .” 

He saw her grin mischievously. 

_ Oh no. What now?  _

“Do you know what this means?” she was bouncing in her seat, unable to contain her glee like a normal person could. 

“What?” he almost groaned. 

If she started screaming, he swore....

“We should exchange numbers!” She hit her leg with her palm. He jumped. “Why didn’t I think of that sooner?” she hit herself on the head. “We could’ve been texting each other everyday!” 

_ No, we wouldn’t have  _

“Oh, no, that isn’t necessary,” Ravi tried to say but it was useless. Shelby handed him her cell phone, black with no case. He took it from her, holding it while glancing at her tentatively. He couldn’t recall giving his number to someone else, and with such  _ happiness _ from the other person. Shelby looked at him encouragingly-honestly, whatever deity made it happen did it. He typed in his number and gave it back to her. She squealed. 

“Oh my gosh! This is so exciting! Here, I’ll text you so you have my number too!” 

Almost instantly, he heard his phone vibrate. 

_ Hey bestie! Are you excited? I’m excited. I can’t wait! Now we can have late night conversations! You know, as long as it isn’t too late during school. My parents are kinda strict about that. Is Jessie strict? Because I don’t wanna get you in trouble or anything. I’d feel awful if I did. _

So she was capable of talking fast  _ and _ typing fast. He had much to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I need to say it, but the part where it refers to Mrs. Kipling as Mr, that was before they found out he was a she


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say a huge thank you to the second person that's reviewed. I so appreciate it, I honestly didn;t think many were really reading it

He couldn’t shake it off; that jittery feeling. It was keeping him on edge, like an unwanted rush of adrenaline repeatedly washing over him. He blamed it on Shelby, as unfair as it might seem. All day before meeting her for their study ‘date’, he’d been horribly nervous. His mind had created about a dozen scenarios of things going wrong and he hadn’t been too far off from the truth, in actuality. He would never be able to go back if that girl was still there, he couldn’t face her after she scolded them for  _ Shelby’s  _ behavior (and the absolutely ludicrous insinuation that she was hs girlfriend!). A part of him felt some resentment toward her, a sense of aggravation that once,  _ just once _ she couldn’t have toned it down somewhat and acted like a  _ normal _ person. She couldn’t have done it, could she? Ravi dreaded to think of the other days he would have to spend with her to finish this project if she had been that way earlier, what would the other times hold? It was worse, that being he couldn’t ask Miss Zenon for a change of partner; who’d  _ want _ to be his partner? He had no other option but to accept that he was stuck with her. 

And then he’d be done. 

He was anticipating it; yearning for it.

He could feel his conscious admonishing him for acting no better than the bullies at school, urging him to give Shelby a chance, a  _ real  _ chance because she might surprise him. If he was like his old self, he would have. He never wanted anyone to feel like an outsider, like when he first arrived in America and went to school where everyone else stared at him like he was some kind of freak ( _ You are) _ . But, the stubbornness was seeping through. Shelby must not have felt that way, she was way too jovial and generally, excluding whatever they might have been thinking about her association with him, people liked her. She was the refreshing breath of air that made her different from everyone else. Some of their classmates were the rich, snobby type and others weren’t as bad; Shelby was genuinely a down-to-earth girl that he should’ve gotten along well with. 

He just...couldn’t. 

He shifted his feet underneath of him, pulling his blanket up to his stomach. A few droplets of water fell down his face; his hair was still damp from the shower he  _ just _ took. He’d been in the middle of washing it when Zuri had come banging (pounding with an iron fist) on the door, demanding (not having a little bit of courtesy to see how much longer he would be) that he get out now because she was next. Initially, he was going to yell back at her, to say that she was going to wait until it was her turn; but then he thought about it, about how they ordered him around with no disregard for him. She didn’t deserve a response so he didn’t give her one. The banging continued, nothing he couldn't drawn out with the water and a little humming. He should have known she would go for Jessie. Anything to get  _ her _ way, of course. His stomach sank in dismay when he heard Jessie outside the door, trying to be patient and (semi) lecturing him on how they needed to compromise now that they were back in school and while he may have gotten away with taking long showers in the summer, he needed to shorten it to twenty. 

With more aggression than the situation justified, he shut it off, drying off in a quick, ineffective (since he was still dripping) manner. He threw on his clothes, exiting the bathroom without so much as looking in Zuri’s direction. Whatever she’d said to him, probably some snarky remark that he would’ve had to restrain himself on replying on, he didn’t comprehend. It was probably for the best so Jessie didn’t have a reason to ground him. 

He sighed, annoyed. Perhaps a punishment might have been better, if it meant he was to be sent to his room for an unspecified amount of time. Jessie forced him out of there, claiming he needed to spend time with his family instead of being cooped up so much. He was entirely fine with the latter. How did she come to the conclusion that more family time was what he needed after she witnessed Zuri’s tantrum for supposedly taking up all the hot water? Quite frankly, he knew what she was trying to do and it wasn’t working, not in the slightest. She’d seen how his relationships with his siblings had deteriorated since she came to work for their parents and had taken it upon herself to fix it. Well, Ravi didn’t want her to ‘fix’ it. He didn’t need her to rescue him like he was some damsel in distress; like he was a broken china doll that needed to be put back together. He had everything under control himself. Perhaps, yes, he did miss being wanted by others (besides Mrs. Kipling) but he didn’t miss it enough to have any desire to mend it (or have anyone do it for him). If he had to live the rest of his life without siblings (figuratively) then so be it. 

He had to do it before and he’d do it again. 

Ravi adjusted the pillow that was supporting his back, wiggling until he got into a more comfortable position. If he couldn’t stay in his room like he wanted, he brought one of his books-that he’d read more times than he could count- down with him and planned on reading (or skimming, really. TV was too mind-numbing and he was too worn out to do anything strenuous) until he had to go to bed. A swift glance around the room had him internally snorting. Jessie wanted him downstairs for some  _ family time  _ but, to no surprise to him, none of them were around. Luke was out with some of his friends (he’d seen Jessie trying to call him for the sixth time just before he came down), Emma was locked up in her room with her music blaring and Zuri was probably on her phone, watching more videos or something that he couldn’t bring himself to care about. Why was  _ he _ getting told off when  _ they _ could virtually do whatever they wanted (for the most part)? 

He’d always known the rules varied for him then his siblings. They were irresponsible and he was the good, dependable kid that tried to always do what he was told without question. At first, he didn’t mind so much (he hadn’t minded much of anything for a while). He soon saw it went from being tolerable to downright unfair once he truly opened his eyes to it. Why did  _ he _ have to finish the chores that  _ they  _ were supposed to finish but didn’t because they knew they could? Why was it that when  _ he  _ made a mistake, i was somehow worse than when  _ they  _ did? 

Why did they get to change while he had to keep being the same person they’d always known? 

Talking to the school ‘psychologist’ would have been a huge joke. She only cared enough about student problems to where she wouldn’t be sued for it. He had no one to turn to; it should have hurt him but he guessed he was so used to it that it didn’t really matter anymore. It was hard to be taken seriously when you were considered everyone’s object of ridicule. Not only that, he didn’t feel like being patronized or told in a roundabout way that he was just being dramatic, that it was all in his head. That those feelings of rejection, of feeling unloved and unwanted, he just made it all up for attention. 

_ That _ made his blood boil. 

If anyone ever alluded to the very idea- 

He might not have much self-control. 

“Where were you?” Ravi tore his eyes away from the page (where he’d read and reread the same paragraph for about five minutes now). Zuri was suddenly in front of him, hands on her hips with a facial expression that indicated to him that she somehow as  _ entitled _ to know. 

“At the library studying,” he replied even though he didn’t have to tell her a thing. He spluttered indignantly when she grabbed the book and threw it across the room with ease. That was what he was talking-no regard for his personal property. 

“Cut the crap,” she scoffed in a way that was so reminiscent of the gossipy, popular girls at school. “Jessie said that you said you were with a girl and we  _ all  _ know that’s not true.” 

_ Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.  _

“Excuse you but I was with Shelby!” he snapped, not able to keep his temperment at bay. “Not that it is any of  _ your _ business.” 

She stared, a mixture of amazement (that he’d lost control) and miffed that she was talking to  _ her  _ that way (he would have liked to say a little more-but knew better). “What’s your problem?” 

“My ‘problem’,” he used air quotes, “is you. You’re always in  _ my  _ business and I’m quite tired of it. And why do you care who I was with and what I was doing?” 

“I  _ don’t, _ ” she shot back. “I just find it hard to believe you managed to find a girl to be around you. I’m surprised you haven’t scared her away yet.” 

A flare of anger rushed through him. There it was again! Always having to remind him relentlessly about how girls never wanted to be around him because they thought he was  _ so  _ weird. It didn’t matter that, maybe, it hurt him to hear it over and over again, on no, making fun of him was important than caring about his feelings. 

“ _ Shut up _ !” Impulsively, he got to his feet and shoved her with one hand. Zuri tumbed back a couple steps, shock written all over her face that he’d touched her like that. Deep down, he couldn’t believe he did it either. 

“You shut up!” she charged at him and shoved him back. Ravi was taller than her so he barely moved at all. 

_ “Can’t you just leave me alone?”  _

“You mean like everyone else?” she sneered. 

Ravi’s jaw was clenched. He didn’t want to hurt her, despite how much of a pain she was being (which was an understatement). His hand was firmly into a fist; the raw  _ anger _ was so overwhelming. He’d never been an overly violent person but in that moment, where his vision was spotty (most likely an icrease in blood pressure) he just wanted to hit something. Until it broke. 

“And I’m telling Jessie that you shoved me!” 

“You started it,” he was aware that he was responding childishly but he didn’t care all that much. “You were being rude to me first!” 

“You’re the one that lied!” 

“How did  _ I  _ lie?” 

“You wouldn’t tell me who you were with earlier.” 

Good,  _ God _ . 

“I  _ told  _ you, I was with Shelby! We were working on our english project. And why am I explaining myself to you, anyway? It’s none of your business who I’m with.” 

Zuri wasn’t used to being told no  _ or _ being put into her place since she came to live with them. She, essentially, lived the life of royalty and expected the same, grad treatment everywhere. “JESSIE!” she screamed. 

Ravi glared at her, crossing his arms. 

In mere seconds, a new record, Jessie came sprinting down the stares, breathlessly. “What’s wrong? Who’s hurt?” 

“I am because Ravi shoved me!” Zuri whined. 

Oh, she wasn’t serious. 

Unbelievable. 

Jessie came to a halt in between them. He could  _ feel _ the disapproval in the room. She turned her attention on him, looking kind of shocked. “Ravi, is that true? Did you shove Zuri?” she asked with skepticism. 

“You don’t understand! I was trying to read and-” 

“I don’t want a story,” she cut in, sternly, “answer the question: did you shove Zuri or not?”

Unbeknownst to Jessie, Zuri smirked at him. His glare hardened. 

“Ravi!” Jessie snapped. 

“Yes!” for the second time that night, he lost his temper. “Yes, I shoved her but-” 

“But nothing,” her hands were at her temples and she looked so lost. “I don’t know what to do with you kids. I have one that won’t come home on time and you’re shoving Zuri. What the-? Ravi, that’s not like you.” 

_ Because you’re the goody two shoes  _

“I think high school has changed him,” Zuri supplied most unhelpfully. “And not for the better.” 

Jessie pursed her lips, eyebrows raised. “Upstairs. Bed. Now.” She gave no room for argument, even when Zuri started to protest. “I don’t want to hear it. You’re taking too long to get up in the morning so I’ve pushed your bedtime back.” 

“That’s not-” 

“Life isn’t fair,” Jessie said unsympathetically. She pointed a finger in the opposite direction. “Go.” In a miraculous turn of events, Zuri did what she was told (not without shoving past Ravi to get there). 

“And don’t even think about calling Christina because she agreed with me!” 

Ravi sat back down, burying his head in his hands. He felt the couch cousin beside him sink down with added weight. Jessie tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off. 

She sighed. 

“I know you don’t want to talk.” 

For once, she was corrected. 

“But I really think we should,” Jessie insisted. “Something’s up and if you don’t feel like talking to me, I can call Christina or Morgan if that’s what you want.” 

Ah, yes. Call his parents so they can throw out some awkward, half-hearted attempt at comforting him when they were most likely too busy to even answer their phones. That was  _ exactly  _ what he wanted. 

“Ravi, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Jessie practually pleaded. 

_ Perhaps that is a sign I don’t want your help  _

“Is it school? Is it too hard?” 

_ It cannot be hard if I am not trying  _

“Are people bothering you again? Do I need to have a talk with Luke?” 

_ You do not know the half of it and I sincerely doubt talking to Luke would solve anything  _

_ It would make it worse  _

_ Much worse  _

“Do you want me to talk to the principal? Or your parents? Look, it sucks, I know but you just have to pretend it doesn’t bother you and they’ll-” 

“No one is bothering me!” Ravi exploded, his nose flaring. “Must you ask so many questions? I just wish to read quietly without being bothered. How can I do that when  _ everyone _ insists on talking to me? I don’t appreciate it.” 

Jessie was stunned into silence but only momentarily. “And I don’t appreciate that tone of yours,” she looked slightly unsure, then fell into that authoritative side with more ease. It was usually Luke that was receiving the brunt of it. “Look, Ravi, I want to helo you because I know you haven’t been yourself lately but that’s no excuse to act like a jerk. Do I have ground you like I did Luke? You’ll stay home and-” she trailed off, realizing that he  _ didn’t  _ go anywhere, “uh, I’ll take away your phone and computer.” That seemed to make much more sense in her mind, she nodded to herself. 

Ravi lowered his eyes to the floor, having been fully pushed into a foul mood. 

She continued, her tone softening, “I don’t want to punish you, Ravi. You’re a good kid. I just wish I knew what was up there,” she gestured toward his head and he, instinctively, leaned back away from her. That did not go unnoticed. “Just take an easy, okay? And go apologize to Zuri.” 

He was going to protest, because it had been  _ her _ fault that he shoved her but Jessie held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it. You kids know better than to lay a hand on each other. You’re lucky I’m not grounding you for that. Now, go apologize before bed while I try to track down your brother and not kill him.” 

_ This is ridiculous  _

_ I should not have to be the one to apologize  _

_ What about Zuri? Why does she not have to apologize?  _

“No,” it took all of three seconds to grasp that he’d said it aloud. 

Jessie’s gaze flickered to him, apparently caught off guard that he’d said it, too. She didn’t say anything immediately, probably giving him time to retract. When he didn’t, she made a few surprised noises. “Excuse me?” she tried to sound firm and failed. “Did you just tell me no?” 

“Yes,” he felt more confident than he should have, “I did. Why should I be the one made to apologize? Zuri shoved me, too.” 

“Ravi, you’re older. You should know better.” 

“So should she!” 

“Ravi,” she sounded dangerously close to snapping, “I’m not arguing with you about this. You’re going to march up those stairs and do what you’re told. Am I clear?” 

He stared at her straight in the eye. 

“ _ Am. I. Clear?”  _

“Are you?” he asked coolly. 

He was sick; sick of being run over. That was going to change and it was starting now. 

“That’s it! I’ve enough of this. Are you trying to get grounded? Because I should warn you, you’re very,  _ very _ close. I’ve already told you once, I’m not arguing with you over this. I want you to go upstairs and apologize to Zuri or so help me, I’ll drag you up there myself and I assure you, you won’t like it if that happens.” 

The threat was there, looming over them like a thunderous cloud. Ravi should have,  _ should have  _ listened wisely and backed down. But he was already so far gone and he didn’t care anymore. The anger was bubbling just under the surface and he couldn’t deal with it. It was burning him. 

He was burning. 

“I don’t understand what’s gotten into you,” Jessie’s shoulders slumped and he took in account of how  _ exhausted _ she was. “You were always the good kid. I  _ thought _ I’d have it easy with you, but I guess I was wrong.” That might have stung at a previous time. “I don’t know if you’re trying to rebelle to be cool or if this is just a phase but I’m begging you to stop. We don’t deserve this and neither do you. You’re only going to hurt yourself and I’d hate to see your future ruined by some stupid decision. You’re smarter than that, Ravi. I know you are.” 

_ You don’t know anything about me  _

_ Stop trying to act as though you do  _

“And I was serious about what I said: if you ever want to talk, I’m here. I’ll listen. I promise you, I will.” 

_ I’d rather talk to Luke...if that gives you any indication  _

She seemed to hopeful, like she thought her speil was going to magically fix everything and he would break down, begging for forgiveness and things would turn out alright again after a heart-to-heart talk. 

“I want to go to bed,” he cut in-her face dropped-, “Goodnight, Jesse.” 

“I’m not done-” 

Her voice became distant when he abruptly left (he almost expected her to follow him), going back to his bedroom but not before throwing a dirty look in the direction of Zuri’s door. He flopped down on the bed, closing his eyes. 

He assumed it would all smooth over soon enough. Luke would (eventually) come back forcing Jessie’s attention on him; instead of worrying over Ravi, she would be focused on yelling and threatening Luke with punishments for being so late. He knew she wasn’t serious about calling his parents; it was a bluff she had used many times and all of his siblings knew it had no withstanding. Jessie never wanted their parents to think she couldn’t handle them (when usually she couldn’t) so in order to appear picture-perfect, she handled all of their messes, their mistakes and situations herself. 

Besides, she never cared long enough about Ravi to take some action. She’d said something when he wanted to redecorate his room but that one time mention was about it. He hadn’t heard anything else since. 

_ That’s because no one ares about you  _

_ You’re too much  _

_ They all get tired of you sooner or later  _

_ Shelby will too  _

_ Face it, you’re just a nobody that nobody wants to deal with  _

_ You’re a mistake, a mistake that should’ve been taken care of a long time ago  _

_ You’re all alone and you always will be  _

His heart clenched. He pushed back the tears that welled in the corner of his eyes. He was  _ not  _ going to cry over something so trivial. 

He...he wasn’t weak. 

_ But you are  _

_ You hate it when you’re reminded because you know it’s true  _

_ Ravi is weaaaaak  _

_ Weaaaaak  _

_ Stop it! Stop it!  _ He firmly pressed his hands on either side of his head, his breathing increasing. 

He wasn’t crazy...he wasn’t crazy. 

Right? 

Or was that what crazy people kept repeating to themselves so they were convinced? 

His phone buzzed-startling him. 

Who could be-oh. It was only Shelby.  _ Fantastic.  _ He’d hoped that she wouldn’t text him but alas, like everything else in his life, it never went the way he would have liked it to. 

_ Hey bestie!  _

_ Are you busy? I’d hate to bother you if you are. I know I get annoyed  _ (He didn’t think it was possible for her to  _ get _ annoyed)  _ when people bother me so if I ever do it to you, just tell me. Whatcha up to? I’m kinda bored. My brother was helping me with my math homework-did you finish it? It’s so hard! Oh and when do you wanna meet up again? I’m done with my paper so all we have to do, I think, is act out our scene. Isn’t that exciting? I can’t wait to do it. I was talking to Isabella and she told me that if you’re nervous, just look ahead at something. Everyone will think you’re looking at them but you’re not. Isn’t that genius? Isabella is so smart. She’s trying to graduate early, I think she will. Emily’s already been told that if she slacks off again she’ll have to do summer school to graduate. She’s had to do it since 8th grade. Have you ever been to summer school? I almost did, for math. Luckily my brother knows it and he’s able to explain it or Isabella, she has too. You probably haven’t, you’re pretty smart.  _

He reread the paragraph twice. Good, Lord. That was unreasonably long. He could, more or less, hear her voice as he read it. 

_ Nothing. I’m doing nothing  _

He hit send. 

_ Are you bored, too? Ooo we should video chat! That’d be fun, don’t you think? I can’t talk for much longer, I have to go to bed in 45 mins but until then, we can talk! Isn’t that great?  _

Fabulous. 

_ I’d rather not _

He would also rather not do anything but wallow in self-pity but he didn’t like waking up to his phone blown up by a large amount of text messages. 

_ That’s okay! We can just text. We should go to my house the next time we have to get together! My parents would love to meet you! Or I can go to your house! Unless you wanna go somewhere else. I’m fine with that too. I dunno about you but I love this project! It’s fun and so is hanging out with you!  _

She was really laying it on a bit thick. He was hardly a pleasure to work with; that was her way of trying to seem like all was fine and dandy. He knew better. 

_ If we must, let’s go to the park  _

He’d find a shaded, secluded area. That way, without many people around, she would have less of a chance at embarrassing him (or increasing the risk of getting kicked out. He was still sore about it). 

_ Okay! Sounds god to me  _

_ Good** dumb autocorrect. Don’t you just hate that? I wanna turn mine off but then I need help spelling lol  _

He didn’t have that problem. Partly due to not receiving many messages, he would carefully read and type to avoid any errors. 

_ I should go. I’m tired  _

It was under a minute later when she replied-seriously, she must have super speed or something. 

_ Aww really? That sucks. I’m kinda tired but not really. We had ice cream after dinner and I had a lot of chocolate syrup so maybe that's why. I dunno. But I wanna do something and I have nothing to do. Don’t you just hate that? It’s dumb. I miss my old house. Me and my friends used to go in the woods all the time. It was so pretty. I saw owls out all the time. Have you ever seen an owl? I wanna take a picture of one but they always move! Ooo sometime you should totally come with me back home! You can meet all my friends! Caleb won’t feel so lonely-he’s the only guy in our group, I think I told you that. I miss them so much. Maybe in the summer or after we graduate, I can go back for a bit. Are you planning on moving once you graduate? I think I will. Maybe not back home but I dunno if I wanna stay in NY forever. That’d be boring, ya know? Maybe I’ll go back to the country. I like it better than the city. It’s nice here but it’s different.  _

His eyes were starting to burn from the light-his room was pitch black except for the light emitting from his cell phone. 

She sent one more message after that. 

_ Goodnight Ravi! I’ll see ya tomorrow!  _

Finally, some silence. 


	13. Chapter 13

He’d lost it, lost all the self-control he’d been preserving. He stormed up to his room, slamming the door behind him so hard it could’ve fallen off the hinges. Ravi didn’t quite know what came over him; it was a feeling of utter  _ rage  _ being doused on him, fueling a fire that had been quietly brewing for some time now after he finally had, after he couldn’t take it anymore and it just boiled over. It was lit; and the result was catastrophic. 

_ He pushed everything off his desk.  _

A loud crash, surrounding his ears; somehow, he managed to remain calm, hardly startled. 

It all landed in a pile for the most part, he inspected it fleetingly. A lone pencil rolled over beside his bed, stopping short just underneath of it. 

As quickly as it came, his fury dissipated. He was left standing there, exhaling out a breath. 

He  _ should  _ have been embarrassed by his outburst; at least the tiniest bit ashamed. Never once did he recall ever succumbing to his ire. He was able to maintain it, put on a façade to shield everyone else from knowing the truth; from knowing how twisted he felt on the inside. 

But that was the thing....he didn’t feel any regret at all. 

_ Because you’re not sorry. You don’t want to be  _

_ I...I should be  _

_ You don’t have to be  _

_ Then what do I do?  _

_ That’s for you to figure out  _

_ ~~  _

The rain was trickling down his window. 

It was happening, on-and-off since yesterday; switching back and forth from a heavy downpour that thudded so loudly against the rooftop that it drowned out all other noise to a dainty sprinkle. 

To his dismay, he was going to have to walk through it on his way to school.  _ If  _ Jessie was sensible enough, she would allow them to take a taxi; it made sense for the circumstance. However, that was not likely to occur. 

Jessie was not known for her sensibility. 

He rolled up the sleeves on his pull-over up to his elbows, adjusting so they didn’t cut off his circulation. His stomach gave a low rumble, pleadingly. He hadn’t....exactly kept up on his nutrition throughout the weekend. He’d excelled at avoiding Jessie and sister, sad to say, that was at the expense of his stomach. He made multiple excuses as to why he couldn’t (more accurately speaking,  _ couldn’t _ ) come down at mealtimes. 

_ What is the point?  _ That thought crossed his mind more than once. If he died of malnutrition by his own hand, so be it. His body would decompose and rot before anyone in the family was aware of it. It was grossly morbid but foreseeable. 

_ You can’t keep thinking that way. It’s like you want to die  _

_ I won’t deny nor will I confirm  _

_ That’s kind of a bad mindset to have  _

_ I am not the only one to have it  _

_ Of course not. But it doesn’t make it okay. You should get some help...some therapy or something  _

_ You must think I’m stupid  _

_ I’m you so in that case, you must think you’re stupid _

_ Stop this nonsense. You’re confusing me  _

_ You’re confusing yourself  _

He fumbled the comb through his unruly hair, thinking it through, wondering if it was worth it to give in and eat some breakfast. It wouldn’t do him any good to pass out at school. 

But... 

He was still sore about the other night and his vexation flared up when he saw either of them. It was difficult to let it go, to forget what happened and forgive them. How could he, when it wasn’t just a one-time occurrence? Ravi  _ always  _ got the short end of the sick; he’d dealt with, and accepted, it for so long that it became his normal. 

Jessie had not paused to remember Zuri’s track record, how she lied to get out of trouble. It was so  _ convenient.  _ She had Jessie wrapped around her finger, whether Jessie knew it (or admitted) or not. She just...took her side, demanding that Ravi apologize when, by all rights, she should have apologized for her behavior, too. How was it fair that Zuri got away with bloody murder while he was supposed to be held up to a higher standard? He was older, yes, but that didn’t mean she should be allowed to act however she pleased with no repercussions! It was hardly fair at all but no one seemed to acknowledge that, no one seemed to care when it was affecting him. 

_ Do you know how whiny you sound right now?  _

_ I am not whining. I am telling the truth. No one cares  _

_ I bet Shelby cares. She’d care if you told her  _

_ I am not telling her anything. It is none of her business  _

_ You can’t keep everything to yourself. One day you’re gonna explode and regret it  _

_ I have already exploded but I do not regret it  _

_ Cute but that was hardly an explosion. So, you let off some steam. Big deal. I mean it, though, one day you’re just gonna let loose and you won’t be able to take it back.  _

_ As if it matters  _

_ Then maybe it doesn’t  _

After that night, after his explosion, Ravi felt....done, for a lack of better wording. He wished he was somewhere else, anywhere but  _ there _ and anywhere Shelby wasn’t. She had a knack for popping out of nowhere, disturbing his peace (though, he was skeptical he had any at all). When his father came to get him, to bring him back to his new family, a new sense of hope, he had been so excited. 

That was a distant memory, one that he resented. 

His eyes came back into focus, after realizing that he’d been staring at his reflection for who knows how long. Blinking irregularly, his hand hovered above the door knob. 

He had to stick to it, first and foremost. He  _ had  _ to follow through with it, without caving into the pressure of what they wanted him to do. Their expectation was for him to drop to his knees and grovel. But Ravi refused; he refused to be as spineless as his younger self had been. He was taking control back, he was changing and it was for the better. 

He was tired of being the punching bag and unable to defend himself without  _ them  _ crying foul. He was tired of indirectly being told to take it with no consideration for how he felt, for what was going on with him. He supposed that by now it probably didn’t matter anymore. If they were going to start caring, it should have been from the start and not after he had to nudge them into doing so.

The hallway was silent, not a sign of life within sight or hearing distance. It meant they were already down in the kitchen (or, in Luke’s case, he might still be sleeping until the last minute when Jessie was hurrying them out the door). 

The wind had picked up outside to an almost intolerable degree. He wasn’t intimidated by much else, not a thunderstorm or threatening flood waters. But when the wind sounded strangled, a piercing screech to an inhumane octave, the anxiety swirled within him so strongly that he had to refrain from covering his ears. 

He sucked in a breath, swallowing. 

He remembered being stuck out there, huddled under a tree that was barely taller than him, the wind was  _ howling _ and debris were flying everywhere, getting caught on houses and the like. 

He remembered having to resort to eating out of a trashcan, the amount of sheer  _ shame  _ he felt when the owner of said trashcan came out and caught him- 

_ This is a new time now _

_ That may be so, but sometimes memories can never be forgotten  _

The bright light from the kitchen peeked out from beneath the door. He pushed it open, seeing that, out of his peripheral vision, his siblings were seated at the table, methodically eating their cereal whilst checking out the latest news on their phone. 

(Their obsession with their electronics was another topic that he felt Jessie should have taken charge of better but that was something to be discussed another day). 

The cabinet door  _ creaked  _ as he took out his cereal of choice, along with a bowl and the jug of milk from the refrigerator. Once he was settled, he sat on a stool, propping his elbows on the countertop. He had no interest in listening to the minimal chatter being said nor did he think they would want him there anyway.

Bertam came out from around the corner, dropping a handful of bags-filled to the brim with food-beside where Ravi was. A few oranges rolled away, almost falling to the floor. As for Bertram, himself, he was panting like a dog on a sweltering day in July and a thin trail of sweat gathered on his forehead. 

Ravi wordlessly offered him a napkin to which he accepted. 

Luke turned around in his chair. “Whoa, bro. What's up with you? I haven’t seen you so breathless since...ever.” 

Bertam scowled when Emma and Zuri giggled. “You’ll have to excuse me. Taking care of you brats is a full time job. I’ve had to the store four times in the past week.” 

“Maybe that’s because you have a snack like, every hour?” Zuri sassed. 

“Yeah,” Emma said. “It’s no wonder we’re starving.” 

Ravi had to hold back a bitter laugh.  _ Starving? You wouldn’t know the first thing about starving. Some of us have faced true hardship while you equate hardship to your favorite nail polish being discontinued.  _

_ You can’t be mad at her. It’s not her fault you went through what you did  _

_ Perhaps not. But I can be incredulous at her obliviousness  _

Bertram seemed to be having the same thought process-sort of. “You kids don’t know the first thing about starving,” he scoffed. 

“Have you tried your cooking?” Zuri asked rhetorically.

She was ignored. “You know, you kids could be grateful for once,” Bertram said as if it was a concept they hadn’t heard of. “You know, be grateful Morgan and Christina can provide for you like they can. Not every kid has a butler that can get them food whenever they want.” 

“Their parents must hate them,” Emma commented. 

Bertram rolled his eyes. When Ravi stood up- just to refill his juice glass- he shoved one of the bags in his arms. “Here, take care of this. You’re not doing anything.” 

_ I am trying to eat _ . Resignedly, Ravi stood there momentarily then went ahead and started to put stuff away. He preferred not to make a fuss or else- 

“Careful, Bertram,” Zuri’s voice sent him on edge as he anticipated her next move, “or Ravi might try to get you in trouble with Jessie.” 

“Heh, I heard about that,” Luke said. “Didn’t he shove you, too?” 

“Mhm,” Zuri crossed her arms, shaking her head like a disappointed parent. 

_ Temper....temper... _

“But that’s okay. I hear Jessie threatened to ground him.” 

“I heard her shouting,” Emma added. “You guys were interrupting my facetime with Rosie.” 

_ Oh for the love of-who cares?  _

“That means you’re the reason Jessie was mad at me!” Luke accused, throwing a glare in Ravi’s direction. “She threatened to ground me  _ again _ .” 

_ That is your own fault. If you would adhere to the rules then maybe Jessie would be more lenient on you. But, seeing as time-and-time again you deliberately make it a point to do the opposite of what she says, you will have negative outcomes and there is no one to blame it on but yourself.  _

“Try not coming home late. See if that helps,” Bertram drawled. 

But no one responded to him. The figurative darts were raised, aiming for Ravi. 

But it certainly didn’t help matters that he felt their eyes boring into his back. It was an antagonization, a way to rile him up enough for him to snap then they could turn the tables, acting as though they were the innocent ones and he’d just overreacted.

“What is wrong with you?” Emma was shaking her head. “Stop acting like a jerk.” 

“And stop upsetting Jessie! I’m tired of being grounded. Mitch is throwing a party this weekend and I wanna go.” 

“And tell us the truth about Friday. We know you weren’t really with a girl.” 

“As if a girl would  _ want  _ to be around him,” Luke said nastily. He then did a terrible impression of Ravi’s accent. “Hi, I’m Ravi Ross. I have one friend and she’s a lizard and once she dies I’ll have no one just like always.” 

The bag slipped from his grip and the contents spilled on the floor. Ravi’s brain didn’t acknowledge Bertram or any other noise going on. He was focused in on Luke; trying not to loose control again. 

He was not a violent person by nature, but at the moment, Ravi wanted to  _ kill him _ . He wanted to wipe off the smug smile, the condescending attitude. 

All of it. 

In a flash, he was right up next to his brother’s face. 

“Oh, you’re not serious,” Luke snickered. “What? You wanna fight me?” 

“I’d pay to see that,” Zuri said to Emma. “Five bucks says Ravi doesn’t make it five minutes.” 

“Ten bucks says he doesn’t make it past two.” 

Their lack of confidence in him only fueled him further. 

“Perhaps I will,” Ravi said hotly. 

“ _ Biiiiig  _ mistake, little bro.” 

“I am not your bro,” Ravi hissed. “As a matter of fact, I am hardly your brother at all.” 

“Oh, great,” Luke sneered, “finally, something we can agree on.” 

“ _ Shut up! _ ” 

“I hate you!” 

“I wish you were never adopted!’ 

“Ditto!” 

“What is going on?” Jessie made an appearance, looking from his sisters to Bertram. 

“Ravi’s fighting Luke,” Zuri told her. 

“Yeah. He got mad at us for nothing.” 

“Really? And you didn’t think to do anything about it, Bertram?” 

Said butler simply shrugged. “As long as there’s no blood shed, I think we’re good.” 

“No, we’re not good,” Jessie went over and pulled them apart, holding on to both of them by the back of their collars. “Guys, stop it! You both know better.” 

As always, Luke had to get the last word in there. “It wasn’t me,” he said defensively, “he started it!” He pointed a finger at Ravi. “ _ He  _ came at me, first!” 

“I don’t care who started it. I’m ending it. Ravi, apologize to your brother now. I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’ve had it. I’m not gonna tolerate this kind of behavior, is that clear?" Jessie demanded. 

His glare was hateful but he otherwise didn't offer up a response. 

" _ Is that clear _ ?" 

Luke didn't bother to hide his smirk (which added to all of...this). 

This was just like Friday night. It didn't matter that they'd instigated it. It never did. And now, with everyone eying him disdainfully as if it was his fault that global warming existed, he just.... 

He just wanted to get away at this point. 

Maybe he would find people to actually appreciate him. 

_ Fat chance at that  _

"Yes," he swallowed back what he truly wanted to say, "yes, it is clear." 

Jessie was about to say something else when she tore her eyes away from Ravi and onto the groceries that were currently on the floor. "Who did this?" 

"It was Ravi!" His siblings said quickly. 

Jessie waved her hands around, spluttering. Ravi groaned internally. He should have put them down on the counter instead of just dropping them. 

"Pick them up," she said shrilly (which, he learned, was a sign that she was thoroughly upset). "Pick them up  _ now  _ and apologize to Luke." 

"What about me?" Zuri piped up. "Ravi hasn't said sorry for shoving me." 

"And Zuri," Jessie agreed. 

Ravi's chest  _ burned.  _ She wasn't serious- 

"I am not playing with you, Ravi. If you think you are above the rules, you are mistaken. You're grounded. One week." 

_ I cannot believe this  _

_ Well....you did test her patience  _

_ So does Luke! So does Zuri! She is far easier on both of them than me! This is hardly fair at all.  _

"Whoa, guess Ravi isn't such a goody-goody after all," Luke whispered to Zuri. 

Ravi lowered his eyes to the floor, keeping his face emotionless. 

"I want your phone and your computer," Jessie told him. 

"I need them for school," Ravi said quietly. "Shelby and I are still working on our project." 

"Fine. Only for school and I'm taking all your books then. No reading for fun and no TV."

He shrugged. Neither of those things brought him much pleasure nowadays anyway. 

Jessie was growing flustered by the way he was reacting, or technically, by the way he  _ wasn’t  _ reacting. He didn’t have to work hard at it; not after what he dealt with on a daily basis. But, she was oblivious whether it was intentional or not, so to think that the Ravi she  _ thought  _ she knew was acting this way just astounded her. 

“Ooooh,” Zuri was evidently enjoying the spectacle. “He’s gonna get it.” 

Emma and Luke’s gaze was flickering back and forth from Ravi to Jessie. Just like they were watching a fascinating movie in the theater. 

“Okay, I don’t know what's gotten into you but this ends now, Ravi. Do you understand me? If you need to talk to someone, fine, I don’t have a problem with that but you do  _ not _ get to treat us like this. You know better. Morgan and Christina raised you better than this. What do you think they would say to you, right now?” 

_ They would be far too busy to care. Like always. Work is apparently more important, as is anyone else that isn’t me  _

“I don’t know.” 

It was a cop-out. An utter lie. Jessie was wholly aware of it as well, or, she should be. Their parents wouldn’t even have addressed the issue unless one of his siblings made a great big fuss over it. Otherwise, they might say, halfheartedly,  _ don’t do that _ or  _ Why don’t you have a talk with your father?  _ His dad would be strongly encouraged to by their mother, only to fumble with his words horribly then leave and Ravi would be more confused and alone than ever. 

“I think you do,” Jessie scolded. “They would be very disappointed in you.” 

“Heh, that’s usually what Jessie says to me,” Luke mused. 

No one acknowledged that. 

Jessie rolled her eyes, continuing. “My point is, none of this is okay. I don’t understand why you’re acting out all of the sudden. You can tell us, we won’t judge you,” she tossed a quick glance in Luke’s direction, correcting herself, “ _ Most  _ of us won’t judge you.” 

“Thank you for your concern, but I am fine. I assure you,” he didn’t feel like eating anymore. He bent down, starting to pick the fallen groceries and put the rest away. 

“Ravi, I’m serious. Talk to us. We’re your family.” 

_ You are no family of mine _

“Fine,” she snapped after she gave him a few seconds to say something and he did not. She took a hold of his arm, yanking him away from what he was doing and in that moment, the world just  _ stopped.  _ His blood ran cold, pounding in his ears. Jessie, his siblings, Bertram, were all nonexistent. 

_ “What do you think you’re doing?” his daddy yanked him by the arm, pulling him up close to his face.  _

_ Ravi was terrified.  _

_ He couldn’t speak.  _

_ “ANSWER ME!”  _

“Ravi!” Jessie gave him a little shake. He came back to reality. “Are you even listening to me?” 

“Yes,” he said, dazedly. 

She didn’t noticed. 

She pushed him forward a bit, gesturing with her free hand as a silent  _ well?  _

“I’m...” he saw that he was most definitely not getting out of it. “Sorry.” 

“Ravi,” Jessie said unhappily. “Mean it.” 

_ I can’t  _

“I’m sorry,” he fixed it. 

“For?” she prompted. 

_ Nothing because I did nothing  _

_ Wellllll you did try to fight Luke  _

_ I was provoked! And anyway, I wouldn’t have actually fought him. I’m not stupid  _

“For treating you all badly,” he finished flatly. “It won’t happen again.” 

“Good,” Jessie seemed satisfied. Shelooked at the clock. “Guys, it’s getting late. Get your stuff and Luke don’t procrastinate. If I hear that you’ve gotten one more tardy, I’m telling your parents.” 

Ravi was on the way out when Zuri stepped out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. 

“There, now was that so hard?” 


	14. Chapter 14

Ravi was in a foul mood. 

Had someone actually cared enough to talk to him, to stop him in his tracks, he might have gone off on them. Politeness was forgotten at that point. His self-control was hanging by a thread, a thread that was on its last end, that had been stretched to the breaking point. 

It was beyond some mild irritation, beyond some stunt that Luke pulled. He was absolutely livid. 

He should have known, really, that in the end, Jessie was going to make him apologize to Zuri; he should have known that at some point, she was going snap from all the crap she was receiving and break. Naturally, her anger and exhaustion was going to be directed at him despite him having little to do with it. It wasn’t as if she would think  _ logically  _ for once and go to the ( _ actual)  _ source and take care of it. No, she exploded on  _ him _ ; a fact that he was still somewhat bitter about. 

Scratch that. He was completely bitter and had good reason to be! 

_ Do you? Do you really?  _

_ Absolutely! She is being ridiculously unfair and I, for one, am sick of it. I should not have to put up with this  _

_ That’s called life  _

_ Well I am sick of that as well! Why should I have to carry the burdens of someone else’s sins while my own wrong doings are treated as though I have committed a devious crime?  _

_ Shouldn’t you be asking Jessie that?  _

_ Ugghhhhh  _

If he had any sort of hope that she would see things from his point of view, he might have went out on a whim and confronted her before it was time to leave for school. He might have poured his heart out to her for the slim chance of her realizing what she had been doing this whole time and they would share a hug with the fierce promise that she would do better and he would promise he would communicate more often- 

But he wasn’t an idiot. 

It was real life that he was dealing with; not some sappy sitcom where the main issue was over and done within a thirty-minute time slot. 

Jessie was still of the mindset that it was Ravi that had instigated the fight and refused to listen to his attempts at explaining the truth. 

Why was everyone else given a chance their side of the story, but when it came to Ravi, he was promptly shut out? It was favoritism at its finest. 

Ravi slammed the door to his locker harder than need be. He’d walked well ahead of his siblings on their way to school that morning, determined not to stay around long enough for them to antagonize him. His blood was still boiling from the scene in the kitchen and he did not want a repeat of that, especially not out in public where it could be uploaded to the internet for all eyes to witness. 

That didn’t stop Luke or Zuri from talking about him, though. They hadn’t even bothered to lower their voices and as a result, he’d heard them discussing his...episode. His ears strained to catch everything between all of the noisy cars and sirens and people chatting on their cell phones as they made the commute to work. 

Faintly, partly due to his subtle halt in his walking, purposefully slowing down so as they were closer (neither of them paid any attention or if they did, they didn’t verbalize it), he heard something that Zuri said that only worsened his mood. She had known that Jessie was going to force him to apologize, only not exactly in that circumstance. She had gone to Jessie the night before just after they were all supposed to be tucked in their beds, pretending that Ravi’s lack of apology had really gotten to her and even threw in a few fake tears for added effect. She and Luke laughed. 

He should have known. He should have known she would seize an opportunity to make him look bad. And for what? What sort of entertainment did she get from doing it? It wasn’t fair. Out of all the families he could’ve been placed with....why did it have to be them? 

He could’ve gotten siblings that cared for him, that he could be close with. 

Instead, things were different. Things were far from the life he envisioned for himself. 

He was nearly all the way down the hallway, keeping his head down low except to look out for anyone coming his way. He didn’t see Shelby rush up behind him and put her hands over his eyes; though he did have a clue, the scent of vanilla reached his nose, she always wore that. 

_ Now you know what she smells like. Interesting  _

_ How is that interesting? It is not hard to guess. She always wears it. I’m simply stating a fact  _

_ Of course you are  _

“Guess whoooo?” she giggled into his ear. 

Ravi cringed at how close she was; he wiggled out of her arms, turning to face her with increasing aggravation. “Must you do that?” his voice came out sharper than he’d intended for it to be. “You may tolerate your personal space being invaded but I do not and I would appreciate if yiu respected that. Please, keep away from me.” 

“Oops, sorry,” she grinned, her arms dropping to her side. “Sometimes I forget you’re not so touchy-touchy. Emily got like that. She got  _ so  _ grumpy when I hugged her. Do you like being hugged? I do! It feels so good. Caleb only let me hug him from the side. I’m glad he’s not super tall. That would’ve been weird, ya know? But he’s kinda short, for a guy anyway. He’s around my height. His brother picks on him for it but he just ignores him.” She took a glance at him, from his head to his feet. “We’re close, too! I bet if I stood behind you, we’d be head-to-head. Wanna see?” she was going to move but he held his hands out to stop her. 

“No,” he said flatly, unamused by her absurd stories. “I don’t care to.” 

“Okay,” she chirped. “That’s fine. Have you decided when we’ll work on our project again?” 

“Not exactly.” He hadn’t thought about it at all. He’d been so consumed by his anger toward Jessie and Zuri, everything else was nonexistent. “Perhaps today or tomorrow.” 

“Okay!” she repeated. “Are we still going to the park?” 

“I believe so, yes.” 

‘Which one? Central park or the one by my apartment? I don’t care, whichever one you wanna do. I just gotta text my dad and tell him where I’m going. Do you have to tell Jessie or does she let you guys do whatever you want? Emily’s parents are super strict and sometimes she go somewhere without telling them just to annoy them. I didn’t think that was a good idea but Emily’s pretty stubborn. She doesn’t like to be told what to do.” 

_ Sounds familiar  _

“I think we’ll manage just fine going to Central Park,” Ravi cut in before she could launch into another spiel. “Besides, it is supposed to be hot this week and I doubt either of us should be walking around out there for long periods of time.” 

They could take a taxi, he had the money to do so. He wasn’t going to suggest that; he wanted to remain as far away from there as he could. Even worse was the image of them being crammed into the car; Shelby would find some excuse to touch him. 

He cringed, again. 

“It’s not gonna be that bad,” Shelby countered, stepping aside for one of the popular girls (at least, he assumed she was popular. She’d been seen with Mitch and Luke before) to walk around them. The girl glared at Shelby, muttering something to her friend and they both snickered. It reminded him of his siblings and he-for some reason-wasn’t happy with it.

He frowned. 

“Oooh and I have an idea!” She clapped her hands together with glee (she must not have paid attention to the girl or chose to ignore it. Either was plausible). “When we’re done, we could use the playground! I love the swings and monkey bars, don’t you? Wouldn’t that just be  _ so  _ fun? I haven’t been to the park yet, I can’t wait to go!” 

_ Is there anything this girl  _ **_doesn’t_ ** _ regard as fun?  _

_ Brussel sprouts, maybe?  _

_ I doubt it. She would probably make a game out of it and it would be  _ **_so_ ** _ fun!  _

_ You don’t have to mock her  _

_ I will do as I please  _

She paused to smile at him, again. Her dimples were showing and her teeth; it was a type of smile that some could become lost in if they happened to be infatuated with her. But Ravi was smarter than that and he was not impressed. 

“I’m really glad we’re partners,” she put her hands on each of his arms and squeezed gently. 

He fought the urge to pull away, to escape the needless touching. Why couldn't she just leave him alone and respect that he wanted his space? Was it so hard to understand? He didn't think it was. 

"....Aren't you?" He suddenly tuned in and blinked. 

"Excuse me?" 

Everything she had said just went over his head. Ravi couldn't have said whether she actually spoke or not. He did that; he zoned out (sometimes it was unintentional, sometimes it wasn't). 

"You're happy about being partners, aren't you? I know I am! It's better to be partners with your friend, isn't it? Much better than someone you don't know, then the work doesn't feel like work. You know what I mean?" 

_ How can I when you stop to breathe?  _

_ Well, she has a good set of lungs on her  _

"Yes," he said warily- to all of her questions. Better stick to that instead of trying to explain that he actually  _ didn't  _ want to be her partner, that he had every second of it and was counting down the minutes until the project was done. 

She would smile and somehow be alright with it and he couldn't take it. Couldn't take anymore of that ridiculous smile- 

"So, are you having a good day?" She asked him as they started to walk again (Ravi had enough of the pointed looks and she had followed....of course). 

"It's fine," he replied shortly. 

He didn't wish to....she wouldn't get it. He refused to divulge, especially to  _ her.  _

"Do you need a hug?" She asked with a wide smile. "I think you need a hug. You look a little glum." 

Ravi moved away (which he couldn't exactly do as much as he would have preferred to- it was a narrow hallway), eyeing her suspiciously as if she would tackle him and knowing Shelby, she would. "Do not touch me." 

"You're like my brother!" She exclaimed. "He doesn't like hugs either and neither did Emily. She used to threaten me whenever I did it. Isn't that something? I think she was joking, though. I can't imagine anyone getting mad over a hug, can you?" 

_ I can because I am not ignorant to anyone else's feelings  _

_ Now you're just being harsh  _

_ Anyone that is similar to her deserves it. The world does not revolve around her and her beliefs  _

_ Stop taking your anger out on her. She isn't Zuri or Jessie  _

_ You're correct. She is worse  _

"No," he put as much as sarcasm as he could into that one word. He hoped she would catch on but it became apparent that she was not the type of person to understand hints. 

She nodded. "Right. Emily's kinda grumpy sometimes so she used to threaten everyone, especially Caleb. They're like a married couple. Ooo, I wonder if they like each other. Wouldn't that be  _ so  _ cute? I think so. They would be adorable and totally unexpected. I'll have to ask Caleb about it. If I ask Emily, she'll yell at me and she can yell pretty loud. I've heard her." 

_ If I yell, will you go away?  _

"Wait, I need to stop at my locker," she told him, sneaking in through the gap in the traffic. Ravi only came with her because he just knew if he didn't, she would do something embarrassing. 

Like shout his name as he was walking away. 

He shuddered. 

Shelby opened up her locker and he immediately came face-to-face with a picture of her dog that was taped to the side of the door. It was a golden retriever and had not yet gotten out of its puppy stage. 

Despite how annoying its owner was, Ravi thought the dog was adorable. 

"That's Chewie," Shelby obviously noticed him staring. "He's so cute, isn't he? He's just a few weeks old. I love him so much. I've never had a dog before. My brother and I had to beg our parents for one. My dad's allergic and didn't want a pet but my brother and I convinced him and we got Chewie for Christmas!" 

"Why did you name him Chewie?" He couldn't stop himself from asking. 

Shelby seemed utterly thrilled that he was taking an interest into her personal life. "Funny story, when we got him, we were eating those chocolate chip chewy cookies and I just knew that would be a perfect name. Isn't it clever? I just changed the spelling." 

"Fascinating," he said but didn't mean it. 

"I  _ know  _ right?" 

_ Lord help me get through this conversation  _

Well, he took a peek at the contents of her locker and could report that-on the plus side- to wasn't as messy as some of the others (Luke's, namely). She kept things in a neat order, excluding a few half empty water bottles. In addition to that, he spied about three science books that he was quite certain didn't pertain to a class. "Those are science books." 

_ Way to state the obvious  _

"Yeah," she said with a slight giggle. 

"Why are you reading those?" He knew he was being nosy but screw it. "I did not take you for someone that had an interest in science." 

“Of course! Science is fascinating. But I’m not very good,” she sighed heavily-more so dramatically. “It’s pretty confusing, kinda like math. No, wait, math’s worse. What do you think? You said you were decent at math, though.” 

There was a spot in the corner of her right lens that was driving him crazy. Did not she see it? She’d of had to, it was right within the range of her vision. He would think she would have enough sense to clean it off before class. 

He was going to say something...then hesitated. 

_ Are you scared?  _

_ NO! I just..  _

_ You’re scared, of what, I don’t know  _

_ Nothing  _

“Shelby,” he interjected and he ignored how her face lit up. Usually she did most of the talking. “I suggest you clean your glasses off, there is a spot right there,” he pointed toward it without getting close enough to smudge up the lens. 

“Oh, I know.” 

_ Then why haven’t you cleaned it?  _

“I’m waiting till I get to class,” she told him, smiling at someone he didn’t know by name but she apparently did. “It’s kinda messy.” 

“Do you use the wipes or the spray?” He didn’t  _ why  _ he seemingly cared but, by giving in and talking to her (even despite her insane chattering), it was slowly ebbing away his anger. 

_ That’s interesting  _

_ What is?  _

_ Shelby’s making you feel better  _

_ She isn’t. I am. I don’t want to be angry in class. I must focus _

_ You really won’t admit to anything, will you?  _

“The spray if I’m at home and wipes if I’m out. I hate the smell, don’t you? Well, I guess you haven’t had to smell it if no one you know uses it. Does anyone in your family have glasses? My dad does for reading but I’m the only one that wears them all the time. My brother calls me four eyes. I think it’s funny. I didn’t used to; I thought he was being kinda mean but I don’t anymore. I always try to look on the bright side. I think it’s very importent. Now I know he’s just trying to be funny.” 

_ It wouldn’t hurt  _ **you** _ to look on the bright side either  _

_ Why would I do that when there is no bright side?  _

_ There is if you believe there is  _

_ Well, I don’t believe there is and I won’t waste time in a fantasy land when I can stay grounded in reality _

“I see,” he said. “That’s, err, nice to hear. I think.” 

“Oh yes,” she said with a slight bounce in her step. “But, you know, you never answered my question.” 

“What question?” 

“Well,” she paused to think, “I suppose I didn’t  _ really  _ ask you. I said you looked glum. What’s wrong? Did someone upset you? Are you nervous for class? Is there anything I can do to help? Because I wanna help. I hate it when my friends are upset, it’s so sad. Like a dog dying in a movie. Oh, I didn’t mean to compare you to a dog-not  _ like  _ that. I just mean they’re both sad.” 

He waited until she was quiet (and momentarily relished in the blissful peace). “I am fine.” 

_ No, you’re not  _

“No, you’re not,” she wasn’t convinced. “I can tell. I can see it in your eyes. They’re very expressive, did you know? Something’s wrong. You wanna talk about it? I’ll listen, I promise I will. I’ll be quiet until you’re done.” 

He doubted as much. 

And besides, he was aware of a few nosy ears that had perked up after hearing her pled with him. Ravi wasn’t stupid enough to say anything to  _ her  _ and out in the open, least of all. 

“That’s quite alright. We should get to class. We don’t want to be late.” 

“We have ten minutes, don’t worry!” 

_ Great  _

“You really shouldn’t hold it in,” she continued. She really must have thought highly of herself, as if she was a certified therapist with Ravi as her patient. “If you do, you’ll just  _ explode  _ one day.” She made a gesture with a noise. 

“I mean this with no offense intended.”  _ That’s a lie.  _ “But you you do not know me. There’s no guarantee that I shall explode.” 

_ Then what was that lovely scene in the living room? The kitchen? Letting off some steam?  _

_ I will admit I lost my temper for a second but that is hardly the same thing  _

_ It would be if Jessie didn’t come in  _

_ No it wouldn’t have! _

“Of course, I know you. We’re besties. Besties always know each other. Besides, you don’t have to know a person well to know that. It’s elementary, my dear Watson.” 

He rolled his eyes. 

“And I suppose you’re going to be looking into a career as a psychiatrist?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I’d be good at it, I’m sure but I don’t think it’s for me, ya know? I want something fun, something exciting.” 

_ Well, I’m terribly sorry that actual work doesn’t fit your idea of “fun”  _

She nudged him playfully. “You keep changing the subject. That just  _ proves  _ that there’s something wrong.” 

_ She’s got you _

“You’re mistaken,” he reacted defensively. 

“I don’t think I am. You fit the criteria.” 

_ “What criteria?”  _

She grinned and went into the classroom. Ravi stood there, befuddled. 

_ What criteria?  _


	15. Chapter 15

_Jessie, Shelby and I are going to Central Park to work on our project, I will be back in time for dinner_

_Nice of you to ask....fine but your phone is mine as soon as you get home. You can have it for school_ **_only_ **

He could practically feel her bite within the minimal words. 

_I understand_

~~ 

“Oh, my gosh!” Shelby was in awe of the beauty of the park (which Ravi didn’t regard as ‘beauty’ but he supposed it was a matter of opinion). “This is so pretty? Do you come here a lot? I think I would if I lived close enough. I’d come by everyday. Do you have any friends here? Do you have a man that feeds squirrels? Back home, we had a guy who did that. He was so sweet; he’s my grandpa’s age. I talked to him everyday. He was a soldier in world war two, isn’t that cool? He didn’t really have any family so he used to come over to our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas and told my brother and I the coolest stories. I’m kinda sad he couldn’t come with us. I tried asking mom and dad but Mr. Earnest said he was too old to move. That’s okay, though. I asked Caleb and his family if they would let Mr. Earnest come over for the holiday’s and they said yes! Emily and Isabella’s family said he could come to their house, too. Isn’t that neat? I’d hate for him to be all alone, you know?” 

_Well, you can’t say she’s selfish_

_Yes, alright. That is the_ **_only_ ** _redeeming quality she has. I still think of her as a nuisance_

_A ‘nuisance’ that cares, evidently_

“You brought him home? Didn’t your parents question it?” He knew he was being pessimistic but screw it. He couldn’t very well imagine that they were just simply _okay_ with it and didn’t see any red flags about their daughter bringing home a stranger from the park. 

“Not really,” she was looking around, ooing and aweing at everything like some small child that was taken to a new store they hadn’t been to before. “They didn’t mind. They’re pretty chill, you know? Mr. Earnest and dad like the same football team and did you know, Mr. Earnest is good at cooking? He and mom made her a special Christmas surprise. It was _so_ good!” 

_So you could have brought him a serial killer but it would’ve been okay because he knew football and his way around the kitchen?_

_Wow, what crawled up your skirt? You have something negative to say every time she talks_

_I’m being realistic! She was being irresponsible and needlessly put her family in danger and her parents didn’t care! Some people should not have children and they are a prime example_

_I think you’re overreacting. She was doing a good deed_

_A ‘good deed’ that could have gotten them killed_

“I see,” he said with displeasure. “That’s nice.” 

She didn’t say anymore about ‘Mr. Earnest’ as she fully focused on finding them a spot. “How about over there?” She pointed to an empty spot that was adjacent to the playground. Ravi didn’t fancy hearing the children scream or fight or increase his chances of getting hit with a flying ball that would inevitably come their way. 

“I think not,” he said firmly. 

“How come?” she blinked, her innocent eyes seeming wider. They had that impression when she was confused or in an extremely happy mood-which, ironic enough, wasn’t that different from her everyday mood. 

“You _really_ don’t know why?” 

“If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked, silly,” she smiled, poking his cheek and giggled. 

An elderly woman and her husband passed by them, in the direction of the exit. He heard the woman remarking to her husband that _they were such a darling couple_. 

That was twice now. 

Twice someone had mistaken them for a couple. 

He was gobsmacked. Did they really appear so? It was absurd, ridiculous, unfathomable and any other word he could think of. 

He eyed her, growing uncomfortable by the minute. “Do not do that,” he said, his voice unnaturally high. 

“Do what?” she tilted her head to the side. 

“Touch me!” his voice was now snippish. “I have said time and time again that I do not wish to be touched.” 

“Okay, okay,” she put her hands up in mock surrender (although she did nothing to wipe the smile from her face. It was strange for a human to be happy like Shelby was and that was an underestimate). “I’m sorry. You know I don’t mean any harm. I just love you-as a _friend_ ,” she clarified, grinning at his incredulous expression. 

He sighed in relief. 

_Thank heavens on that_

_What? You don’t want Shelby to love you?_

_Absolutely not. Romance would only complicate matters. I do not need that. Besides, I hardly would believe she would be genuine. No girl has ever confessed to liking me and unfortunately it will stay that way_

_You really are a pessimist. Lighten up. Don’t be so serious. Shelby could be the change that you need_

“A friend,” he repeated faintly. “Right.” 

Shelby took off her glasses, rubbing at her eyes with her other hand. “You’re the bestest friend ever, you know that?” He stared. She continued. “I just feel like you need to hear that.” 

“ _Okay_.” 

“Does that make you happy? I like making my friends happy. I like seeing them smile. I wish you would smile more, your smile is so pretty; just like your eyes. Has anyone told you that?” 

No one had. She was officially the first. But they were nothing special. 

_You mean....like green?_

_I suppose...but that makes sense. Brown is a common eye color. It is nothing to compliment_

_She seems to differ_

Shelby was waiting for him to answer. Ravi hadn’t realized she was being _serious_. “No,” he eventually said. “I’m afraid not.” 

She came a bit closer (after she’d _just_ backed away upon his insistence), giving him the same admiring look she’d given when they arrived at the park. “Well, they should.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“They should compliment you,” she told him, almost musingly. “Compliments are nice. They make you feel good. You deserve to feel good.” 

Ravi got a _very_ creepy feeling. Did-did she know? It was like she could see through him and saw his deepest thoughts. Her smile was gentle, kind of knowing in a wise way (which was the _last_ way he’d ever think of Shelby). 

“I-thank you?” he was confused. “I suppose...” 

_What was that?_

~~ 

They found a spot under a nice shady tree. It was secluded, away from the chaos although they could still see everyone and everything that was going on. A few people were coming down the sidewalk, walking their dogs with their earphones in their ears, bopping a bit to whatever noise was going off in their head. 

The playground was filled with rambunctious children (including one that seemed adamant on going first on the slide _every_ time). A few feet away, there was a couple throwing a frisbee back and forth, giggling at each other's lack of ability to catch. 

Ravi glanced at them and everyone else in the surrounding area. It was an occasional habit to people watch. His curiosity got the best of him. 

All the while, he tried to keep himself cool by placing a water bottle on his forehead; it had previously been frozen but in mere minutes was reduced to a dripping mess. Although it did feel good so he couldn't complain much. 

_You'd find a way to. You always complain_

_Not all the time. That's an exaggeration_

_Hardly_

Shelby was beside him, sitting Indian style and keeping a distance as instructed. All their papers were laying about on the ground, but she was no longer looking at them like she had been just seconds before. She was picking at the blades of grass that were swaying; there must have been a tiny breeze somewhere, of which Ravi couldn't feel at all. 

His eyes were closed. He was beginning to feel tired; he blamed it on the heat, sucking out his energy. At the moment, he didn’t feel very much like working on the project. He’d rather be in his bed, resting. 

“Are you okay?” Shelby was leaning over, peering over her glasses. “Are you getting too hot? Should we go inside somewhere? Oooh! You saaid you lived close, didn’t you? We could go to your house? That’d be fun!” 

“No,” he said with a touch of sleepiness. “I’m fine. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.” 

That, he learned, was a mistake to say. 

“Why’s that? Did anyone bother you? That one guy must hate you and I’m not sure why-you know the one that shoved you? Do you know him? Does he have a good family? If he’s being mean, he might not. My dad always says ‘hurt people hurt people’ and I agree. If someone hurt him he’s obviously taking it out on you. Isn’t that sad? Oooh! Maybe you should bake him cookies or muffins! Tell him you wanna be friends!” 

_And she really believes that is a viable solution..._

He simply did not have words for how _stupid_ that idea was. 

“I did that once,” she said. 

“And let me guess, you two are best friends now?” he said sarcastically. 

“Nope,” she shook her head. “She dumped my cookies in the trash and told me to get lost.” 

“....And you somehow think it will work for me?” 

“Maybe,” she said optimistically. “There’s no harm in trying!” 

_Oh, there is definitely harm_

She nudged him. “ _Sooo_?” 

“So what?” 

“Aren’t you gonna do it?” 

“ _No_.” 

“Aww.” 

“I do not feel like getting beat up,” he muttered. 

“I’m sure they wouldn’t do that.” She had too much faith in them, naive faith. 

“You clearly do not know the jocks of this school.” 

“You never know,” she softly scolded him (if it could even be considered a scold). “What if they’re just misunderstood?” 

_Yes, what if Mitch is just understood?_

_Misunderstood?? He’s abhorrent, the very definition of evil_

_Now_ **_you’re_ ** _exaggerating_

_I am not! Normal people do not spend their time terrorizing others_

“You _must_ be joking,” he was speechless. “Please tell me you are joking?” 

“No,” she seemed momentarily confused. “Why would I be? My dad says-” 

“Hurt people hurt people,” he finished. “Yes, I heard you the first time. But what does that have to do with them being ‘misunderstood’?” 

“If everyone expects them to do bad then they will do it. I don’t know much about that guy but I don’t think he’s a bad person. Maybe he’s dealing with something at home.” 

_You have no room to speak. You haven’t been around him until this year_

“I think that’s an excuse,” he said harshly. “I can tell you _right now_ that a bad home life isn’t an excuse to bully others.” 

The breeze picked up, strangely enough. The papers were starting to stir; Shelby carefully placed a pebble at the top of each one to prevent it from flying off. She didn’t answer until she was done. 

“No, it isn’t,” she said in an agreeable tone. “But-” Ravi didn’t _want_ to hear a but, to hear a justification that shouldn’t have been said in the first place. He was through with it; Jessie lamely justified Luke’s atrocious behavior constantly, he did not want to hear it from Shelby, too since she hadn’t been around to witness most of it. “It would make sense. Maybe he’s taking it out on you because you’re smaller.” 

_As if we weren’t already aware_

He glared at her, suppressing how he’d really like to throttle her and scream that _she didn’t understand_ and wouldn’t ever understand. She just didn’t _get_ it; she didn’t live his life, the past or the present, so she was virtually clueless. “That is not an excuse,” he repeated tersely. 

He flipped through his notebook forcefully, nearly tearing one page off. He’d ceased to be rational at this point, allowing the tiniest sauce of irritation to overwhelm him. He wanted to go _home_ and sit in his air conditioned bedroom instead of sitting under a blasted tree in the sweltering heat with a nimrod that missed the memo about basic human decency.

It didn’t escape him that he was under Shelby’s watchful gaze. She was studying him, waiting to see what he would do next; waiting to see if he’d still be as angry. Neither of them spoke in the meantime. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the world carried on. A few heads had turned in their direction as a result of hearing Ravi’s incensed voice but after seeing that there wasn’t going to be a huge scene worth watching (or filming), they went on with whatever they had been already doing. 

Shelby opened up the _Romeo and Juliet_ book to the particular scene in which they were going to reenact, in a deliberately opposing way that he’d been with his notebook. 

She was mocking him. 

Taunting him. 

_You’re so paranoid_

“I understand, you know,” the words were said in a softer voice, almost reminicingly. 

_Here we go._ “What do you mean you understand?” he was suspicious at where she was going with this. 

“I’ve been bullied, too,” she shrugged. “It sucks but I know what it feels like.” 

“Then you should not be making excuses and telling me that they’re simply misunderstood,” he argued. “They’re aware of their actions and will never be held accountable if you keep justifying them.” 

“I’m not justifying them,” she said calmly (it seemed rather odd to hear it, without the bursting excitement he had begrudgingly grown used to). 

“Then what _are_ you doing?” he asked exasperatedly. 

“Looking for the good.” He stared, perplexed. “Have you ever read Anne Frank’s diary? She says in spite of everything, she still believes that people are good at heart.” 

“But that is not true,” he interjected. “There are many people- _criminals_ -that are truly evil and heartless. It’s naive to think otherwise.” 

“Of course there is. But that doesn’t mean we should stop believing in people,” she smiled again but it was different from the rest; like she was truly at peace. 

It was a nice sentiment but hardly one that was realistic. 

_Because not everyone deserves to have someone believe in them_

_I don’t_

“I don’t,” the whisper was said without thinking, without remembering that Shelby was seated right beside him. She tilted her head to the side, a look of puzzlement. 

“You don’t, what?” she waited exactly three seconds and then she spoke again. “Ravi?” 

He snapped out of it, a crimson blush sweeping over his features. “Nothing,” he muttered, feigning interest in the heat-stained grass, shifting his position and tucking his legs underneath of him. “It is nothing. Please, let us just get started.” 

But Shelby wasn’t taking his non-committal answer; she was smart enough to notice that his odd behavior wasn’t just a result of _nothing._ “What’s wrong? Are you dehydrated? I have some water in my backpack. It’s not cold anymore but it’ll do, right? Or are you upset about something? Did _I_ upset you? Was it something I said? Because I didn’t mean to if I did. You know that, right? I hope you don’t think I’m being too nosy; I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Okay?” 

Her chirpy voice was only adding to the tension headache that was forming. Was she so oblivious that she didn’t know that by continuously talking, continuously being so obnoxious that she was contributing to his worsening mood and not actually _helping_ him like she apparently wanted to? 

_Don’t explode, don’t explode..._

_I can’t believe you’re getting so worked up over nothing_

_It is not nothing! She’s driving me crazy! I cannot take it anymore_

_Didn’t you already say that?_

_Most likely, but it’s the truth! If she really wants to help me, she can start by being quiet!_

“I am fine,” he said firmly. “Please, let us get started. I would like to get something done before I must be on my way.” _Which cannot come soon enough._

He picked up the _Romeo and Juliet_ book, intending on reading over the friar scene once again, only for Shelby to pluck it from his hands and set it over on her side. “ _Excuse me-”_

“You’re excused,” she giggled. “Sorry, I used to say that to Emily a lot. Funny thing is, she always got annoyed.” 

“ _No.”_

“Yeah,” she said, not picking up on his sarcasm and deliberate flat tone. “She’s usually in a bad mood, though. I dunno why. She told us it’s not her fault because everyone makes her mad.” _I can relate to that._ “Isabella usually told her she needed to take some responsibility. _That’s_ when they’d usually start arguing.” 

“What is your point?” he said rudely. He was fed up of listening. “Because I don’t see one. We have a project to finish and you’re just telling stories and wasting my time.” 

“It’s not wasting your time,” she disagreed. “It’s helping you.” 

He scoffed. 

“I fail to see how.” 

“If I talk about something else, you’ll forget what’s making you upset,” she grinned, tapping on her temple. “See, I’m smart. I learned that from Caleb. He does that with his brother and sister.” 

_Well that’s good for him_

_You’re cranky_

“That’s all very nice,” but he didn’t mean it. “But I don’t want to hear any stories. I _want_ to finish this project.” He let out a puff of air, frustrated. 

“If you’re sure,” she shrugged as she handed him the book back. “But I don’t think you do.” 

He crossed his arms. “What are you getting at?” 

“You don’t _really_ wanna work on it; you just want me to stop talking about you being upset. You probably just wanna forget or try to, anyway.” 

“You’re wrong,” he was taken aback by her perception. He shook it off. _Lucky guess. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about._ “You’re wrong,” he repeated for good measure. 

“ _Am_ I?” 

“Yes!” he was getting a little unnerved. 

“Okay,” she accepted it. She flipped open her own book. “What act is it?” 

Baffled, Ravi didn’t know how to react. _She’s messing with me! This is a game to her, isn’t it? It must be._

_I think you’re overthinking it_

She thought she was innocent, thought that he wasn’t going to see right through her facade, through the game she _thought_ she was expertly playing.

“Ravi?” She waved a hand in front of his face. “What act is it?” 

“Act five, scene two,” he was inwardly counting backwards, trying to keep himself calm. 

“Thanks!” She came to the appropriate page, scanning over it. “This isn’t too bad. Did we ever say who would be who? I don’t think we did. I’ll be Friar Laurence. You can be Friar John. Is that okay? Or did you want to be Laurence? I don’t mind, really. I’m fine with either!” 

“That is fine,” he sighed. “I’ll be Friar John.” 

“Great!” 

_Great_

They went over their lines-once while looking at the book and the second attempt was without looking at anything. They both failed at remembering; Ravi was mildly annoyed. His memory used to be impeccable, now he was struggling to memorize a single sentence. Shelby, at least, was doing a _little_ better than he was. She wasn’t able to say all of her lines without the book for reference, but she could do the first part. It was ridiculous, that’s what it was. How was it that someone like _her,_ someone he could (accurately) categorize as below him academically _and_ intellectually, was having an easier time memorizing? 

_You’re getting wayyyy too angry about this_

_No. My anger is justified_

_How? Please enlighten me_

“How’s it going for you? Do you think you’ll be able to remember them? I think I will-maybe. I dunno. Depends, I guess. So long as I’m not nervous or anythin, I should be okay. But I don’t really get nervous anyway. I wonder if we’ll get an A for this? I dunno, I mean it’s kinda short but Miss Zenon didn’t say it had to be long so maybe we’ll be okay. What do you think? Do you think we’ll get an A?” 

“I don’t know,” he wasn’t in the mood for meaningless chatter. “Maybe.” 

“Yeah, it might be too early to know,” she stretched her arms out. “Oooh! Do you wanna meet my friends? They still wanna meet you! They should be out of school by now so I can video chat with them if you want?” 

“Oh, no, that’s quite alright,” he backed away. 

“Are you nervous? It’s okay, silly, they won’t bite you,” she giggled at her own joke. “Caleb’s just happy there’s another guy he can talk to. Besides they practically know everything about you.” 

“Errm, _how_?” He was afraid to ask. 

“I talk about you,” she said simply. 

Ravi just blinked. 

“You’re my best friend,” she told him. “Of course I’m gonna talk about you! Actually,” she laughed _again._ “Emily told me she’s tired of hearing about you. Isn’t that funny?” 

“Hilarious.” 

“Isabella told me she would love to meet you sometime. Don’t worry, she won’t yell at you-” He made a confused face. “Emily’s probably gonna yell at you. She likes to scare people but don’t be scared, she’s harmless. She did that to Caleb when we all first met. We’ve been best friends since elementary school. Isn’t that sweet? I’m kinda bummed I won’t be graduating with them but that’s okay. Oooh! Maybe if graduation is on different days for us, I can watch their graduation online! Oooh! Even better idea,” her grin was wider now, “maybe we can watch it together!” 

_No, no, NO_

“We still have plenty of time until that happens,” he said carefully. 

“Who knows if we will even see each other by then.” 

She slung an arm around his shoulders-he made a rather undignified noise. “Silly, of course we will! We’re besties.” Her face was pressed against his; he could smell her coconut scented shampoo. She gave him a squeeze. 

_Right....’besties’_

He was practically frozen, cringing at her closeness, at the way their skin was touching. _Get off, get off, GET OFF!_

After an eternity, a few seconds of tortuous agony, Shelby pulled away but not before she put her hand on his cheek. “You’re warm,” she noted. “Do you want some water now? I have some-” 

“In your backpack,” he finished. 

She beamed. 

He groaned. 

“No,” he lied. “I am fine.” 

He wasn’t. He was incredibly thirsty and overwhelmingly hot. He licked his dry lips. 

Shelby wordlessly put a bottled water down in front of him, scooting it with her hand. “You sure?” 

It was the second time she had, dare he say it, come to his aid. He accepted the water begrudgingly. “Thank you,” he said even though it was against his better judgement. “I, erm, I appreciate it.” 

“You’re welcome!” 

He downed the contents in less than three minutes. It was probably not recommended, probably risking that he would go into shock; but it was _so_ refreshing. 

He put back on the ground, licking his lips again. “Do you carry all those waters for yourself?” 

_No she hands them out. DUH_

“No,” she said. “Not really. One’s for me, and the rest is for anyone that needs it. I saw a dog once while going home. I think it was a stray Poor thing was really hot so I gave him some water. I also have a small dog bowl in here, just in case I see a stray. New York has a lot more strays than back home does. It’s sad. I hate seeing strays. They’re really cute but I wish all animals had a home, you know?” 

_I guess we can start calling her St. Shelby_

"You have a dog bowl in your backpack?" Ravi asked slowly. 

_I didn't see it when we were at the library_

_Funny how you remember that but you can't remember your lines?_

_That is completely different!_

_Is it? Because I think you care about Shelby enough to remember that little detail_

"Yep," she said brightly. "I got it after our study date at the library." 

_Ahhh_

"It- it wasn't a date," he said hastily, glancing around as if someone from their school was spying on them and would announce it to the world by a bullhorn. "It was a get together to work on our project." 

"Tomayto, tomahto," Shelby waved a hand. 

"Ahh, no," Ravi said pointedly. "It is not like that. It is completely different." 

"It doesn't have to be." 

"But it is," Ravi told her. "It was nowhere near a date." 

"But you want it to be," she said with a mischievous smile. 

_Nooooo_

" _No_ ," he denied vehemently. "Because, should the situation arise, I would have to have feelings for you and I do not." 

"Are you suuuure you don't?" She said in a teasing voice. 

_This isn't funny!_

_Oh, sure it is. You're too uptight_

"Yes," he glared. 

She giggled. "Okay. Gosh, relax. I'm just kidding." She _lightly_ (which was not light at all) punched his shoulder. 

He flinched. 

_Is it time to go home yet?_

"I am relaxed," he said in a stiff tone that was quite the opposite. 

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Sure you are." 

" _I am_." 

"You always seem tense. Are you tense at home, too or just at school? You shouldn't, it's probably not good for you. Maybe if you smiled more you'd be more relaxed. Don't you think?" 

_I_ **_think_ ** _my headache is worsening_

"Maybe," he said tiredly, rubbing a hand over his face and wiping away the sweat that accumulated on his forehead. The heat was draining him, draining the little energy he had and leaving him weary. He stifled a yawn. 

"Are you tired? Do you sleep a lot at night? I kinda have trouble sleeping. I'm not used to all the noise. Back home, it was pretty quiet except for the semi's that came through. It's not terrible but I guess I'm a light sleeper so it's hard to stay asleep for the whole night. It kinda sucks but that's okay, I like to sit on my window ledge and watch everyone. The lights are pretty, don't you think so? I do. But I miss the clear sky. You could camp out and see all the stars. It was so peaceful. I'll have to show you a picture of it, someday." 

Ravi thought that it was _one_ thing he could agree with her on; a clear night's sky was beautiful and much more aesthetically appealing than a sky on a typical night in New York. He wasn't going to tell her that, though. He wasn't that stupid. 

_That's a matter of opinion_

"Have you always lived here?" Shelby was watching a father playfully chase after his toddler, swooping him up in his arms and kissing his forehead. 

Ravi's stomach churned and he felt that familiar nauseating feeling return. 

"W-what?" He suddenly realized she had said something. 

She didn't mind. "I asked you if you've always lived here? Or did you move from somewhere? Oooh, are your parents in the military? Mine aren't but I went to school with a guy whose parents were. He'd lived in five states. Isn't that neat?" 

"I-" He didn't want to get into it, for her to know _that_ bit of information regarding his life. It wasn't some deep secret that needed to be kept but still, why did _she_ want to know? He was doubtful that she was genuinely interested. Why would she be? 

And speaking of his parents, he wasn't sure if he believed that she hadn't heard of them. 

_Are we bragging?_

_No. I just find it strange_

His father, at least. His mother, he could understand. Shelby didn't appear to be the kind of person that concerned herself with any of the same superficial things that Emma did but she had to have heard of his father's work. 

"No," he was careful with his wording. "I'm not." 

"Oooh!" She exclaimed. "Whers are you from? Wait-" she put up her hand and her face contorted with intense concentration, "don't tell me. Let me guess." 

_Save me, please... save me from this madness_

"California?"

"No," he said immediately. 

"Wyoming?" 

"No." 

"Maine?" 

"No." 

_Does my accent mean nothing?_

"Minnesota?" 

"No." 

"England?" 

He raised his eyebrows. 

She shrugged. "I'm guessing." 

"Well, your guess is wrong." 

She sighed dramatically. "Well, I'm out of guesses." _You named five places._ "Can you tell me? _Pleaseeee_?" 

"Okay," he said just to get her to stop talking. "I'm from India." 

Her mouth formed an O. "That's neat! I've never been there- I've never been out of the country before. Is it pretty there? Do you miss it? Do you wanna go back there someday?" 

_His daddy wrapped his large hands around Ravi's neck and began to shake._

"No," he said shakily. "No, I don't think I will." 


End file.
